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05/01/2010 08:31 AM

Treating my boyfriend like shit, how do I stop?

catcat
 
Posts: 4
Member

I love my boyfriend to bits, he is the man I want to spend my life with with, but I seem to do everything possible to push him over the edge. I've been in a couple of really, really bad relationships earlier, with physical and psychological abuse and cheating, so I know how lucky I am to be with him.

He's a selfproclaimed commitment phobic, but we've decided to move in together, after seeing each other for about 2 years.we've decided to take it step by step, by me moving into his rented flat, and taking it from there by buying a house in a while.This is something we both really really look forward to, but it looks like I'm well on way to sabotage my relationship. Everything should be fine, but then there's my awful temper and mood swings.

The last couple of months, just about everything sets me off. Him planning to go to Vegas with friends, not wanting to have a baby with me immidiately, not being able to plan a long holiday with me this summer (due to friends' weddings) comments he's made (recently and months ago) about the way celebreties look, I use pretty much every opportunity I get to tell him that he doesn't love me, I deserve better, he's being selfish, etc...

So far he's put up with this, but I think he rached his limit last night. I kept him up most of the night, constantly calling him on his phone, wanting to talk to him about me having a miscarriage last year (he accused me of using that as a weapon, and I'm scared he's right)

He told me to leave him alone!!!! and that we have to split up, but I called him earlier this morning and he told me he'd call me back, so all hope can't be gone?

Why have I turned into this awful person, and do you think I have a chance of snapping out of it? Has anyone else been in a situation like this and being able to rescue their relationship?

Please, I need some advice on how to show him that I want to change and be the girlfriend he deserves and how to get better.

I apologize for my english, it's not my first language.

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05/01/2010 09:03 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

The only thing I can comment on is the comment you made about being lucky to be with him. I wouldn't consider yourself lucky.You need to realize that you are worthy of a man that respects you and treats you well. Once you realize that, maybe every thing else will fall into place. I wish you the best and I am sure others will have more advice for you. Hang in there!

05/01/2010 10:13 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
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I'm an Advocate

Do you take medication? You could need a med tweak or an all new med. That's the first thing I would look into. It sounds to me like you are suffocating the man. He needs time alone sometimes just like we do. Let him go with his friends, do his own thing sometimes. He needs to breathe. I have treated a man like shit before, but I was hanging at the bar and didn't really want to be with him, I felt sorry for him and I will always regret the way I treated him. I can't believe he put up with it so long before I broke it off. Are you paranoid that he will start seeing a new girl? You could be obsessing and that pushes him farther away. I've done that before too and have been told that by acting that way, it made him want to go out and cheat. I think you need to sit down with each other and communicate on what you both want in life, what you like about each other, dislike, etc. and work on it from there. I would hate to see you push him away forever by your actions. Talk to your pdoc though, they have medications they can prescribe that help. I used to be clingy just like you and it's not healthy. As for miscarriage being a weapon, that may just be true. Don't use it as a weapon. Use it as an experience and seek therapy if you aren't over it. I wish you luck and am here if you need me. Hugs

05/01/2010 10:55 AM
catcat
 
Posts: 4
Member

Thank you both for replying.

Joy75: I used to take Lamictal and Cipralex, sometimes something to sleep on, but due to a lot of therapy, my psychiatrist decided to take me off, and I've been fine for about 3 years.The last couple of weeks, I've been taking Sobril and Flunipam,just to get away from my racing thoughts, but I can't keep taking that forever. I think I'm about to go into a new depressive stage and that the anxiety manifests itself as me being obsessed with my boyfriend and relationship?

What kind of medication do you think would help in this situation? Just going back on antidepressant?

I know i need to give him some space, he's going away for a week next week, and I leave to go and work elsewhere, and I really hope that I'll be able to not get in touch with him when he's there.

I try to be "hard to get", I've planned a holiday with my twin sister, but all I can think is that that's week wasted that I'd rather have spent with him.

I just hope it's not too late, and that he can try and remember me as the nice girl I am, not the stalker I've become


05/01/2010 12:15 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

My irritability is controlled by an anti-psychotic, My mood is controlled by a mood stabilizer. My depression by an antidepressant and and a medicine food dietary supplement, so I take all those meds to make me more normal. Call your doc, and see what he says. Just an antidepressant can throw you into mania. They are usually prescribed with a mood stabilizer. The week with your sister isn't going to be wasted. You can spend time with him when you get back. Communicate with him by telling him how you feel. Hugs to you

05/01/2010 01:08 PM
laughalot
laughalot  
Posts: 3687
Senior Member

i tend to more intolerant when i havent had much sleep, alot of it i like my own way and things to go my way...My husband tends to say things to irritate me most of the time it just washes over me but he is yet to learn the signs when i am very tired cause it is then when i fly off the handle at him really he is like a little spoilt boy which can be cute most of the time and it does make me laugh,

But he can really push my buttons to the max...

It would be good if you could find a man who could read your moods some women are lucky but now am trying to learn the skill of saying nothing - but it very hard... because nagging doesnt work but sometimes it only really makes you feel better but doesnt get you anywhere

Relationships are the hardest thing to make work, it should be teamwork but some reason it never seem to work like that i guess cause we think to much about our selves to work together to make it work for the each other.

i guess thats where the saying' you cant live with him but cant live with out him either.

I am sure that you will work it out if your love is strong for each other i spilt from each other but we could be with out each other for long


05/01/2010 01:24 PM
dogdown51
dogdown51  
Posts: 405
Member

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but could it b u r insecure in this relationship. You have to take care of yourself first and then reassess the communication factor with him. Some times we bring in our old baggage with us which can damage a new relationship.

05/02/2010 04:36 AM
catcat
 
Posts: 4
Member

dogdown51: No, I don't think you're wrong about me being insecure, not only in this realtionship, but also in my job. I'm about to get a promotion, and my new position means more responsibilities and the way I go about to make sure I can do the job,is to focus a lot onit, read every thing I can about the subject, ask my colleges and generally being obsessed with succeding. I guess that's not the best approach when it comes to realtionships... my self esteem and sense of self worth is shit, but I'm hoping that will improve when I show myself that I can can do this new job. I can sit down and smell the roses, but only when I know that every thing else is in place, and that's probably ine of the things it would be good for me to work on. Talked to my man a couple of hours ago, we're fine, and I'm going out for dinner and a movie with a friend today, and I'm planning on leaving my phone at home and enjoy the night Smile

Thank you so much everyone for taking me seriously and not just telling me to get a grip. I mean, I know that's what I have to do, i just didn't know how...


05/02/2010 05:16 AM
FatherKarras
FatherKarras  
Posts: 3261
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

This was a psychiatrist that took you off of the meds? Bipolar isn't curable. It has to be treated with at the very least a mood stabilizer. It's confusing that the pdoc (psychiatrist) would take you off your meds. It sounds like you've been manic. That's when I get the most abusive and intolerant.

If this is the case, I would certainly call your pdoc first thing Monday morning and tell them of your symptoms. At least a mood stabilizer, if not an additional antiD is vital and essential.


05/02/2010 06:03 AM
catcat
 
Posts: 4
Member

Yes, a psychiatrist, I even think mood disorders are his speciality. I'll get in touch with him as soon as I can, I haven't seen him for over a year, seen as he went on a sabaticcal and I've been doing so well the last years.

Yes, I think getting me back on Lamictal would be a good idea, Sobril and sleeping pills weren't enough to push me back down to sanity...

Does anyone have any suggestions about books my boyfriend could read about being bipolar? I was thinking about "an unquiet mind" but I feel like that doesn't describe me that well, seen as I'm type 2 and haven't had any fullblown manic episodes...

Post edited by: catcat, at: 05/02/2010 06:05 AM

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