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kc8
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hi all!! im just wondering exactly what i should do? i might not even be bipolar... but id like some advice. my moods are soooo extreme. when im up... im REALLY up... when im down... im REALLY down. my thoughts race at times... sometimes i feel like im 2 different people. i start fights with my husband (at the time not relizing why)... only to "feel loved". if he talks, comforts me... he loves me. to walk away, or to "not want to fight"... shows he doesnt care. the littlest thing can set me off... into these horrible moods. sometimes they last days, sometimes weeks... sometimes only a couple hours. whatever this is, i know its FAR from normal fluctuations on mood. i just feel like im ruining my famileys life. i have lots going on... several issues im trying to work through. ive always been a moody person, but the past few years, my relationship with others , is becoming deeply affected. i dont know why i do what i do. why do i threaten my husband that im gonna leave... knowing damn well i wont... its like i "need" him to beg me to stay. i "need" to feel he needs me. sometimes when things are REALLY bad... i lock myself in the bathroom... wondering if they would be better off without me? my son (who is disabled, and has PLENTY of his own issues)... has this crazy ass mom, who doesnt eat, exersizes CONSTANTLY, lays in bed... sometimes for hours.... OR .... he has this fun, outgoing, "life of the party mom" who everyone has fun with. how confusing for him? hes only 9. and my poor hubby... bless him 4 the shit ive put him threw... he deserves a woman who treats him the way he treats me... like gold. believe me, im FAR from gold. ive put them threw so much shit... hes ALMOST had enuf. sometimes he says that if i dont start eating, and stop the insanity.... he will have no choice but to leave. i dont blame him. i couldnt deal with me either. im not sure what to do. i DONT wanna see a therapist... (i have my reasons) and i dont wanna gain weight from taking meds... im ANA... please understand. i DO want to feel good. i dont know how. maybe someone here can help. as i said, i dont even know if i am bipolar, ive just read on it and some of you going threw it, may be able to tell me if i should have that possibility looked at. thanks 4 listening  |
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glory Posts: 3668
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Welcome to the site KC. Read the posts and ask as many questions as you like, but no one here is authorized to give you any type of diagnosis. It would be frivolous guessing on our part and we sure don't want to do that. Your best bet and only bet is to make an appointment with a reputable Psychiatrist and get a true diagnosis. "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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kc8
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i guess im just looking for some help... figureing out what the hell my problem is. i dont wanna see a therapist... maybe i can do this on my own. maybe if i try hard, this shit will stop. thanks 4 your reply  KC |
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glory Posts: 3668
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If and that's a huge if.......it is BPD, it will never get better and you will not be able to control it on your own. Please see a Psychiatrist if you suspect a mental illness. "We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is. |
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kimminentdanger Posts: 2517
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I agree with glory, toots... the only way you can be sure that you're getting the correct answers is to see a qualified medical professional on this one... I can hear the frustration coming from you, and the only way to ease it is to get diagnosed and learn what you can do to lessen the intensity of your symptoms... good luck! "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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kc8
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thank you... for wishing me luck. you guys are sweet. i just hope i figure it out... thanks again |
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keepthefaith  Posts: 848
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kc,Gloria is %100 correct. You WILL NOT be able to control it on your own. You have a lot of the symptoms of BPD, but only a professional can give you a proper diagnosis. It could be a lot of different things. Either way, you sound like you WANT to control it, but just don't know how to go about it.    Start with a Psychiatrist. tell him/her everything you told us. EVERYTHING. Be COMPLETELY honest with him/her. All of your issues must be understood so that they can find the right treatment for you. IF it is BPD, everything I read says that finding the right medications, monitoring your moods so that adjustments can be made, and getting some therapy are crucial to your stability. You sound like you have some good reasons to get this under control. Like a 9 year old son. And a husband that cares but is getting a little worn down by all of this. And yourself. All good reasons. Oh, by the way, welcome to the "family". Lots of fantasitc people here with untold amounts of experience dealing with issues like you are having. Tap into their knowledge, and their understanding, and their support. I wish you and your family the best. Paul |
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kc8
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thanks paul i have a hard time trying the whole "phyciatrist" thing...(think i spelled it wrong...OOPS) anyhow, im just sooo sfraid of gaining weight if im put on meds. im not sure if u read my profile,... i have a eating disorder... it controls me. but i do feel my husband is sick of this, as i said, i dont blame him, im afraid he will leave me. i CANT help it... REALLY!!! i wish i could eat, i wish i was normal... maybe one day...  |
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momof2rugrats Posts: 1176
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Kc, I really hate to seem like I'm shoving the whole psychologist/iatrist down your throat. Maybe some people have gotten better & thru their own issues on their own. I couldn't have done it. You never really said 'why' you won't consider it. It is hard to rehash some of the old things we had to go thru in our lives, but to work thru them & to get past them & to find closure sometimes is the best way?Even tho it is hard at the time?Not sure if I am even making since here? When I visited my family Dr. They suspected that I had bipolar, they referred me to a pyschologist to be further diagnosed. I believe it was the best thing that ever happend to me. I really hope you get things figured out. You have everything to be happy & live your life to the fullest for! Hugs, Amber Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride.
-Katy Perry |
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zapitolove
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my husband decide to treat himself and now he is worse than ever, please seek help. Love yourself and get help. |
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