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04/26/2007 09:43 AM

Bipolar Confessions

VampiricAngel
VampiricAngel  
Posts: 274
Member

One moment I'm ready to conquer the world the next moment I'm lower than I've ever been in my life...I could go from being fine one second to being totally and utterly broken the next...to the point where it feels like I can't even breathe. I can feel this internal war raging everyday a battle ensues every minute feels like a year every day like an eternity...everybreath torture on my ragged and broken soul. Every step I take slow and steady for every one I take foward it's like 5 back...this is my life this is my struggle...some days all I can do is just make it through the day just survive...try and not hurt myself but all I can see is my pain the hurt is sometimes all consuming it feels like I'm suffocating my heart about ready to expload. I clutch my shirt in front of my heart hoping the pain will stop as tears rain down my face yes this is the life I'm forced to live but at the same tiem I'm blessed...this that we call a curse is a double edged sword...this makes us stronger even though it takes everythign we have to survive...we are the survivers the fighters...I know I will make it through this...inspite of all pain all of the all consuming pain...I just have to make it through the night through the dawn...but that's the hard part...it's easier said than done...but I must...I have to but it's so hard when I hurt so bad inside when I all I see and feel is this pain this blinding all consuming pain...
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04/26/2007 10:12 AM
lifeinterrupted
 
Posts: 21
Member

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately this is part of it. I've been dealing with the rollercoaster ride for more years than I can remember and what you describe is so clear to me. When those moments come I try desperately to find atleast 3 positives in my life. Even silly things like having new tooth paste and how it feels in my mouth. If only for a breif few moments I can have a bit of relief. Silly yes but it's all I got at the moment.

04/28/2007 08:43 PM
Bran
 
Posts: 6
New Member

The cycling has to be the worst part. I am a insomniac and cycle around 200 times each day. going from the manic good mood to the wanting to crawl under a the bed for days and everything in between bites. I am sorry that you are dealing with this at such a young age. Try to keep this thought, no matter how bad it gets you are never alone. you have the support of everyone here. We are going through this as well.

04/29/2007 11:44 AM
beezmom
beezmomPosts: 9
New Member

I am so glad I found this sight..I have been living this way for years but was just told I was a terrible person, I have not been to the doctor yet but what you wrote sound so much like what i have been going through. one minute I feel like I can take on the world and do anything and I am the happiest person in the world, and the next minute everyone hates me all I want to do is sleep and eat chocolate and feel sorry for myself

04/29/2007 11:46 AM
beezmom
beezmomPosts: 9
New Member

Blink anybody oput here?Sad

04/29/2007 11:47 AM
beezmom
beezmomPosts: 9
New Member

beezmom wrote:

Blink anybody oput here?Sad

oops I meant OUT THERE..


04/29/2007 12:41 PM
timjc
Posts: 15
New Member

Hello, Beezmom... If you learnt that you may have a health problem rather than being a bad person, it's a huge step towards recovery and, basically, towards being at ease with yourself and what you are, how you are.

My wife is bipolar and it took me long to understand it is the disease, not her, that annoys and upsets me. I hated her at times, I wanted to divorce her, many times, I despised her and resented her - until I finally understood what a beautiful person she is, inside, and that she has a disease like any other, which makes her behave weirdly at times. I accepted her disease like I would accept any other chronical disease in the woman I love. I hope your family does the same, and I'm positive you have lots to offer, you can be happy and make people around you happy, and this disease doesn't define you (if you have it, which seems that you do).

Welcome to the community, and keep coming back!


04/29/2007 04:04 PM
callme2crazy
callme2crazy  
Posts: 288
Member

I just have to tell you timjc that you are an amazing husband and person to stand by your wife the way that you have and you put it into words beautifully. Not many spouses, let alone family and friends, stand by their loved ones during this process. I commend you.

The stigma of this disease is as varied as the symptoms itself. What we cannot see for ourselves we often discredit. As a society we judge people by our perceptions and mood disorders are not 'seen' as illness but personality weakness which we do not accept.


04/29/2007 07:05 PM
beezmom
beezmomPosts: 9
New Member

Thank you, and I only have my mom and My son because noone else wants anything to do with me. When I drink I make stupid phone calls in the middle of the night and don't remember, so everyone just thinks I am physco!! but I know realize that alcohol is just an ampliflier for the disease. and that is what sets me off I was using alcohol as a medicine but it backfired.

08/11/2007 10:18 PM
Jaysha
Jaysha  
Posts: 6
Member

[i]I just wanted to say that I have not really ever heard a good way to put how i feel out in words but you sure gave a very descriptive insight into my life. in other words it really hit home.Sad
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