Bipolar Support Group

I posted something yesterday in the introduction page. Nobody has responded. I need help from others and nobody has reached out to me. I'm sick. I want to believe so badly that I am a normal person but I'm not. Last night I had horrible nightmares and I slept till 3:30 in the afternoon. I feel hopeless and just plain mentally ill. I need someone to talk to. I stopped taking my meds. Now I regret it. I am going to be this way for the rest of my life. I have hurt so many people close to me with my relapsing drug addiction, with my extreme psychotic episodes. When I reached "Critical Mass" or worded differently, when I had an extreme psychotic episode. My boyfriend at the time abandoned me. He stayed with me long enough to get me stable and then he just abandoned me. Which triggered everything to get worse. The psychosis started again. I tried killing myself again. It made me feel so unloved because I couldn't help the feelings and the suicide attempts. I just wanted the pain to stop. I am done trying to kill myself. Its expensive when you mess up. I just got all my hospital bills taken care of. Charcoal tastes like crap and IVs hurt and going to a crappy mental facility for a couple of days makes me feel angry but it definitley makes me not want to even think of killing myself because I'll wind up right back there. I feel like if I could just go somewhere nice that I feel cares about me instead of treating me like a crazy wild animal I would be okay. You know, one of those places like Sandra Bullock. went to in 28 days. I know life isn't like the movies but I know places exist where its more comfortable and caring about the patient. I cant afford it anyway. But I need help. And the fact that nobody has responded to me makes me think that its not just in my head that people dont care... they really dont. You're the only people that understand what I'm going through. I just feel so alone.

I know the feeling of being alone, and that the easy way out is suicide. I'm glad you realized that its not the way to go. You are not alone, and even though I haven't experience the exact things you are going through right now, I know how it feels to just be at the bottom and just keep digging. It hurts knowing the pain you have caused others from your mental illness, and why did you stop your medication? Were they helping? I know addiction is hard too. If you just need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me, you are not alone here

Hi laurney and welcome. I'm so sorry your post was missed i'm glad you posted again. You have and are going thru a lot right now...this is a very supportive group who has gone thru similiar circumstances as you but all of us are unique. I'm not sure why you're not taking your meds. Glad you've found us.

I am sorry you missed my response to you yesterday. I did respond to you. This is a place where you can get support because we do understand what bipolar is. Your reason for not wanting to check out maybe financial, but I am glad that you are making that choice.

I am very sorry about the situation with your boyfriend. I can understand that it is a major trigger for you. I wonder, too, why stopped your medications. It would probably be best to get back on them as soon as possible. It sounds like you are going up and down and the situation with your boyfriend is only making it worse for you. I encourage you to get back on them and call your pdoc right away.

I am sorry you feel no one is responding. You are not being ignored! We don't do that here. I care and so do the others here. Please keep posting and let us do our best to give you the support you need right now. If you need to talk, I am here as are the other group leaders.

You are not alone.First and foremost though you need to pledge to yourself not to screw with your medication, just like suicide attempts, that never ends good.

I am new here to, but I have been a member of other online support groups and I know it helps. Be patient though, but I also admire your willingness to be assertive in asking for help...sometimes thats what we need to do.

If possible see your pdoc, since yo are off your meds this is an ideal time to review your current medications for effectiveness.

I wish you the best.

I'm sorry if i didn't respond to your introduction, i assure it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that i don't check that page! I'm sorry your suffering so much. You do sound like you've got more on your plate than you can cope with. Quitting your meds certainly doesnt help. But please its not the end of the world. You have to look at it as things can only get better. Bipolar is based on episodes, which luckily means it doesn't last forever. Life will not be this unmanageable all the time. Theres still the real you in there, in tact, underneath all of the smoke on top. You need to try and be proactive about this process and get to a pdoc and get started back on meds again. Although its not a quick fix by any means, it will be a faster road to your recovery then waiting it out on your own. This forum is great and you can find some real genuine support here, i know i have.. so dont be discouraged. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

I'm so sorry u feel alone-I didn't see your post & am glad you posted again! I am a recovering addict & bipolar & I know it's a bitch to be both. I am glad that you have realized that suicide is not an option anymore. I know it seems like the pain will never end but it will. I've been hosp. in dual diagnosis units more times than I can count but ALWAYS felt better when I got out. I've been through 3 rehabs(they are not that bad) What I have learned is addiction made my bipolar so much worse. I don't know your financial situation(you said u went to a crappy place that treated u like a wild aminal) or where u live & your options but I would definatly research your options & maybe consider going inpatient for a while & then on to rehab. For me, that has been the fastest way for me to feel better. In the meantime, keep posting here-people here do care & can support u while u are going through this difficult time. Please don't give up & lose hope-you can always PM me if u need to. I don't know it all but I have been through both addiction & bipolar.

It sounds as if your med cocktail was not very effective to begin with or you could not tolerate the side effects, one of the two. Since you are off of your meds, it would be a good time for your pdoc to re-evaluate your meds. Maybe there are different meds that will work more effectively. But, you really need to see your pdoc ASAP, to help get you back on the right track. And try not to self medicate, as that is less than helpful.