Bipolar Support Group

Tis the summer of my discontent. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything and my bipolar disorder is out of control. I'm taking the medications but I'm running out and I won't get any until I see my doctor which is oh, ONCE A MONTH!! And I had to cancel for tomorrow because I have class. Who knows the next time I'll have an appointment? I feel like I'm falling apart and there's nothing I can do. Is this the price I'm paying for not having health insurance? Shitty quality care and being set on the back burner? Sitting around cutting myself because no one is trying to help me? Letting my bulimia get out of control? Seeing a doctor that won't listen to me once a month?

I'm getting THISCLOSE to dropping everything in my life and committing myself to a hospital. I don't want to do that but I can't keep living the way that I am. No one knows how much pain I'm living with and no one cares to know. If I wasn't so terrified of death I would be dead already. I feel so hopeless and like nothing will EVER get better for me. Bipolar disorder/borderline personality disorder is ruining my life. I'm only 19, almost 20 years old and I'm going straight to hell right now. Someone just please make all the shit stop. I need some encouraging words guys and I'm turning to you for help because the so called "help" I'm getting right now is useless to me.

Bipolar can get out of control. Running out of medications is not a good thing. They didn't give you a new appointment? I think it's probably a good time for a new psychiatrist. This one isn't working for you. Are you on any government aid. If not, get on it. If you feel you have to go into the hospital, go. It could be the best thing for you. At least you'd get medications. I hate feeling hopeless and I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. If I could, I would take it all away from you. Things will get better even though you don't think they will. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You aren't getting the help that you need, so I'd see about something else you can do. I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I hope you are able to get the help that you need soon. Stay strong. Hugs

Kate. ur not alone. I am sorry to hear about your troubles. You have some very heavy issues. 1) think about HALT. are you Hungry, are you Angry, are you Lonely, last are you Tired. If you are several of these things I would try to fix them first. Then you may be in a better place to seriously think about what to do. If you can't make a Pdoc visit because of class or a test, i would seriously try to get your priorities in a different order. See the Pdoc, get your meds, Take your meds, then class and tests etc will all fall into place. I don't want you to hurt. I am here with you.

I know it is difficult when you have so much going on to stop and go to a doctor's appointment but you have to go to the doctor. Please reset your priorities and put your health first. Go to the hospital, that will ensure your medication is correct.

I wish there is something more I could do for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kate: Sorry about the pain. I have been there so many times and here I still am. I am afraid of everyone around me dying, but I am not at all afraid of my own death and I am still here. And all these great people are still here which means you can make it through also!

I have to say I agree with JonathanNC about priorities. Without the help you need classes, test, and whatever else will not make any differance. If anything it might make you feel even worse, like if you were to do poorly on your test because you were not in the right frame of mind. Set yourself up for success, not failure.

As far as medical care and insurance issues go, I would try to get some type of government care. I think going to the ER or checking yourself in to a psych hospital is not a bad idea. You get meds worked out, you are in a safe environemnt, theraputic programs, and if the only reason you feel you are still here is because you feel you are scared of death then I would not trust just that while you are feeling so down. Be around people that can bring you up right now. I know you will make the right decisions for you and in the mean time we are all here for you. Take care! KC

Kate don't give up on no insurance. Up till yesterday I had no insurance and with a bit of fight I was able to get government health care. Perfect it is not but it will finally cover by bp meds which I get to pick up and start again tomorrow! Please try to find something otherwise people here told me to contact the drug companies and I was in process of doing that and they were willing to help also. I love the acronym JonathanNC has!!!! PERFECT!

Good luck! You are so NOT alone. I was just going to check myself into a hospital too and now I am going to be doing this outside!!

Linda

Thank you all sooooo much. It really meant a lot to me to log on and see all of your comments.