Bipolar Support Group

Hi everyone. I'm feeling very confused and don't know much about bipolar disorder and needed some advice.

I recently started dating a guy. Its only been like 3 months, but he was very extreme in his feelings. More so than just being excited about a new relationship. He told me that he loved me right away. He wanted to spend every day together and would get upset if we couldn't. He told me that he couldn't lose me and never wanted to be without me. He even talked about how we should move in together and how one day he wanted to get married to me. I was a little worried because everything was just moving so fast and so extreme, but it was kind of nice that a guy actually liked me for once and wasn't afraid to talk about his feelings. He told me that no matter what happened though he would always be my friend and we always worked through all of our issues very easily. I really thought this was too good to be true and it was...

One day he just told me that, "Things changed and things were different now." and he couldn't explain why they just were. It didn't make sense to me cuz nothing was wrong nothing had changed we weren't fighting. Anyways, I didn't really worry about it thinking it would be ok since there was no issue in my mind and we had always work through things. He kept telling me that though and decided to break up with me. I was confused, but figured if he needed space I would give it to him. So since we left each other amicably I continued to be his friend and talk to him, but the more I talked to him the more he seemed to hate me and get mad at me. This coming from a guy who was always so chill and never had any problems with.

It was like night and day. He went from loving me and not imagining being without me to being so mean and saying very hurtful things and then ignoring me. This happened basically in a couple of days.

I talked to his mom about it and she told me that he is bipolar (I had no idea until she told me) and that he is manic right now. She said that this time of year is hard for him and that I should just leave him alone. Its hard cuz up to this point he was my best friend and now he wants nothing to do with me.

So my questions are:

Is it normal for bipolar people to be extremely hot and cold like this in relationships?

Is it normal for them just to ignore you suddenly?

When he come out of his manic cycle will he come back to me?

Should I just wait it out?

I'm so confused.

I wish I had known he was bipolar so I could have just know from the beginning and been prepared. He just seems like a totally different person. Like I don't know him anymore at all. I want to show him that I care for him, but everything I do and say makes him so angry. So right now I'm waiting it out and leaving him alone. I haven't talked to him in a week. I don't know how long his phases last. Its hard, but any advice would be appreciated.

I think it's entirely possible that he could be like this for summer. Seasonal changes always get me, and I think that's fairly common for a lot of people with bp.

I know from my own experience that I need my time 2 regroup. Maybe his afraid of intimacy n not sure how u would react 2 his illness. Its not that easy 2 discuss n know how the person will react. It could b his insecure in the relationship. He may need time 2 explain what happens when his moods change n wonder if u r ready to take this on. Take care

In Bipolar So's Support Forums you can find many similar stories than yours.

The idea that he told you he loved you so soon is a big red flag. That could have nothng to do with bipolar and everything to do with his inexperience with relationships. The Bipolar SO group will probably provide you with more help. Take care!

The group folks have referred you to is

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses- discussions

You will find others there who have experience with this sort of situation.

In my experience when a guy acted like that, he was talking to another girl. I don't want to discourage you, that has just been my problem with my ex-boyfriend and I could eventually know by the way he acted since we broke up and got together so many times. I'm not saying this is what he is going through. I do know that you shouldn't move so fast in a relationship. That you should take the time to get to know each other. Since his mother brought up the bipolar and said to just leave him alone it may be the bipolar. She should know him very well and the signs of his moods. It's hard to tell if he'll come around or not, but if you're serious about this relationship, then you need to discuss his illness and what you should expect from him. You can only take so much of this kind of relationship. Do you know if he takes medication? Hugs

To answer a few of your questions from the BP prospective:

I don't know that it's "normal" for people with bp to react this way in relationships as the disorder effects people differently, but I know that my husband and I have gone through similar things several times. I used to go through my cycles about once every six months or so and ask for a separation, try to kick him out, moved out once myself. It was very hard on him and, up until my diagnosis and finding out more about BP, I had both of us convinced it was his fault every time.

I can't tell you if he'll come back or not, only time will tell. When I was only dating and I had an episode, I usually dropped someone once and moved on. Things were different with my husband though...I guess he just knew how to "handle" me correctly. haha

On waiting it out, only you can make that decision, but you need to understand that if you do and if you are considering a life with this man, it will take A LOT of support and dedication on your part as you will go through these highs and lows throughout your relationship. He has to be accountable for his actions but that usually comes after the fact (after the episode is over) as it's not something we have much control over in the moment and, in the mean time, a BP's spouse or SO is right in the middle of it with us. This is only the beginning of the ride and in order to answer your own question on waiting it out, you need to first ask yourself if you're willing to go through this with him again (and again and again).

Thank you so much everyone for you support. It has been a few weeks now and he hasn't spoken to me once. I tried reaching out once and got no response. I'm thinking that I just need to move on. It will be hard, but if he does want to talk to me I will always be here as a friend.

That's a really good attitude to have. I'm glad you are thinking of moving on. He doesn't deserve you anyways. Lots of hugs