crumbs

He has been on bigtime drinking binges, spending binges, moods up & down, ruined a vacation by getting drunk everyday and/or not getting out of bed in the room, verbally abusive & name calling, informed us he was moving out, didn't want to be married anymore, doesn't know if he still loves me (22 years together, that's nice), skimping on family re: finances to have more to spend on crap, lying about how much money he made, went weeks refusing to eat my cooking, went days without talking to any of us, made a complete AH out of himself at a family party (drunk and loud), no card or gift for me for our anniversary, totally obnoxious hyper & manic etc etc etc. WELL after 5 MONTHS of this....

He gave me a hug the other day. I felt 'the real him'

was there giving me the first hug in 4 MONTHS! Rocking me back & forth, patting my back, kissing my neck, a good old fashioned hug. Afterwards, I went to another room and cried my eyes out. I feel like this illness has reduced what he is capable of giving to crumbs.

Tonight he said he is sorry for being mean to me & he should never have said the things he said. He says he is stopping drinking beer (HA, I should make him write that down)

Then after an hour of acting 'normal' he started pacing around & informed he is going shopping by himself because he just got paid!!! So, even though he is 'trying to be good',

tomorrow is another day, and we'll probably owe another 500 bucks on some credit card, because instead of sitting home getting drunk, he is out on a

spending spree. Because he won't go to the Dr. & he won't try meds & he doesn't HAVE mood swings, I do.

I am sick & tired of crumbs.

protect myself when he is so out of it, that when he starts

to be the least little bit OK it can really get to me at times.

It doesn't matter how long you have been married or together, you are not some dog under her master's table being forces to live off the scraps and droppings.

does his good days out number his bad? if not then honey think of yourself and your children, staying in a marriage just so that the kids will have two parents, isn't doing them a favor, and can hurt them in the future.

You can cancel the credit cards, close the bank account, etc...but all that will do is serve to piss him off, and he will just spend his paycheck anyway.

Take Care

Carmen