Bipolar Support Group

This is my rant of the month(I think)!

I am the only female in my family. I am having severe issues communicating with my husband and the three older boys(17yrs,18yrs,and 22yrs). They are often critical of me, sometimes daily. I am having my heart broken over and over by the callous, demeaning things they say.

They call me crazy and laugh, psychotic bitch,and drama queen. They comment on my weight regularly, my grey hairs just starting to peek out, my hair loss. If I should cry (I am a stuffer) they condemn me for being emotional. The two teens sneak out on a regular basis and smoke weed and drink. I bust them every time because I did it all when I was younger. They tell me I am a hypocrite because I use to party and now I throw away their stashes and lock up the alcohol.

My husband is always dissapointed in what I don't get to yesterday when he asked me about it 5min ago. I work a fulltime plus job being co-owner of my tree service. I clean houses on the side. I do 99% of our laundry. Seven people generate alot of dirty everything. I cook from scratch meals, clean the house, help with the landscaping, mow, chauffer, shop, decorate, make meals for the sick, entertain large numbers of people, etc...

Remember that perfume commercial with the hot blond singing "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget your a man! Cause I'm a woman-Enjoli"?

I'm not blond but I am not hard on the eyes at 44yr.

Why are they so critical and indifferent, sometimes just plain out mean? Is it my gender or my disorder that rubs them the wrong way so badly? I am not a boo hoo girl, I hate romance movies, drink wiskey when I drink, and am not affraid to get my hands dirty.

I am also a girl and never have control of the remote, my house is always pitted out when they know I clean houses for a living and it bothers me. Sometimes I need pedicures, girls night outs, a walk in the park at dusk. Do I get these things? Rarely

Why Why Why? Why would my hubby plant hops on the south side of the house when he has known for 5yrs that I want Clematis there? Why are they so inconsiderate to my feelings?

It sounds like they are very disrespectful to you and I can't believe you put up with this. They openly make fun of you when you do literally everything for them. This is a sad story. I give you a lot of credit. I think they call you crazy because of the bipolar and the other things because they can. Do you ever sit down with them and tell them how the way they act towards you makes you feel? That you are hurt be it? That you do so much for them and this is how they repay you? I think you do too much. They should do their own laundry and help out around the house. They can't even mow the yard? I don't know how you keep it all together. It's definitely not you, it's them. They need to show some appreciation and let you know that they care about you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Please lean on us as much as you can. Vent as much as you want. We will always be here for you. Take care of yourself first. Always keep yourself healthy.

That's a good question because they truly are being callus toward you and truly unloving in their actions and words. Maybe it's time to sit your husband down and have a heart to heart talk about how you feel when he behaves this way toward you. He should be your defender when it comes to your sons and he is not. He should be grateful for all that you do and maybe you do too much? Do you think he would go to marriage counseling?

I just want to clarify that I am not superwoman and do things that are irritating or unreasonable at times. Perfect I am not!

We are a blended family, a yours, mine, ours kind of thing.

Maybe it truly is because I am a girl not to mention BP and they are testosterone filled non-BP guys. Maybe but I don't buy it.

My husband is a great patient guy but very willing to let me be the fall girl/work horse and my kids will be fine men I am sure however my ego and self respect are getting trampled on in the process.

We went to couples counseling 9yr ago and it really didn't go so hot.

I find myself detatching quite a bit lately. I love them all but I do have considerable respect for myself and am not willing to let my family tromp all over me. I am a survivor!

Thank-you for letting me vent. I really appreciate it!

My rule? if I wouldnt tolerate that behavior from a stranger, I wouldnt tolerate it from my family. I learned that way of thinking after being wrapped up in abusive relationships and rationalizing it as ok. You're in a vicious cycle and it will be hard to change their interaction pattern with you but you can do it. I read a book called the Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner that talked about these cyclical patterns in relationships that just keep feeding themselves... maybe you could check it out? you can get it under five bucks on amazon

Dance of Anger? I have heard about that book, maybe I will give it a try. I certainly can find five bucks in change in all that laundry! LOL

Uppity, I do go to counseling myself but I am very embarassed about my situation. I know my depressions affect my family but it is up to me to push aside my thoughts and emotions to carry on with my responsibilities.

My house is not always a picture book but we do not live in filth and at least one day a week it is Better Home and Gardens. I love them all but wish I had a place to go to. I don't so I sit on the screened in porch or in the office to get away from the relentless demands.

I do realize it is my responsibility to set boundaries and I try. Sometimes I am sucessful. I have 16 more yrs of child rearing to go and am exhausted from the last 22yrs. Oh well, today is a different day and I have DBSA support tonight. I will definitly carve out the time to go.

Thanks again!

Tinlizzy, try to not be embarrassed about your situation. You are caught up in something that you cannot completely control as far as other people. And your feelings really aren't something you can control either. Deal with, yes, control no. Pushing them aside only stuffs and that makes it worse. I am glad you do go to counseling to give you a safe outlet for your emotions and an understanding ear. I hope you are learning coping skills and the means by which you can confront from a place of strength. You know you have our support here, so you keep venting all you need to, okay? We care.

Definitely don't be embarrassed about your situation. It's there and you have no control over it as far as your feelings go. If you hold them in, that is not good. We are here for you to talk to and get all of the stuff you hold in out. I think it's great that you have the DBSA. If you ever want to talk you can message me at any time. Just know that we care about you and we are here for you anytime.

Wow, you sound very, very busy! How do you manage? I am sorry to hear they are so disrespectful to you. That is not right. Maybe they don't completely understand your situation? Just a thought.....

I hope things start to get better for you.

btw - I really wish I had the energy to stay as busy as you do. wow.