I am in the absolute worst mood today. Pray none of my students cross my path because between the weather, the paint smells in the building, my aching body, and my upcoming pdoc appointment this afternoon, I am on one.
And speaking of my appointment, I was lucky to get this one. I had one scheduled for tomorrow, but work interfered, so I called to reschedule it and they told me that I wouldn't be able to get another one until mid august. I kinda panicked so they sent me back to talk to the nurse and she (who knows me very well) squeezed me in for today. I shall be eternally grateful to her because I need to make sure I'm steady and calm and have my anxiety and emotions under control before embarking on my trip back east. I will need all the chemical support I can get in order to be able to deal with my family for 2 weeks.
So I'm grateful and lucky to be seeing pdoc at all, but as always I'm fidgety and nervous before an appointment. My fear and phobia of doctors and their offices prevails, no matter how well I know and/or like the doctor. I'm going to be pretty much useless all day because all I can think about is the appointment this afternoon.
I hope that this appointment goes better than the last because nothing was done last time. I bombed the appointment by going by myself without the roomie for support. I don't do well at any kind of doc appt. without someone to basically hold my hand and put the words back into my mouth when they try to escape. Also, pdoc is slightly intimidating and I'm a bit freaked sometimes by the differences between her and her supervisor who I used to see but who no longer sees patients, just does administrative stuff. It's all a complicated mess and can you tell that when I'm nervous I ramble??? haha ok I'll stop now.
I seem to drive P-Docs away. Retirement, Early Retirement, transfer to Alaska to run Anger Management Groups with Polar Bears and on and on.
But my Nurse Practioner is able to evaluate me, talk to the Head of Services Doc and keep me on the right side of insane. Or I think so.
Families are a curse at times. Mine I just curse! They know the buttons to push and where to bury the needles for most effect. I avoid them.
It's called 'Trigger Avoidance' or for me "Survival Instincts'! They don't realize I'd like to turn the Family Reunion into something that would make the Bate's Motel look like the Mariott when they play they're little games.
That's great that you got squeezed into your doctors! I hope you are bringing someone with you this time since you have a hard time with him. As for people crossing your path, you shouldn't feel like you are going to rip someone's head off, be sure you tell the doc about that. You may need a med tweak. I hope you start to feel better soon. As just like cptblack says, ramble on. Stay strong. Hugs
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