Bipolar Support Group

I have not been on here in a long time because I thought things were ok.....however.....My son's father lives with me.....he has, in the last 5 years....lied, used all kinds of drugs, has ups and downs in moods.....I thought he had stopped and was making progress. However, in October he came home messed up and tried strangling me and I did Finally after years of this , called the cops....he did go to jail and proved he was getting help, so of course stupid me thinking I could help, let him back, in January, he had a stroke at 39 years old, due to his drug use, when he got out of the hospital, he seemed to be much calmer and understood what he has done to himself.....over the last few weeks, he has blown his paychecks on drugs and has lied numerous times and then gets angry at me and calls me names because I find out about the lies.......I am stuck, I want to help but I am so tired of crying.....

sb- It seems you have been through enough. I am sorry about what I would classify as rages. I think it is admirable that you want to help but you need to think of yourself first. I think until he gets the help he needs that maybe you should take a step back and re-evaluate your situation. Perhaps having him there is toxic to you. You need to do what is best for you. I know you care, but again, a toxic relationship is what it sounds like to me.

I agree, and I am very soft hearted and care deeply for the man he used to be, and now I am stuck, because if I tell him to go.....he literally has no where to go!!!! and consistently sits and tells me how horrible I am to kick him out with nothing.....and how horrible of a person I am until I finally give in, because I don't want him to think I don't care....but I also don't want him to be there either.....how do I get past this.

Maybe you should contact a social worker through family services or somewhere and see what type of community services there are to take care of him. You need to save yourself and you have every right to have your life back. I am sorry that this will continue to be hard for you. You can get your life back though.

You know the speech you get when you fly about how in the event the cabin looses cabin preasure you need to put the mask on yourself before you put it on your kids? Thats really good advice I think, but it isn't always so easy to follow.

We want to help people, sometimes the unhelpable. But you have to putthe mask on yourself before you can help him.

What your doing isn't working and I suspect you already know what you have to do...so...do it.

Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom for them to change. Maybe a little tough love is in order. I know you want to help but you can't help a person who doesn't want help. As long as he has you to fall back on , it's likely he will not change. Do what is best for you. You say you care deeply for the man he used to be but he is no longer that man. It's not that he is a bad person but a sick person due to drug use. I was addicted to pain pills for years & didn't get clean until my dad turned his back on me & my mother passed away & I had no where to turn. We addicts are very good at munipulation & making loved ones feel guilty in order to continue using. Chances are if he has no where else to turn, he will get the help he needs. Regardless, you need to take care of yourself!!

Thanks everyone....I feel so lost, and I know that I can take care of myself and kids without him as I have done it before....therefore, I am not really sure why I have him there, because it seems to make my life miserable.....I guess you are all right...I know what I need to do and just seem to have to build the strength up to do it and stick by it......sticking with my decisions seem to be a problem......but I need to remember that if I care, then I will follow through.....

Do ultimatums work with a bipolar addict? I have given him the ultimatum of leaving or going to a bipolar support group and rehab or NA or AA of some sort and he has agreed....

SO let me say that as I was typing the above he walked in and asked what website I was on...I told him and started to explain what it was and he just turned around and walked away....I get angry because he has never really cared about what I do and turns everything around to me......now because I write on here, he tells me that I have more secrets than he does......Does he do that to make me feel bad....again I am crying for what??? UGH!!! I AM SO ANGRY WITH HIM....doesn't he see what he does???????

It seems like he doesn't care what he does as long as he gets what he wants. You can't make him get help. If he won't get help because his child deserves a better father then I don't really know if anything will inspire him to get help. Especially since he has had a stroke already. It sucks but it looks like you are just going to have to let him go.