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Bipolar Community Bipolar Support Forums General & Support Husband's family is interferring
 

Husband's family is interferring


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11/17/2007 08:17
hmjohnson
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 So. My husband has been in the hospital for a week and a half. And obviously in that time he hasn't completely stablized but he has made some progress and seemed to be making the long journey to acceptance of this. He has been plesant to both me and his social worker and even thanked me for getting him in the hospital. Well, then his family got ahold of him in the hospital and they are very manipulative people and they do not want me in his life because they think that I am the cause of him being in the hospital and that he doesn't need help and the only thing wrong with him is me in his life and the fact that he does not live with them in Florida. The second after he got off the phone with them he called me blaming me for him being in there and telling me he is moving out and accusing me of trying to get in "contact" with other men. He even cancelled my visitation to see him with our son. I am so upset. His family just does not understand. They refuse to learn about this disorder and they are setting him back. I have not cried once throughout this situation until then. Now I feel completely powerless against them. He is sick and of course is very easy to manipulate and persuade if the right things are said to him. I e-mailed his sister because she kept trying to get in contact with me and I told her how I felt about things and tried to explain the situation to her. But she never responded and now his social worker has not contacted me or returned my calls or page. She was supposed to get in contact with me Thursday afternoon, but when she didn't I called and left her a voicemail and I did so yesterday in addition to calling her pager. But I got nothing in return. So now I am freaking out that my H's family got ahold of his social worker and made up some lie so she won't contact me anymore. Or told him to revoke the papers he said giving his social worker permission to share information with me. Could they do that? I just don't know what to do anymore. I just keep my conversations short with H and when he is getting not very plesant with is accusations and such I just tell him I miss him and we both love him and I get off the phone. He goes to his final court hearing on Wednesday to see if he will be committed or not. I just wish his family would back off so he can get better. But I guess what can I really do at this point? I am tired of fighting against them everytime this happens. They don't want to hear what I have to say. I have never met such a vindictive mother. And it breaks my heart that things are like this. All I want is what is best for my H so he can live a happy and fulfilling life. And for once I thought he was on his way...

I just feel so lost and helpless. And I do not know what to do anymore. I feel like they are going to rip him away from me and our son and all I can do is stand there and watch.

Thanks for listening
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11/17/2007 08:33
jlh1956
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 I am so sorry to hear about this - families who enable the sick person are hard to cope with. They don't want to accept his illness, probably because it makes them feel like failures somehow. It is an ignorant and defeating attitude for them to take. My dad's family did the same thing, and of course he listened to them, not my mom, because it was the easy way out for him, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of his mangled life. Is there someone professionally you can talk to, my first thought is your pastor, or someone that could council you about this. I think you need to talk to someone, if for nothing else just to make you feel better about what you are doing. The truth of the matter is that you cannot make someone get help for themselves if they refuse, no matter how much you want to and try. Try to find comfort in the fact that you are doing everything you can for him, but at some point you may have to let him fall and hope that he can find the strength to pick himself up again. In the meantime, focus on you and your son trying to do what' best for you. This is such a hard thing, but I want you to know that you are doing everything you can, but it is hard to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. There are other people on this forum who have been through all of this before so maybe they can offer you more insight and guidance.

God Bless!
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11/17/2007 12:30
zovjraar
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 hm, i am so sorry for you. i don't know if they can revoke the original paperwork on sharing info, i would think, yes, but the social worker should call you to tell you even that. i'm sorry that things seemed to be looking up and then crashed, that is the worst experience. if he is still in the system, the doctors will hopefully be able to see that he still needs help, and will get him the help he needs, maybe after he is on some medication he will be able to think more clearly and will see that you only want the best for him.

good luck and take care of yourself and your son
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11/17/2007 14:02
damselndistress
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 Yes let's hope the staff at the hospital saw his dysfunctional side in action. If they did chances are nothing the family says will sway their opinion. Wives can't bring that on or be blamed for that. I'm crossing my fingers that the right thing happens for your husband . And hugs on the in-law situation, I deal with different degrees of that myself at times.

BIG HUGS!!! Let us know what happens.
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