Bipolar Support Group

I think lack of patience, for me, has more to do with lacking tools and the exercise of patience with my kids (4 and 19 months). They certainly get demanding and push me to a point that i myself make some questionable choices in my parenting (raised voice-screaming, spanking,etc). I don't feel like my Bi Polar makes this better or worse. I just think it has more to do with a persons ability to stay patient in the face of the challenges children pose.

I have noticed my patience erode significantly since my diagnosis.. Now I work with the 3 year olds, but before I worked with older emotionally disturbed kids, which was so much more stressful and yet somehow I also had seemingly infinite patience. One thing I will always remember from working with that group was when I was pregnant was when one new kid told another kid to stop throwing his food against the wall because I would get angry. The kid stopped throwing the food, but a third kid looked down at his food and said, "She doesn't get angry at us." He was abused at home and I was just so.. touched by that because it meant I was doing what I was trying to do, you know? Dealing with his behavior calmly and rationally, and communicating that unconditional acceptance. But now, I'm just not the same person. At the time I had thought what a good mom I would be because I had already dealt with stressful kid behaviors, and I had so much love for other people's kids that I'd be a natural mom. In short, NO. I had severe postpartum depression and was hospitalized and now, I really have to monitor my mood, make sure I'm not getting frustrated or too stressed.. think more about what I do and say.. I just seem to get frustrated and impatient a lot more easily.

Today is one of those days where my patience is running very thin with my 19mth old. God bless her little heart, she has got 6 teeth coming in, all at once. But she throws a gigantic fit when I try to dress her, so I sit her down on the floor and let her throw a fit. Eventually I pick her up and hold her. I know she doesn't know what her limits are yet, but even tapping her on the leg to get her attention just makes her cry sometimes. She has had 2 naps today, which is my saving grace from losing it. I just feel so inadequate that I can't stop her pain, but that is not the BPD. It is just part of being Mommy.