Bipolar Support Group

[i]

Why is it inside every bipolar or well at least me that no matter what we do, we never fully like ourselve no matter the achievements we see all our failures, no matter the love in our life, we see the ones that dont when all we want is for them to, we see scars beneath the skin even if the actual skin is flawless, what do we do to stop our thinking???? Really!?! I hate myself so much and I dont know why, i hate that Im fat and that Im not that model in the mag, i see all my scars as disgusting, misplaced hairs woman arent suppose to have and try to hide the fact i have to shave them or tweeze them. I cant stand that I am not as pretty as many, i think i m ugly, just not a dog, i ve seen worse, hell ive seen fatter but it dont make me feel better, just feel bad for them too. I am such a jealous woman, i dont even like to watch tv or to go into pubic with my man ( i do like to go out with him i just get so damn insecure and i catch mslef watching him to see hwat he is looking at-and i know he wouldnt cheat but still i do it) or some movies i'd love to watch but cant at least not with my man, and he has never done anything to make me not trust him or to put me down..never, i cant stand sex scenes, nudity or even smaller woman in slutty outfits or bathing suits like blood boiling pissy mandy-instantly. Can not handle it, like i will feel it in my skin raging to the point i will want to throw the remote if I see it on tv( i wont but i want to). Mike will look away and not look back until its over, I asked him once why does he do that, he says cuz he knows it makes me feel uncomfortable or that i dont like it so he just doesnt look. wow that has to suck for him!! I am way too observent, ask him i notice every tiny lil detail about everything all the time non stop. So when he looks away from a woman walking in a store for example immediatly instead of being aww he respects me i think oh he thinks she's attractive, cuz he looked away (poor guy cant win for losing) Bad thing is I hate myself for this but for no reason can I change this aweful behavior. ERRR!! What is wrong with me will i lve miserably like this for the rest of my life??? I have tried to lve me for m e but i lose that battle everytime, i can pretend to for a while but inside I know better, i can even fool those closet to me, just cant do it in reality....I am so fucked up!

Mandy,I hear your pain and just want to tell you stay tough because I was told somewhere that htere is gold at the end of every rainbow and with the guy you have loving you it sounds like your crossing that rainbow.

Good Luck!!

Does my Mandy need a huggy wuggy?

I don't see my scars as discusting though I wish I'd put them somewhere else on my body. I even have a favorite scar as twisted as that sounds. I'm not sure why I like it so much, but I do.

I know that I'm hard on myself because how I look I look is something I can control so I don't feel bad hating myself... I think.

Mandy - I am the same way!Im always wishing I was that model in the mag!I hate it, it consumes me sometimes. Like you, I see ALL my flaws & can never see the good things about myself..I guess we are our worse critic?It sucks, it wears me out!

Lots of positive self talk has gotten me a lil ways of not seeing ALL the bad things about me. It has been really hard & has taken alot of time & effort. But, I'm not so wore out all the time (mentally). If I catch myself talking bad I turn the words into positive. I look myself in the mirror and say them too..I'm not perfect, no one is, I have my bad days when I just can't do it. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs,

Amber

Oh I'm that way too... and i grew up with my mother telling me 'you'd be so much happier if you were thin'.

Made me feel like as long as I'm heavy I'll never be happy and I'm not worth loving. It's something that I still struggle with. Society has suck a skewed vission on what women should look like!

Women are made to think we are suppose to be boards, but now if we look way back into the first mostly nude painted pictures of women, they were all thick woman and it was sexy, i dont know what happened but damn i wish it was still that way, statistic show there are more woman over weight then ot yet we strive to be bones...wtf??? Idk all i know is i wish i could love myself for who i am but i dont. ugh!

I like myself, but I don't love myself.

That's what I always seem to think. I wish that I could see myself how my friends see me. I wish I could see my value like my friends do, or think I'm pretty like my friends do but all I see is a dumpy over weight white girl with a killer personality and a horrid figure. Blech.

agreed, same here! Maybe one day, it be nice to have that relief, its hard living when u hate urself.

I can only imagine the pressure that's on the young today. I mean it was hard enough growing up with needing to be a size 8. I mean hell, I look back and old 80s shows and look at the women's waistlines, and then look at shows now and they're a size zero.... with room to breathe.

The pressure to be thin is overpowering... and when you have to take meds for bipolar that makes you gain weight... it kind of counters the good that the pills are doing.

Exactly!