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10/02/2008 03:01 PM

A Purpose in Life?

debiski
debiski  
Posts: 5493
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Today at my pdoc appointment, I admitted to him that once my special needs son (who's 18) is settled into a good group home I will have no purpose on this earth. I've spent 18 years caring for my son's every need. HE is what kept me going. Now that we are looking into group homes, I feel like my reason for being here will be gone.

My pdoc suggested that I think long and hard about my purpose in life (besides my son). What a HUGE task! I asked my husband for advice and he said "that's a BIG question, Deb. I don't have an answer for you".

How do you figure out WHY you're here? I am NOT religious, so I'm on my own for this one. Seems like an insurmountable undertaking. I haven't got a clue.

Yikes!

Deb

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10/02/2008 03:21 PM
ThisBlows
ThisBlowsPosts: 1467
Senior Member

How about taking care of yourself? I mean, 18 years is a long time, perhaps its time to do something that you want to do, instead of what you have to to do. Lol, that sounded a lot more harse than it was intended. Hope it made sense.

10/02/2008 03:36 PM
debiski
debiski  
Posts: 5493
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I guess that's the problem...I don't know WHAT I want to do. I've been caring for my children since I was 17. All I know is "mothering". And since my son was born, I was transformed into nurse, caretaker, teacher, advocate and super-mom. I've been so wrapped up in my son for the past 18 years that I never really developed any other interestes. There just wasn't time. Once my son is gone, I feel like I might as well be dead. I know it's sad, but it's how I feel.

Deb


10/02/2008 03:48 PM
ThisBlows
ThisBlowsPosts: 1467
Senior Member

Get a hobby! lol. I cant tell you which one. Relax, read a book, go fishing, take a vacation to some far off place with your husband. Go out and have some fun.

10/02/2008 03:55 PM
armymom8486
armymom8486  
Posts: 1643
Senior Member

How about seeing if you can take all that you have learned from your son and see if you can volunteer for a home or hospital with special needs children. I bet you would be so good at that. And I'm sure the people working there could learn a lot from you, because you not only learned the skills, but you lived with it for a long time. I think you would be awesome! with all my heart, Jeanne

10/02/2008 05:44 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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I'm an Advocate

Deb!!! Now it is time for you. Look at it like a door opening to a new world. Caring for your son was wonderful. But, you are on the brink of finding out what it is like to do what you want to do...gardening, cooking, fishing (that would be my choice, ThisBlows LOL LOL) anything, or like Jeanne suggested you can volunteer your time somewhere.

10/02/2008 06:03 PM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
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I'm with Jeanne, you would be a asset to any hospital, group home, etc..to have on their staff.. What about considering going back to school, find something you would be interested in learning and start learning, it's never too late.

10/03/2008 06:07 AM
debiski
debiski  
Posts: 5493
VIP Member

I guess I'm just so depressed about the whole situation right now that I can't see straight. I know I deserve some "me" time, but I feel so guilty about it! Like I said, I've been a mother since I was 17. I'm now 43, so that's a LOT of years of mothering! You get "programmed", you know?

I have severe Social Anxiety, so being around other people is hard for me. I don't know if I'd be able to work or volunteer anywhere. I used to do crafts back in the day, but I've developed hand tremors over the past 18 months or so, so it makes it hard to work with my hands. Besides, my creativity level is at zero since I became medicated.

It's like trying to find the meaning of life. No one knows that! I'll no doubt flounder around for a while trying to figure myself out. Maybe once he's actually out of the house I'll be able to wrap my head around the reality of it all. For now I just can't. It's all just too hard to accept.

Deb


10/03/2008 07:13 AM
jritchie
jritchie  
Posts: 9229
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Deb, I struggled with the same thing when the last of my 4 children left the nest. But you know what? You're still a Mom. Always will be. That's not taken away from you, it's just changed a little bit.

Give it time. You will find something you like to do and that will fill the void. You may need some time to mourn that part of your life has changed. But it is not the be all and end all of YOU. And you don't have to find something to replace you child and mothering overnight. I bought 2 puppies Smile

Just know that we Moms understand (((HUGS)))


10/04/2008 02:49 PM
diane38
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
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debiski.

I have had experince with the group home thing . My brother who is mentally delayed and is one yearyounger is now in a group hime . He has been since the age of 24 he is now almsot 40 .He first lived in a dormitory style type facilty coed . Now thery closed that place and the group home thing is here is no longer . they bought up places that needed work in the commuity and fixed them up and matched people with others like them . He now lives in a house with 3 other women like him but all are older like in thier 60;s and men too that are a little younger. . this way is so much better as they have thier own sense of home there own bed roon that he says with another guy with all the comforts of a house , My mother and father decided on this before me dad died years ago . he does come home to the family home for the hoildays and every other weekend

. My mother could never provide the outings and job experince that he gets in dayhab there . They go all over to the movies and on trips to the shore and all . He also goes horseback riding .so all and all he is happy there and my mom and go on knowing that he can be provided for when she dies and all he has a place already and is taken care of . She felt gulity and i guess still does at times .

Post edited by: diane38, at: 10/04/2008 14:52

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