Bipolar Support Group

I only managed to get three hours of sleep last night and only 4 the night before. All I know if I'm stretched thin and when I ask for help it falls on deaf ears. My daughter got up early this morning, which only made it worse on me. I feel like I'm not allowed to hurt. It seems when I try to explain why I feel the way I do to other people, it isn't heard. Like what I have to say isn't important enough or something. Of course I'm "the crazy one". That's how I feel. The crazy person is just that. Crazy. I try to explain that I need help sometimes, but when I really need it... it seems no one is there. Maybe its just the state of mind I'm in right now. I just hurt. Mentally. Low sleep always takes it toll on me. Of course... no one seems to understand that's part of what makes me snap. I have no right to explode. That it is all just in my head. That bipolar isn't a real disease, that its just an excuse to flip out on people. Bull sh*t. Do you think I like being this way? Do you think I like the out of control feeling? Do you think I like feeling miserable? I love my husband, but he seems to reverting instead of moving forward with me. He is one of those guys who is uber smart, but he is one of those who has to see it to believe it and he's starting to think that I'm just wanting attention. Do you think anyone wants to be out of control? Do you think anyone wants to hurt so bad? Do you think anyone likes not being able to stop themselves from exploding on unsuspecting and undeserving people? I mean... I don't know... Maybe I really am just losing it.

Lack of sleep will really bring on mania/hypomania so i really hope you are not heading there. You sound very anxious almost panicky with having all that pent up emotions inside of you resulting in you feeling no one hears you or listens...YES you do have a right to express all of how you feel to your husband and anyone else (pdoc/tdoc/friends/family) who cares what they think.

Whenever stress got high in my life, i found a therapist and received a lot of wonderful help. Also i insisted that my husband and i get marriage councilling i needed him to really know how i was feeling/doing and these sessions helped my husband understand bipolar and how these symptoms affected me. We had to get that extra help as a couple b/c my illness was affecting him too. My husband quit drinking alcohol as a result of marriage councilling.

Again, let it all out, you know we are here and understand, i sure can with that feeling that no one udnerstands and really needing someone to just show some empathy. Wishing you wellness and keep posting and continue to let your feelings out here...thats what we are here for to help one another.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 04/20/2010 06:39 AM

I understand your feelings. I too am in the same dilemnia. My pdoc changed me medications and now I am getting bout 4 or 5 hours a night. I am maniac all day. I live with my in-laws who are horrible drug users and alcoholics and my home life sucks. I am so panicky all day and just wish i could close my eyes and life was better. I feel like there is no way out. I think this contributes to my manic behavior. I guerss i get scared I will start back down a road I just left. Any insight?

You people who are not sleeping need to see your pdoc before you are in worse shape than you already are. Adequate sleep is key for a person with Bipolar to stay and/or get healthy. Calling pdoc even, they can give you instructions or call in scripts for you. So , don't just talk about it, you need to at least call pdoc. He won't know you are having a problem, unless you let him know.

I totally agree with Santos. I've had problems sleeping off and on and believe me those days without sleep really lend towards severe mania or hyopmania. My pdoc took me off all psych meds temporarily but increased my sleeping med to temazapam 30mg. I'm finally sleeping great and feel pretty good as well despite not being on any psych meds. I truly believe that sleep, exercise and eating well are key to us bipoar's well being. Hang in there and get some help soon before it gets worse. I also empathize with babygirl, it's so hard to go it alone. You don't have to here there are a lot of great people that care and listen. It's been a life saver for me. Take Care Trudy