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Bipolar Community Bipolar Support Forums General & Support Bipolar fiance (New to the illness)
 

Bipolar fiance (New to the illness)


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11/16/2007 13:12
soniac
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 Hi my name is Sonia. I just got engaged to my fiance that just found out was bipolar. He actually proposed to me the day after we found out that he was bipolar. He was going through a manic phase and was in the hospital. It has been really hard dealing with this specially because we do not live in the same state at the moment. I feel as I am constantly on an emotional roller coaster! I feel like he is an extremely fragile person and I constantly feel like I dont know what to say. I am not gonna lie I do take a lot of the things he says to me to heart so I get upset or sad. I know that I should not be emotional but it is so hard! I would like him to get help and support. At the moments he doesnt want to discuss those things with me he just gets upset. I want to figure out a way to get him the proper support that he needs. I want him to talk to someone or learn more about the illness. SO if any one has any suggestions for me please please write me. I am so lost, confused, scared and stressed!!! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

May God Bless you all!

Post edited by: soniac, at: 11/17/2007 11:24


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11/16/2007 23:51
MsBimbo
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 Dear Sonia,

He already is deceiving you. What you do at this point is up to you.

If you really want my advice? I'd run not walk back to my state and get myself help for wanting to help someone who won't help themselves and taking responsibility for his condition for him and then worrying about it all......need I go on????

MsBimbo
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11/17/2007 03:00
jlh1956
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 My advice and this comes from the daughter of a

Bipolar I, alcoholic, in denial his whole life - Run like the wind while you have the chance, and I'm not kidding! Mrs. Bimbo is right.
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11/17/2007 17:51
carmen33
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 I will have to agree with the others, if they don't want to get help, no amount of begging, pleading and threatening will make them, they have to want too, and you seriously don't want to enter into a marriage with someone that knows they have a major problem and doesn't want to do anything about it.

Carmen

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/ 02_diagnosis.html#soft
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http://www.mdjunction.com/diabetes-type-1
http://www.mdjunction.com/diabetes-type-2
http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-type-ii
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11/17/2007 23:59
sassysue
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 Its never easy my boyfriend is bipolar all i can say is dont be like me and think you can fix him because we cant fix them. I love my guy and i know youmust feel the same but its always going to be a struggle and from my research it will never change, but if you truly love him join a support group i have and it helps good luck
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11/19/2007 12:23
BraveHeart
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 I was just like you before I got married. Wanting to be there for him and be supportive. All the while he was manipulative (no. it wasn't obvious to me at the time) and eventually refused to get help. Now we're getting divorced after 2 1/2 years of marriage. His disorder pushed him away from me. I agree with the others that say RUN RUN RUN away from this! I wish I had. You're in for a very intense roller coaster that will very likely crash and burn. You deserve better.

Post edited by: BraveHeart, at: 11/19/2007 14:24

Post edited by: BraveHeart, at: 11/19/2007 14:25


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11/19/2007 19:06
Laur
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 The others are right. He will never change if he

doesn't think he 'needs to'. I have been with my

husband 22 years. It just gets worse & worse if they

are in denial. Any stressers you have in life (good

or bad) ex: new jobs, moving, births, deaths, vacations, etc

can trigger episodes. If he doesn't medicate with proper

treatment from a doctor, he may start to 'self medicate'

with alcohol to dull his pain.. This will magnify the intensity

of his future episodes...things will just keep getting worse.

Been there, lived it, getting out for my sanity....




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12/16/2007 20:56
NorthPolar
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 Sonia, I believe relationships are possible to keep while one person is bipolar. My wife is bipolar and after five years of marriage, I still can't tell the difference between a bipolar episode and reality. However, I still love her and we often have long discussions about how I am to "help" when she is manic or depressed. I would advise you to convince your fiance to get help so he can get the right balance of medications. If he does not, He may do very dangerous things later on in your lives together. Men can be ten times as destructive on a low. Men can also be ten times as helpful to their wives and families on a high. If he is not willing to accept help, you may find yourself wishing that he would improve himself for all of your marriage. He is your fiance, so you must love him strongly for some reasons you and he understand together. If he loves you back, he will humble himself to understand how you feel about his health and your potentiality of a balanced and controlled marriage. On another note, he being bipolar, may have made a rash decision when he was on either a high or a low. When you can figure out when he is balanced and capable of making a sober(able to think straight) decision, ask him again to talk to a psychologist and get the diagnosis that may help you both one day.
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