And I'm not pleased. My doctor called me on late Friday afternoon and said most everything came back normal, but one part of the test came back non-conclusive. So tomorrow morning I will go to the hospital to have an Upper Endoscopy, and have biopsies taken of my small intestines. I've never been more scared of anything in my life. I think what scares me more is what may come back...I am a hypochondriac so of course the first thing that pops in my mind is cancer. Then celiac disease. And then I don't know what comes to mind next. I'm praying everything will come back normal, so I can move on with my life. I have made my mind up that I'm going to have a revision on my pouch from my gastric bypass surgery. I will see doctor after doctor if that what it takes, I need to be healthy again. I feel like a fat-a$$. I'm feeling irritable and I want to cry and scream. My grandma is irritating the living fu(k out of me. This is the one who lives here. I've told her not to tease me and so has my dad, but does she listen? NO! I have the right to be irritable and b*tchy right now. I am going through things that I didn't think would ever happen to me. I'm mad at myself for gaining back most of the weight I lost. I feel like I look like I'm 9 months pregnant. I thought I was fat when I was 170lbs and in a size 12 jeans and verging on a size 10. Now I'm in a size 18 (should be a 20) and my x-large shirts are all getting tighter on me, its very depressing and makes me sick to look at myself or burst out in tears. I'm not even sure about this GI doctor. I can't understand a word he says and he tells me no artificial sweetners but I am NOT supposed to have real sugars according to my gastric bypass doctor...like it matters anyways? I'm pretty sure I'm on a low right now but I'm not crying, just very irritable. Please just someone pray for me about tomorrow morning and that I will sleep through the ENTIRE procedure, I'll update with results tomorrow if I'm up to it or Wednesday.... |
