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zinnia
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i have a case right now with another attorney (a man) who has always treated me very poorly. this is a big case and i am co-counsel with another firm. bad attorney's office is across the street from mine. other attorney lives far away. my co-counsel asked me to go to bad attorney's office and look over orders with him. as soon as i walked in the door, he started yelling and told me to "fuck off" and that i "don't know what the fuck i'm talking about". he did this in front of his client and his assistant. he always treats me this way and i'm not looking for someone to tell me how to stick up for myself. i've done that. problem is, this is causing me a panic attack right now and i'm so angry at myself. he hasn't gotten to me for so long and i'm so mad at everything. this is a BIG case and i can't blow it. i can't breath and i'm so angry. i need to get myself under control and get some advice on how to calm down. he gets so mean with me that he scares me sometimes, though i don't show it. i can't catch my breath. HELP! Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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norma
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Sugar, this is were you grow some balls. He is bluffing, because he is a bully and knows he can be one. Smile when he pulls this kind of bull. I have been in the same circumstances. Ignore his outburst. He is doing it to get just the reaction you are having...it is like the gorillas in the rainforest...running up to be agressors...think of him being a gorilla. Channell Jane Goodall... The way to handle animals like this is to be smarter than they are, which you are. Look him in the eye, never drop your gaze until he backs off...and don't get angry. Treat him like the animal, he is. Just be calm...draw from that inner peace...that I know you have... "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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zinnia
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thanks, norma. i'm so mad at myself right now for how i feel. i walked out of that office with my head held high, but i'm so angry at myself that i get back to my office and fall apart. i've tried having balls, walking away, confronting him, writing to him, killing him with kindness-i've accepted we aren't going to get along. i just want to change my own reaction to what he does. i'm so panicky right now my heart feels like a hummingbird and i could throw up. why do there have to be so many assholes in one tiny little town? and i'm sorry, but they're all men! Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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Mandy
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First hun, sit down get a drink, BREATHE, and realize he is in fact an asshole and u r truly so much better then he is, standing up and screaming back at him would have only made it harder on urself and ur case. I would immediatly go to who ever is overhead of u in ur branch and tell them, tellem' u swallowed ur pride and did what u were told and this is uncaled for. Tell them u will not take ths treatment again and press charges against the other firm!! I would! Hell he knows in his feild he has no right to talk to u this way and it is harrassment of sorts and is illegal. Did u realize laws stae a man can not cuss in front of or directed to a female or children. yep and old law that isnt usedoften but there ya go. Are u any better then u were when u wrote this? Love and Let Live!
Never regret anything, everything has made you who you are! |
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norma
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It is the testosterne levels in the water of the town. Call city hall and have it checked...LOL seriously, I react the same way...but, it is getting better. He sounds like a very unhappy person who is taking it out on the world. Bet he is miserable. Don't let him project that misery on you, honey. And wasting one minute on the asshole is robbing you of happy time...and you deserve happy time, Z. His penance is he has to be around himself 24/7. That is a life sentence of misery...for him. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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bejeweled
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Ohhh dharling....I like to laugh in people's faces myself. Then I ask them who the fuck they're talking to? I am intimidating. Being a force to be reckoned with is easy - look em' in the eye and make them feel stupid. Sarcasm works wonders too. I worked (still do) 14 years in a greek diner. And there were NO rules in this place. Sexual harrasment, rape, beat downs....oh please, this kitchen had it ALL. Anyway, there was a cook who by some miracle had worked there for 30 years. In order to START his shift he needed to drink a milkshake container of vodka. He was a total psycho. He would put our platters in the broiler so when we picked them out of the window we'd end up with 2nd degree burns. He screamed at all of us, called us names, threw knives, pots, pans....He was absolutely the meanest, ugliest and nastiest man on the planet. He made lots of girls cry. Not me. On the cooks line, there are four cooks. EVERYONE was afraid of this guy. Not me. LOL. What I did is took his power away. I made up a nickname of "Pookie bear." OMG! That cracked EVERYONE up. Who would dare call this man that? I would say things like (in a baby voice) "Oh it wooks wike pookie wookie didn't take his happy pills today." Or "Uh-oh it wooks wike pookie wookie saw his tiny peepee again and now pookie bear is wangry." Ahhhh, unlimited possibilities with insults. And all he could do is what he always did. Get mad, turn blue, throw things...so? he was going to do that anyway. Now at least everyone LAUGHED at him when he did it. It changed how everyone else felt. The secret to zingers is to come at em' fast. So if he says "Fuck you." You say, "Oh whats wrong (insert bad attorney's name here) your little niece wouldn't give it up last night?" Or "Oh, you poor thing, you must not be getting any. What the viagra not working or is your wife whoring around again?" LOL People only have as much power as you give them. And some people, like Norma said bully people just because they can. I promise you that if I were with that man for five minutes - I wouldn't even have to say anything and he would know better. They smell weakness and they attack. Just to make themselves feel better. People like this are actually really insecure. Make them feel stupid a couple of times in public and they will leave you alone and look for easier prey. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
"Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar. Stuck on a roller coster and can't get off this ride."
-Kate Perry Hot & Cold. |
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keepthefaith
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Z, Tell him Paul is only 1 mile from I-75, and can be in town in no time, to STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT WITH HIM!!!!!! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, talks to our Zinnia that way. Paul Post edited by: keepthefaith, at: 07/30/2008 11:50 |
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zoey
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I am new to this group but what I learned from my Intensive outpatient group is this. 1. Set boudaries with this man. Iwould tell him that I will not discuss the case in a unprofessional manner and walk out. 2. Do not let him take your power. By him yelling at you, you are giving him your power of not letting let his behavior affect how you feel. Take it back and do not let let him make you feel this way. 3. The best thing for me in a panic attach, is deep breathing, relaxtion techiques (you can in a chair). If that does not work, I take an antianixety pill. I take Kolopin and y psyDr, said jsut take one if he attack isbad. Hope this helps. I feel for you. I can not even stnd to be yelled by anyone let alone cursed at in a profesoinal setting. Zoey  |
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zinnia
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oh, you guys helped me calm down so much. it was laughing at bejeweled's post that did it. he is just such a prick. i have stood my ground with him so many times. one time, we had a knock down drag out right in the courthouse in the jury room. all the screaming in the world didn't do shit, because you're right. he's so fucking unhappy. i don't know why i let myself get riled up when i'm not around him after he does these things. i don't like to be talked to like that and it's a trigger (verbally abusive ex), but i don't know why he specifically gets to me. just had to meet him at court and he knows the judge likes me so he treated me politely. he hates that i am hired on this case. fuck him. too late. the client loves me. he will have to deal. anyways, thanks for helping me to calm down. i still feel shaky, but less like i'm going to die, so that's a good thing Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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bejeweled
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Just remember zinnia - he only has as much power as you give him. Laugh at ANYTHING he says. Snicker when he says something. It is possible to shake him up. One of the funniest things I read in a long time was how to make yourself annoying at work. What it said was when you are invited to a meeting with the head honcho's, jump up right afterwards, stand at the door and thank everyone for coming as they leave. LOL LOL For some reason - that applies here only because HE think's he's hot shit. Act as if he isn't and he will be put right in his place. You definately don't have to yell. But saying "go fuck yourself." with a smile on your face - just loud enough for the two of you to hear will make his exaggerated reaction seem all the more ridiculous to everyone standing around. Didn't you have little brother's and sister's? Jeeze. This is how to get them in trouble 101. All that stuff still works you know! You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
"Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar. Stuck on a roller coster and can't get off this ride."
-Kate Perry Hot & Cold. |
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"MD junction is a place for us to share our experiences both good and bad it is a safe haven from the ignorant and the doubters a place to vent ask advice or just get away from it all.
