Bipolar Support Group

I am married to a man with bipolar, alcohol abuser and a cronic health condition, Crohn's Disease. I have been in this relationship for 9 1/2 years as have all 3 condictions. Because I so love man underneath it all, I was willing to hang in there because he seemed to want to address his conditions. Day to day life has been a challange and a constant drain on me emotionally. I live my life not knowing whether it will be a calm day or the most devestating and it can fall to pieces in a blink. I came into this realationship a strong, self confident, independent and assertive woman. In my relationship, I am now none of those things. I walk on eggshells, I hold my tongue, I pick up the slack both financially and around the house. I have tolerated my husband's drinking binges, not coming home. I have accepted physical, verbal and emotional abuse. I have tried to tell myself it is the illness and when that gets addressed it will be better. There were attempts at taking medication, but they didn't last long. Because my husband doesn't take his meds he uses alcohol. Because he uses alcohol his Crohn's is worsening and he won't take his Crohn's meds because he can't drink with them. I live in this muck each day. My husband says the sweetest things in one moment, then most vulgar, cruel and offensive the next. Everyone that meets him just loves him ( and he reminds me) because he strives to please them. He will provoke me or my son into arguments to have an outlet for his anger and an excuse to go binging. While I have tried real hard to ignore the behavior, that only seems to make it ok. He goes to counseling, but nothing is changing and he thinks he's ADD, not bipolar. I have asked him to leave because I cannot continue to live this way. I feel very guilty for turning my back on him, but it has begun to affect my job and my very existance. He says I am to blame for our problems and have not been the loving wife he's wanted. I see so many people have stayed with their spouses and question if I have done the right thing. I do love him and want to do what is best for him.

carol316 , Hi and welcome to the group . I am sorry you are going through a rough time . Violence should never be allowed or acceptable in any realtionship . If he refuses to take his meds and do what is needed to get well , Then you need to decide what you can put with and how long. . Remember this is not your fault and you can to fix him . Only he can decide that he need to see a pdoc and counseling . I would also seek counseling for yourself as well.

Post edited by: diane38, at: 09/28/2008 16:58

Good advice, Diane...can't add much to it. Welcome, Carol...we are here for you. Deciding when you have had enough of the abuse is a personal choice. Why not get in touch with the local Spouse Abuse group. There is support available in most communities.

I have been to every support group (co dependence, abuse, al anon). I have come to believe that I have the problem. I own my own home, make an income to support myself, have been on my own just fine. Yet, I subject myself to the daily abuse that I do because I question what my participation in this is because my husband convinces me that I am responsible for his behavior. I know that I cannot make someone else take care of themselves and get the help they need, but it is just so painful. All of the counselors I have been to look at me like it is a no brainer and why am I subjecting myself to this. It is so hard to understand.

carol316 .

Clearly this is not your fault and you know this . I think the sooner you move on with your life and get beyond this the easier it will be day by day .

Thanks for the words and the smile on your face in your pic!!

I mean really would you allow your children to hit you abuse you verbally or even an stranger? no ? Well then why would you let this person that has sucked you dry emtionally.?

Diane is a sweetheart, isn't she. And a real asset here...

Carol...I have been there. Was in a 24 yr marriage with someone who blamed me for everything...got divorced and still had 2 more serious relationships with the same kinds of men. Finally, went to therapy...and found out it was ME. I was an enabler for these people. And the reason was because I needed to be in control...by enabling I was controlling the situation. Learned to say NO to abusive relationships...

This may not be your problem, but you might want to try the book WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH...it was an eyeopener for me...

oh yes i have seen this book in my local library .

I am confused about how to update a new diary entry I just did. I realize that if I start a new discussion with a BIG message, it gets looked at, but doesn't generate much discussion. So I turned it into a diary entry ... good move, huh? So, how to edit and SAVE successfully - anyone? Thanks a bunch!