i've thought of this question too, many a time.
but oddly not thought to ask here until today
but i thought istead of starting a new thread i'd see if there was already one...
i'm exactly the same roomus, i'm not on meds either
and my opinion of them (and bipolar) changes with my mood, of course
when i'm happy, like now, and i think i'm the best thing ever created (
) i'm seriously reluctant to accept i'm bipolar. it seems like everyone now has to have something wrong with them, every part of their personality is looked at to gleam some flaw and "treat" it. it's like a fashion.
i have found though, a split between belief and knowledge, sometimes.
although right now, i'm perfectly aware i'm sounding disrespectful to everyone here saying there's nothing wrong with most of them and it's just who they are, i don't care.
but then i KNOW from experience that there IS something wrong. right now i don't see a problem at all. i might just go on like this forever. but i have to remind myself it won't. and then i think of medication.
i REMEMBER from experience crying and wishing someone would just give me pills to make it all stop, go away. not kill myself, just make me happy. i don't remember the emotions right now cos i couldn't give a monkey's... but i remember thinking it. and if i thought it, that can't be right, can it? having thought this way quite often over a period of years can't be right, can it?
so at the moment, i believe there's nothing wrong with me but i know there is. it's a weird feeling.
sorry, i'm rambling on loads, by the way. well, i'm not, you can't stop me, you don't know me.
but then, neither do i.
the question left though, after "will meds change who i am?", and the question i think roomus was getting at, is "which part of me is ill?"
right now, i'm on top of the world. totally sober. the best person ever created. am i just confident? happy? secure? or hypomanic? manic, even?
i've kept it all from my new flatmates too because i want them to see me as a person, not as a set of symptoms. but they're catching on something's not right. probably due to my odd behaviour. always a giveaway xD
i've always found, too, that when i accept i'm BP, everything's ok. if i don't, people react to me differently, they ask me if im ok and make comments about some of the unusual things i do. but which is the cause and effect here? does accepting it make me better or does being better help me accept it?
most of the time, it's my boyfriend who points out to me when i'm ill. i'll usually disagree until later though. especially as i've found i tend to forget a lot of stuff that i do/say or happens when i'm high or low.
but right now, i'm inclined to think i'm fine. not bipolar. this is just who i am. this is what happens. i am irrational sometimes. i overreact sometimes. i get depressed. i get hyper. that's life.
the only thing telling me i'm bipolar is my doctor and my boyfriend (who's mentally ill himself with loads of other stuff but not BP or anything related) and the internet and stuff.
but what if, what if we're all just a bunch of people who are similar in pesonality?
what makes our behaviour so wrong? why aren't we just considered "normal" people?
i'm going to apologise in advance cos i know i'll regret some of the things i've said later and feel bad. but right now my mind is racing and i don't care and i've got verbal diarrhoea xD
