HELP/ relationship

I am Bipolar 2 and am on meds still working on the right ones though...My problems with my relationship is kinda personal but I am desperate... My Fiance and I have not made Love in 14 months... He says because its the way I treat him I have good days and bad but he doesn't hold me hug me touch me or kiss me nothing... I know he is not cheating he never goes anywhere with out me or anything. Does anyone have any advise or goning through any thing like this....I do treat him bad when I have my " episodes" but they have gotten so much better and still nothing from him... What should I do????

She can say mean and nasty things. Just because her mood changes doesn't mean that I'm not still feeling the pain and the hurt. And getting thru that takes THERAPY. My g/f doesn't understand how emotionally crippling it is. To her they are episodes. To me they are completely devestating. I can tell you right now every nasty thing she has said to me since we have gotten together. They are engrained in my brain and play like a tape over and over. Just because things are improving or she is working on things doesn't make that tape stop playing. Patterns of new behavior over time with me being HER priority is what I am looking for. Everytime she has one of her episodes, it brings up all the pain and fear from every other episode that I have gone thru. Why would I want to cuddle after all that? And I get even more pissed off that she expects it because that to me means that she has no idea how I feel and doesn't respect me enough to understand. Who is she to expect anything of me? OMG! The world relvolves around her and her moods as it is.

LOL!! This might sound a little angry. But this is what goes on in my head. I am not sure if the insight into my head helps or even applies in your situation.

This is what works for me, I think about what the hell I am doing, and then decide if the consequense is worth the behavior. Am I willing to accept it? If so, I do it. If not I don't. No excuses, no blaming it on bipolar disorder, no blaming it on anyone but myself.

And I don't allow others to make excuses for me. That is crippling.

Brutal honesty with myself and my behavior. I own the problem and no one else.

Puppylover, if he is harboring resentment from things you have said or done in the past, you guys need some couples counseling. Going that long without affectionate interaction is not healthy. Your relationship may be able to be saved. Since he is a fiancee what happens if you guys get married???

Post edited by: Losingmyself, at: 08/15/2008 10:36

I have stood by her thru everything. Doing everything I can to be supportive, understanding, taking her abuse...relationships are a give and take. In our case, she is big on taking and taking and taking...the giving is not consistant and when she does it usually comes after I have said I've had it and have one foot out the door.

Then suddenly I get candy and flowers. Then it seems superficial. I act like I appreciate it but I know that it is just a matter of time before she hates me or I make her miserable or she will be disgusted with me.

What did work for a while was her STOPPING HER SHIT! Those "episodes" suck so bad for me. I take the brunt of it. What she started doing instead was say to me, "I am being irrational right now" and that was my cue to get out of the way. That let me know that she was really trying. Then I felt like we were working TOGETHER. Instead of me working at holding her together and her being a victim to herself. If that makes sense.

To me until it stops - and I am not blamed for her misery - I really am not interested. I love her. But it's hard for me to feel loving towards her. I am not appreciated for being me, for being here, for loving her, for supporting or helping....I think that telling the person you love every day how much you apperciate them everyday goes a long, long way. (YES EVERYDAY!)

Say it and mean it. Thank me for putting up with all this shit. For trying to find the right doctor. For taking care of the kids, the money and the house while she's on a tirade or so caught up in her misery that she is out destroying our relationship. For literally picking up the pieces of broken things and putting them back together after she lost her temper. For believing her the millions of times that she told me she was going to change and never did. For all the hateful words I have lived with for the last six years - that she wouldn't walk up and say to someone on the street. For the lies and rollercoaster that became our life. APPRECIATE ME FOR STAYING AND BEING THERE! Recognize what I have done and what I do, who I am and what I go thru. She is so used to having the world revolve her that she just expects it now. I am tired of spinning around her. I won't do it anymore. I am tired. I am human. I want someone who loves me all the time, not just when it's convienient or they're not having an "episode" I want the lies and abuse to stop.

Post edited by: clknia08, at: 08/15/2008 11:15