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09/19/2008 03:09 PM

about my depression

Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
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First of all I want to thank every one who has helped me with this site. I love it here already. I hope to make many friends. Truthfully I don't have a lot of friends so you are all very important to me.

Presently I am extremely depressed and possibly heading for a breakdown. I have had aseries of events which have lead me here where I am. I will share a few.

#1. My middle daughter Ivy tried to kill herself less than a month ago. You can imagine what this has been like for me. Let me assure you that she is alright and hopefully she is more honest than I am when she says that. But in my mind are constant thoughts and all kinds of what ifs.

#2. I have hypothyroidism. Its been a couple of years since I went on medication for it. Well now I am experiencing thinning hair, ok well then baldness in spots on the back of my head. Its devastating. Me, the one with the thick curly hair. If I brush myhair just so and fool around a little with my fingers I can still cover up the little bald spots. Still I repeat its devastating.

#3. First let me say I am on SSDI and haven't worked for a while so for the most part I am home alone all day. Now my husband who is always worried about the winters heating bills has taken a second job. Now I see him for two hours a day. I am so so so lonely. I find myself crying over everything and I try not to feelsorry for myself yet I can't help but ask (very loudly) "why me?"

Anyway don't feel sorry for me I am just giving you the basics of what is going on for me.

So finally I ask you the important questions. Should I add another antidepressant to my mix I currently take Cymbalta and Remeron. Or should I tough it out as I have every reason to feel depressed. I feel so lost and all I do is think think think. I never laugh anymore. I need help.

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09/19/2008 03:36 PM
glory
glory  
Posts: 3668
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Hi Yvonne, welcome to the group. Read the posts and join in whenever you like. This site is geared toward people helping each other. I can say that I empathize with you. I am also on SSDI and am home all day alone. I am in a wheel chair if I have to walk more than around 10 feet, so I feel even more isolated. I am more or less stuck in my room all day unless I go through the hassle of navigating through the house in a tank. lol OK my question to you is, have you ever been a night person????? A night owl???? I am. I have my schedule all worked out and love it. I usually go to bed around 5 or 6 a.m.. Then I sleep my 8-10 hours during the day. By the time I wake up and wash my face and comb my hair, and brush my teeth, it's time for everybody to come home. I have all the time they are awake, with them. Even though I am in my room again and awake all night, I feel a closeness to them. A comfort in knowing they are here with me and safe. Now I can do this because I am a sociophobic. I hate the telephone, (actually have panic attacks when it rings) and I am not much of a people person face to face. But, on this computer, through all my friends here, I live a full and interesting alone time. I talk to members all I want during the night because there is always someone awake too. I read the posts and answer them and before I know it I have hours invested. lol I love it. I also have some sites for absolutely goofy things. I have given almost everyone a virtual makeover, and now I'm playing around with dubbing heads on different bodies. I know all of this sounds silly, but it is great fun. Anyway, maybe you could give this a try.

09/19/2008 03:46 PM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

thanks so much for your wisdom

09/19/2008 05:28 PM
kimminentdanger
kimminentdanger  
Posts: 2517
VIP Member

Hi Yvonne! You must be growing more accustomed to the site, because i've been chasing you around, but can't catch you - you're always 2 steps ahead of me!!! Laughing I'm glad you're getting settled in... In case you missed it the other times... WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!!

Like my dear friend glory, I am a night owl too, and agree that it's a great way to avoid the "By Myself Blues"... Like she said, even in the wee hours, there's always someone here. For me, it's comforting just knowing that.

I have applied for SSI/SSDI and am currently just waiting around for my application to be denied... (HA HA... I've heard so many horror stories, I'm preparing myself for the letdown Wassat ) I know how overwhelming it is to be depressed and lonely, but believe me, Yvonne, it WILL pass. (The up-side of bipolar disorder is that if you don't like your mood, don't worry - it'll change. HA HA) And until it does (and even after), I'm here for you; along with a bunch of people who have turned out to be some of my best friends... We "get it" and we're in your corner.

I'm really sorry to hear that Ivy is weighing so heavily on your mind. Try not to forget to worry about YOU while you're busy worrying about HER. Of course, you're her mom, so what else can be expected... but if she says she's climbing out of whatever she was stuck in, try to give her the benefit of the doubt until a time comes when she gives you reason not to... it's all you can do.

The thinning hair issue would be a biggie for me too, but there's gotta be a solution... Have you researched things like Rogaine or hair replacement? Actually, I have no idea what hypothyroidism & it's treatment's side effects have the power to do - so let me ask you... Is this something that can be reversed or repaired??? If it is - you have options!

I ask "Why me???" sometimes myself. I'm not sure who I'm directing the question to, but I DO know they're not paying attention, because I never get an answer out of them! So I end up answering myself... "Crappy gene pool - just lucky I guess." is what I say every time. HA HA

Hang in there Yvonne - you're not alone anymore. Although you may not have a slew of friends at home, you've got a boatload of 'em here... and I'm glad you found us. Wink


09/19/2008 05:50 PM
jasonguyyeah
jasonguyyeahPosts: 290
Member

Before, when I had to deal with major depresion (well, I actually had to deal with it for these last 2 days...) But, it seems to help alot is to get a good work out and

Post edited by: jasonguyyeah, at: 09/19/2008 19:41


09/19/2008 07:04 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi! Yvonne...i don't get depressed as much as manic. When I am not going full throttle ahead I feel depressed. I have been depressed years ago after a mania for which I needed to be hospitalized. I can remember the feeling of absolute blackness.

There are lots of great folks here. Glad you are with us.


09/20/2008 11:10 AM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

What a thoughtful post. Thanks for acknowledging the things I talked about.

Ivy is 30 and still I worry like when she was little and skinned a knee. She and her husband and me and mine go out to eat every week so I have the chance to gauge her mood. I think she has bipolar but so far no diagnosis. She has yet to see a psychiatrist. My oldest daughter does have bipolar disorder so I wouldn't be surprised if Ivy did. My older brother had it and he killed himself in 1985. Man do I miss him even now.

I did look into Rogaine and found it to be expensive. You also need to use it twice a day for the rest of your life or else your hair disappears on you again. I am leaning towards hats, go Red Sox or scarves and bandanas.

I don't ask "why me" very often as it is fruitless. When I do I usually end up saying, "why not me?"

Thanks again for a lovely post.


09/20/2008 11:14 AM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

I guess I could set up the treadmill. In the state I am in I don't feel much like working anything. Thanks for the idea though. Maybe, just maybe I can get myself on it..

09/20/2008 11:19 AM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

I used to be constantly manic with no depression. The depression seems to have followed my aging process. The older I get the more often I get depressed. My meds have been infallible since my last hospitalization, last summer. Suddenly they seem less than adequate. I ask my doctor if my depression is just part of life or part of bipolar and he says my moods are all bipolar. Darn!

09/20/2008 11:32 AM
Yvonne802
Yvonne802  
Posts: 2055
VIP Member

Thanks so much for sharing your routine with me. I don't think I could evermanage it. And my family has thelastword lol. When I stay up late too many nights in arow I get manic whether Isleep in the daytime or not. I do so envy you having found asolution. I know I will eventually too. Many thanks
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