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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
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First of all I want to thank every one who has helped me with this site. I love it here already. I hope to make many friends. Truthfully I don't have a lot of friends so you are all very important to me. Presently I am extremely depressed and possibly heading for a breakdown. I have had aseries of events which have lead me here where I am. I will share a few. #1. My middle daughter Ivy tried to kill herself less than a month ago. You can imagine what this has been like for me. Let me assure you that she is alright and hopefully she is more honest than I am when she says that. But in my mind are constant thoughts and all kinds of what ifs. #2. I have hypothyroidism. Its been a couple of years since I went on medication for it. Well now I am experiencing thinning hair, ok well then baldness in spots on the back of my head. Its devastating. Me, the one with the thick curly hair. If I brush myhair just so and fool around a little with my fingers I can still cover up the little bald spots. Still I repeat its devastating. #3. First let me say I am on SSDI and haven't worked for a while so for the most part I am home alone all day. Now my husband who is always worried about the winters heating bills has taken a second job. Now I see him for two hours a day. I am so so so lonely. I find myself crying over everything and I try not to feelsorry for myself yet I can't help but ask (very loudly) "why me?" Anyway don't feel sorry for me I am just giving you the basics of what is going on for me. So finally I ask you the important questions. Should I add another antidepressant to my mix I currently take Cymbalta and Remeron. Or should I tough it out as I have every reason to feel depressed. I feel so lost and all I do is think think think. I never laugh anymore. I need help. A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye
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keepthefaith  Posts: 853
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First of all, Yvonne, I think it's a great start, realizing you are so depressed, and wanting to do something about it. Second of all, there are LOTS of people here with untold amounts of experience dealing with depression, bipolar disorder, etc, but I don't think one of them is a psychiatrist. I sure couldn't tell you if you needed a medication change, but, if things aren't going well, than you should talk to you psychiatrist, or doctor, or whoever oversees your treatment. Mostly, whatever you decide, you have come to a great place to find people who understand, and are so eager to offer support. So keep asking questions, and jump in and offer advise whenever you can. That's how it works here. Your new friend, Paul |
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glory Posts: 3668
VIP Member
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Hi Yvonne, welcome to the group. Read the posts and join in whenever you like. This site is geared toward people helping each other. I can say that I empathize with you. I am also on SSDI and am home all day alone. I am in a wheel chair if I have to walk more than around 10 feet, so I feel even more isolated. I am more or less stuck in my room all day unless I go through the hassle of navigating through the house in a tank. lol OK my question to you is, have you ever been a night person????? A night owl???? I am. I have my schedule all worked out and love it. I usually go to bed around 5 or 6 a.m.. Then I sleep my 8-10 hours during the day. By the time I wake up and wash my face and comb my hair, and brush my teeth, it's time for everybody to come home. I have all the time they are awake, with them. Even though I am in my room again and awake all night, I feel a closeness to them. A comfort in knowing they are here with me and safe. Now I can do this because I am a sociophobic. I hate the telephone, (actually have panic attacks when it rings) and I am not much of a people person face to face. But, on this computer, through all my friends here, I live a full and interesting alone time. I talk to members all I want during the night because there is always someone awake too. I read the posts and answer them and before I know it I have hours invested. lol I love it. I also have some sites for absolutely goofy things. I have given almost everyone a virtual makeover, and now I'm playing around with dubbing heads on different bodies. I know all of this sounds silly, but it is great fun. Anyway, maybe you could give this a try. "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
VIP Member
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thanks so much for your wisdom A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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kimminentdanger Posts: 2517
VIP Member
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Hi Yvonne! You must be growing more accustomed to the site, because i've been chasing you around, but can't catch you - you're always 2 steps ahead of me!!!  I'm glad you're getting settled in... In case you missed it the other times... WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!!!Like my dear friend glory, I am a night owl too, and agree that it's a great way to avoid the "By Myself Blues"... Like she said, even in the wee hours, there's always someone here. For me, it's comforting just knowing that. I have applied for SSI/SSDI and am currently just waiting around for my application to be denied... (HA HA... I've heard so many horror stories, I'm preparing myself for the letdown  ) I know how overwhelming it is to be depressed and lonely, but believe me, Yvonne, it WILL pass. (The up-side of bipolar disorder is that if you don't like your mood, don't worry - it'll change. HA HA) And until it does (and even after), I'm here for you; along with a bunch of people who have turned out to be some of my best friends... We "get it" and we're in your corner. I'm really sorry to hear that Ivy is weighing so heavily on your mind. Try not to forget to worry about YOU while you're busy worrying about HER. Of course, you're her mom, so what else can be expected... but if she says she's climbing out of whatever she was stuck in, try to give her the benefit of the doubt until a time comes when she gives you reason not to... it's all you can do. The thinning hair issue would be a biggie for me too, but there's gotta be a solution... Have you researched things like Rogaine or hair replacement? Actually, I have no idea what hypothyroidism & it's treatment's side effects have the power to do - so let me ask you... Is this something that can be reversed or repaired??? If it is - you have options! I ask "Why me???" sometimes myself. I'm not sure who I'm directing the question to, but I DO know they're not paying attention, because I never get an answer out of them! So I end up answering myself... "Crappy gene pool - just lucky I guess." is what I say every time. HA HA Hang in there Yvonne - you're not alone anymore. Although you may not have a slew of friends at home, you've got a boatload of 'em here... and I'm glad you found us. "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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jasonguyyeah  Posts: 236
Member
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Before, when I had to deal with major depresion (well, I actually had to deal with it for these last 2 days...) But, it seems to help alot is to get a good work out and Post edited by: jasonguyyeah, at: 09/19/2008 19:41 |
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norma  Posts: 10109
Group Leader
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Hi! Yvonne...i don't get depressed as much as manic. When I am not going full throttle ahead I feel depressed. I have been depressed years ago after a mania for which I needed to be hospitalized. I can remember the feeling of absolute blackness. There are lots of great folks here. Glad you are with us. Comments made by me are from my own experience and they are my opinion alone, whose intent is only to share that opinion and not to give medical advice nor discourage from seeking medical help. Medicine is best left to the professionals that is what they do.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
Rest in Peace, Gloria...you will be missed. |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
VIP Member
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What a thoughtful post. Thanks for acknowledging the things I talked about. Ivy is 30 and still I worry like when she was little and skinned a knee. She and her husband and me and mine go out to eat every week so I have the chance to gauge her mood. I think she has bipolar but so far no diagnosis. She has yet to see a psychiatrist. My oldest daughter does have bipolar disorder so I wouldn't be surprised if Ivy did. My older brother had it and he killed himself in 1985. Man do I miss him even now. I did look into Rogaine and found it to be expensive. You also need to use it twice a day for the rest of your life or else your hair disappears on you again. I am leaning towards hats, go Red Sox or scarves and bandanas. I don't ask "why me" very often as it is fruitless. When I do I usually end up saying, "why not me?" Thanks again for a lovely post. A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
VIP Member
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I guess I could set up the treadmill. In the state I am in I don't feel much like working anything. Thanks for the idea though. Maybe, just maybe I can get myself on it.. A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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Yvonne802 Posts: 2055
VIP Member
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I used to be constantly manic with no depression. The depression seems to have followed my aging process. The older I get the more often I get depressed. My meds have been infallible since my last hospitalization, last summer. Suddenly they seem less than adequate. I ask my doctor if my depression is just part of life or part of bipolar and he says my moods are all bipolar. Darn! A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement~ Bo Bennett
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.~ Dale Carnegie
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry.
And I know you do the same things too,
So we're really not that different, me and you.
-- Colin Raye |
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