|
I've had a horrible history as far as relationships go and some I realize were my fault but it still has fed into my fears and trust issues. I've met a new guy I really like and stayed with him last night for the first time. I have such a hard time with insomnia and normal can't sleep at all with another person there (even when I tried sharing a room with my mom on vacation). I feel too vulnerable and so I feel that my willingness to stay with him and sleep there says a lot about how I'm able to trust him. My problem was as I was trying for sleep paranoia started taking over. I couldn't help telling myself not to get attached because I'll be hurt again or asking why he would be so interested in me or if he's using me. I guess my question is has someone found a way to better cope with these feelings. I've learned enough to realize if I think bad things will happen I'll some how make them happen and I've gotten by so far rationalizing. If he was using me I wouldn't wake up to him smiling and telling me I have a twitchy bunny nose or when I'd wake up in the night to him holding my hand. I feel so happy and safe with him and how I feel like myself and don't worry about the things my mom tells me like I need to lose weight if I'm going to be with such a good looking guy. He makes me feel good about myself and strong so I don't want to drive him away or take off running. So what can I do to help this? Should I consider meds again? Smee: I've just had an apostrophe.
Captain Hook: I think you mean an epiphany.
Smee: No... lightning has just struck my brain.
Captain Hook: Well, that must hurt.
"Hello in there Cliff. What color does the sky happen to be in your little world?" |
