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07/06/2008 04:24 PM

why does family hurt you the worst!!!!!!!

BrokenAngel

why

why

why

why

why!!!!

its been the worst weekened ever!!!!!!!!

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07/06/2008 04:29 PM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Can you explain WHY this one has been the worst? What events led to your decision that it was the worst?

07/06/2008 04:31 PM
BrokenAngel

Because my family, made me feel lower than shit, and I found out some things about my mum, that i wish i never knew, things about my father too, that made me lose all my love for him!!!

07/06/2008 04:48 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Angel, the only way something can make you feel lower than shit is if YOU let it. If you found out things about your mom, understand that mothers are HUMAN. They are not saints or perfect people. Mothers have faults like everyone else. Same thing with your father.

Angel...who you are and what you can become should not be defined by who your parents are...you are your own person. You just finished high school and have a talent for writing. Concentrate on your future and don't look at the past of yourself or your parents. Unless, it is to learn and grow from it.


07/06/2008 04:50 PM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Angel. can you share any details, so that we can see if you are over-reacting? Perhaps the BP has made your responses inappropriate.

07/06/2008 05:33 PM
BrokenAngel

well this weekend has SUCKED i wish i never went over to my fkin grandfathers! he has treated me like hell since my mother died, and even worse since my grandmother died!!!! i wish i didnt go, i never new family, could hurt you as bad as my family, my fathers side of the family could hurt me this way! i swear, i feel lower than shit right now, they walked all over me, they made me feel worse about myself, worse than anyone or anything.even when all the shit went down on DS and when david cut me out of his life, i didnt feel as bad as i do now! im hurt beyond words, i feel like a wothless piece of shit, i learned things about my mum that i didnt want to know, and i realized that i was never loved, by my fahter, my fahter step father, (My grandfather) made me realized that this weekend, i am hurt now, but im not talkin to much of anyone, im so hurt, so scared, im not even wanting to talk to david, even if he was going to contact me, i would have no intrest with him at all. im hurting, i feel like curling up in a ball and crying, and or dyin! it is just all hurting me right now!!!! im so hurt, so lost, so scared. i miss the feeling i had before i left. i felt great, but now im not feeling that way at all! im far from feeling good. im not even talking to my ds mum right now, part of me wants to turn my phone off, but i wont do that. im scareed to open up, im scared to talk, im scared to get close.

there is more, but im need some time, i be back later.


07/06/2008 05:43 PM
Mizuiro
Mizuiro  
Posts: 726
Member

I've learned somethings about my parents over the last couple years that at the time made me hurt and made me hate myself so much but now I'm glad to know. I had known my dad was in prison when I was a toddler and that he'd been an alcoholic but I didn't know why until a few years ago my mom told me he had raped her and she called the cops on him. She still stayed with him and three years ago he left her. My mom had also told me I was the reason she'd stayed with him. She had it planned and was going to leave until she found out she was four months pregnant with me. I blamed myself for what he did to her, that if I hadn't been born she wouldn't have been with him. I still love my dad though and it's hard but my mom taught me to forgive and that things will keep hurting you as long as you let them.

Not everyone is like you father or like anyone else who has hurt you. There are people who love and care about you.


07/06/2008 06:08 PM
otterlover1234
Posts: 110
Member

I was just reading your posts about family. It's SO familier. That's all I can say. I have no insight. I still grapple with the whole family thing and have no idea what to do. My mom is bipolar, to the highest level. My dad is a ghost, who just zones out when things get crazy. My husband is the one solid person who has stayed in my life for 26 years. We had dinner with friends last night. They are closer to being my family than any family I have. But I still wish I could have blood family that's supportive and anywhere near normal.

I guess I do have one point. My husband loves me, but he's not perfect. I am slowly learning that I have ME. I guess that sounds silly. But my mom makes these comments like "I'm so sorry you are working so hard you can't take time to do your hair." I realized a while ago that I have no self esteem. I'm working on it and growing. I can take care of myself, I can be company to myself. Others are in my life and may come and go, or be cranky and not predictable. But I can comfort myself. I can do small things that make me happy. I struggle more with work than relationships, but I can do things at work that make my day pleasant, whether anyone else is having a good time or not.

I hope your relationship works out. But more I hope you find a good relationship with yourself. I'm pretty sure it's a lifetime pursuit. I was just watching Charlotte's Web on tv, the cartoon one. Charlotte says "we are born, we live a little and we die." I don't remember the whole quote but it's about having a good life and helping others and being nice to yourself. I'm learning.

Good luck to you.

Otter


07/06/2008 07:34 PM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Angel, I know you feel like hell. I want to know why!!!!!!!!????????? Give me one thing the worst thing they did. IN DETAIL!!!! You have rewritten that you feel like shit for weeks now...let's get to the reason why!!

07/06/2008 07:35 PM
BrokenAngel

doubt anyone will even read this, even though those who know me, know that i am hidding how i really feel! I am hurting beyond words, and I dont think anyone even notice right now!!!! well this weekend has SUCKED i wish i never went over to my fkin grandfathers! he has treated me like hell since my mother died, and even worse since my grandmother died!!!! i wish i didnt go, i never new family, could hurt you as bad as my family, my fathers side of the family could hurt me this way! i swear, i feel lower than shit right now, they walked all over me, they made me feel worse about myself, worse than anyone or anything.even when all the shit went down on DS and when david cut me out of his life, i didnt feel as bad as i do now! im hurt beyond words, i feel like a wothless piece of shit, i learned things about my mum that i didnt want to know, and i realized that i was never loved, by my fahter, my fahter step father, (My grandfather) made me realized that this weekend, i am hurt now, but im not talkin to much of anyone, im so hurt, so scared, im not even wanting to talk to david, even if he was going to contact me, i would have no intrest with him at all. im hurting, i feel like curling up in a ball and crying, and or dyin! it is just all hurting me right now!!!! im so hurt, so lost, so scared. i miss the feeling i had before i left. i felt great, but now im not feeling that way at all! im far from feeling good. im not even talking to my ds mum right now, part of me wants to turn my phone off, but i wont do that. im scareed to open up, im scared to talk, im scared to get close. it was a three hour ride home, and i cried the whole fking way till i fell asleep. i was thinking about my mum, and dad, and the tears would not stop coming down my face! i was hurting than, and im not doing much better now, while i have stopped crying, i have hardly answered my phone, im trying to be supportive, and help others on here, but it is sooo hard to do, when you are hurting like this. i have even called that fking suicide hotline, but tensed up. and hung up, before i could even say two words! i dont want them trace my call either, ugh i hate this so much. im hurting, and i know a lot of my friends of hurting, and im trying to be there for all of u, but it is too hard for me to do right now. im scared, im hurt, i am feeling so much pain, and it doesnt seem to matter right now. i dont even care about much anymore! im not poisting how im feeling on the board, because i know no one will believe me, im hurting, OKAY, I AM HURTING~!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do u see it now, can u feel my pain in this journal, no you cant! no one has the slightest idea of what exactly is on my mind, and what i am thinking, and feeling right now! i got close to someone, and he hurt me so bad, and i didnt do a damn thing wrong! i wrote someing in MY journal! i miss him so much, than again i dont, because i can go back to hidding from everyone, and it wont matter! he wont get hurt this way. i rather i hurt, than him. he is too great to hurt! i do Love him, but oh well. what the fk does it matter how i feel anymore. im scared, im hurt, omg im scared! there is so much going on in my mind, my heart, it all hurts! fkin A! im alone, im hurting, and it doesnt matter! im sure this will go unread, and if anyone does read it i will be suprised if anyoen ask if i am ok. i have the bright green up, but no one really knows how i feel. im scared! im sorry for rambling!

there that is all i can do tonight, im too drained!

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