Bipolar Support Group

My fiance and I have had a really bad month. He was diagnosed with bipolar when he was really young, but stopped taking his medication when he was 18, 4 years ago. For a while he was doing pretty well handling everything without the meds. But over the past year things have been getting progressively worse. One of the worst parts for me is that when he starts to go into a depression, he'll avoid me, so I usually don't see what's going on until it's gotten really bad. This week was one of those times. We've been going through a really tough spot financially, so when he started to spend less and less time at home last week, I accepted his explanation that he was "trying to find some money" aka sell some of his tools, find a side job, ect. But then we got into a big fight Wednesday night, and I started to see that it was something else. I noticed that my gun was missing from the gun rack, and asked him about it, and he broke down. Told me that a few days ago while I was at work, he had almost tried to kill himself, but something stopped him, so he had his dad come pick up the gun. That's when I told him that either he was going to get himself some help, period. Thankfully, he agreed with me, so we went to the hospital and got him admitted into the inpatient voluntary ward. He's been doing pretty well, and he's supposed to be seeing a doctor today about getting back on some form of medication. Yea, right? The only problem is that by the time he gets out, he might not have a home to come back to. I have to come up with $700 by tomorrow or we loose our apartment, and we have nowhere else to go. And since he's missed 3 days of work, the fired him. Doesn't matter that he's in the hospital, all that matters to them is that he's not working their 12 hour shifts. And because I don't want to stress him out more, I've been trying not to bother him about all this while he's trying to get better, and my best friend is in Spain, and my mom doesn't give two craps about me, and I needed to talk to somebody. Plus I'm worried about what this medication is going to do to him, because I've never seen him on it, and he's told me flat out that after a month or so he's probably going to try to stop taking it, so I'll need to be his "rock", which I don't know how to do. I haven't slept in two days, I have to be at work in 5 hours, and I'm seriously considering asking my boss to loan me rent money, and he doesn't even know that my fiance is in the hospital. Because my FI asked me not to tell anyone because he doesn't want them looking down on him or something. Gah! I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm sorry, but I needed someone to rant to...

Hey, it does sound like a terrible week. It's good that your FI is getting help and going back on meds, though. Maybe, he will try to stay on them. It will take a little while for them to work.

That sucks about the rent. Is there anyway your landlord would give you an extension, with the circumstances? I'm here if you need to talk, vent.

Hugs,

Tee

Tee, thanks for the quick response.

I'm really glad he's getting the help, too. I just hope it works out ok. The last time he tried to get help, the Colman Center (That's the local mental health center) sent him to see an intern who was 110% against medication, and convinced he just needed to talk to someone. Never mind that stack of medical records that she had that stated he'd been diagnosed with bipolar at age 12, medicated until age 18, and admitted to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital 3 times as a juvenile. Grrrr... Honestly, she just made things worse for him, by basically telling him that he just needed to "deal with it" when we both knew that his handle on the situation was slipping no matter how hard he tried to hold on.

Next. On a normal basis, I'd say that my landlord would be lenient with the rent. Unfortunately, there are three factors working against us right now. Firstly, my landlord is going through a really hard time right now, because of his wife and some medical issues, and has been taking out his frustration on all of his tenants. Secondly, we had a little accident in our apartment about two weeks ago with one of our rabbits chewing a hole in a water line. Apparently it was small enough that we didn't notice it dripping, but the water ran down the pipe and caused some water damage to the ceiling in the apartment below us. And lastly, we were a week late on last month's rent due to a stupid bank error. That's never happened before, but you throw all that in one month's time and I'm surprised he hasn't already given us the boot. After the water incident, he told us that we better have his rent on the first or we were out a there. Oh, did I mention that the only reason we don't have it is because my stupid job cut my hours at the beginning of the month from 40 a week to 10 a week? Now I don't even make half of out rent every month... Again with the thanks for letting me vent.

Hey jfinner, Maybe the answer if for him to go live with his folks until he is stable. It will take a while for the meds to start to work and he is able to work and earn money to pay the rent. And he needs a roof over his head while that is going on. The stress of trying to provide for both of you may be too much for him right now.

As for your situation on the rent you might want to see if your boss will front you the money. If not then maybe a cheaper place is the answer...although, it costs money to move. I don't know. But, it sounds like your fiancee is not able right now to contribute to the household and that is going to be a hurdle to overcome.

We are here for you. Keep posting.

Norma, honestly, if we loose this place, neither of us has any place to go. Neither his family or mine will allow either of us to move in with them, separate or together. His mother kicked him out at 18, and told him that he was never allowed to move back. Mine did the same at 17. His father, although he's a really great guy, is an alcoholic, and won't allow any of his kids to even stay the night, regardless of the reason. The rest of his family are drunks and druggies, living off the government, and the rest of my family is spread all over the U.S. I wish every day that we had a better support system in our families, but I don't think it will ever happen. Sorry, I feel like I'm whining now. Well, off to work with me. Cross your fingers for me, I'm gonna go talk to my boss.

jfinner: "and he's told me flat out that after a month or so he's probably going to try to stop taking it, so I'll need to be his "rock", which I don't know how to do." You can't be his 'rock' if he's in denial about his condition and won't take his meds. Don't even try...

If this happens, cut your losses and walk away. You can't help him until he wants to help himself.

well warhorrse their are two ways to look at that situation one he admitted he was not a good med taker and im sorry thats a 50/50 in all bipolar cases half will take them and half need asked if they took them when you choose the bipolar ride as someone who is not bipolar then you are a rock to that person goin through it right along with them he did what was right he got help and he is asking her to continue the help and if she loves him which it sounds like she does then she will help the best she can ..you cant always just trow in the towel and walk away these people need support and love as well now if he was beating her refused to get help i would agree completely to walk...she stood up for herself the min. she said get help and he stood up for himself the min. he said ok... be blessed warhorse and i do agree that someone has to want help but in this case he does..dragonfly :~

But he's gotta want it enough to do the right thing. I'm trying to let her know that she may be in for a rough ride...

oh trust me i agree about the ruff ride and ya she should be warned i just think for now at least he wants it so thats a blessing but i also understand what you are saying just dont want her to get in run mode just yet ya know?

I hear ya. Guess I'm a bit cranky today.