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01/08/2010 11:22 AM

Just had fight with husband...Why

MJRFOREVER09
MJRFOREVER09  
Posts: 42
Member

Well another day that I am not in control. Will I ever be again? I guess I will have to suck it up and go to clinic on Monday (god thats a long way away. But shouldn't my husband have to understand that in order for me to get better he has to stop being so mean and needs to be a little more understanding. I had no right earlier though. I just punched him over and over cause I couldn't control my rage and its not at him but I can't hurt myself so he got it.

Is this normal? I am in the midst of losing everything I fought so hard to get. I mean I went to college to provide a good life for my kids and now I can't even get a job because everyone in my field knows there is something wrong with me. I work with individuals with mental illness and see how hard their lives are to be excepted in society and now I am having the same problem.

Why do I feel like everyone hates me. Acceptance is love to me but why? I should be able to feel love without it right? Or is this reasoning because of molestation from a loved one early in childhood?

Any answers would be appreciated so I can actually wash dishes without going into panic mode.

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01/08/2010 11:55 AM
ExyLexy
ExyLexy  
Posts: 1546
Senior Member

I know what your talking about and it is very difficult to control your emotions and I have had my moments of beating the hell out of someone because I let it the rage build up inside. Its not a good thing though and we will have to control this because me and you both know it is not right or fair to the other person.

Acceptance is a want and most yearn for it, but it does not matter and yes you can love without it.

I am not sure if this helps I hope it does and you will become stable have faith in both of us because we can overcome this.


01/08/2010 11:59 AM
cherokeef34
cherokeef34  
Posts: 755
Senior Member

i know sometimes i feel like just beating the crap out of something to.

01/08/2010 12:07 PM
MJRFOREVER09
MJRFOREVER09  
Posts: 42
Member

Its kinda sick because I feel such a relief when I hit. I beat the shit out of this 23 yr old girl three months ago, she was so much smaller than me and would not even fight me back (her brother stole my thyroid meds and she trying to take up for him). They had to peel m off of her but i felt so awesome afterwards. That is so sick...

Am i demented? I love people but lately I hate people. My husband I love him so much but he annoys me to no end. He has a smart mouth and well i end up hitting him. Today he pushed me off and i hurt my arm, I deserved it, now i am looking at my arm an feeling so guilty.


01/08/2010 12:12 PM
DJD
Posts: 35
Member

MJRFOREVER09

I am sorry that happened, my wife has bp too and I can relate to your husband. I can only advise you of what I would want to hear after my wife's episodes. I want to hear that she is aware if what I go through during her episodes and how hard it is for me to deal with this, I would want her to be apologetic and then it should be ended & not brought up again.

I hope this helps


01/08/2010 12:24 PM
MJRFOREVER09
MJRFOREVER09  
Posts: 42
Member

Thanks. I think he needs to get on the support forum so maybe he could see that many people who support their spouses with BP have hurdles to jump, but together we will do it.

01/08/2010 12:27 PM
beentheredonethat
Posts: 223
Member

Frankly, you are lucky you did not end up with a felony assault and battery charge against you. Bipolar is one thing, but hurting other people should be completely unacceptable in all our books. I have done it in the past, but I worked very hard not to hurt others either verbally or physically. You got to find the right medications before you hurt someone and end up in jail. It is a bit of backward/out there thinking that you feel great satisfaction in hurting other people. You should feel deep sadness, regret, humiliation, guilt. Those are the more appropriate emotions. Just because you have bipolar doesn't give you a license to hurt others. I've paid a big price for doing what you have done. I've spent time in jail and got a serious misdemeanor charge on my record. I also have a domestic disorderly conduct that I they never took me to court over, but it is on my record. You are very lucky, as are anyone else who physically and emotionally abuses others.

You really need to get on some serious medications so you are able to control yourself.

Post edited by: beentheredonethat, at: 01/08/2010 12:28 PM


01/08/2010 01:05 PM
txbiker63
txbiker63  
Posts: 635
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

I think it would help if your husband was more understanding. I know I can push my wife's buttons, but I don't cause nothing positive comes of it. Of course we haven't had any issues that involve getting physical either. People who don't have BP really need to learn about the disorder. So many don't and only make things worse due to their lack of knowledge and that leads to more serious problems and habits later in their relationships with their loved ones with BP.

01/08/2010 02:17 PM
DJD
Posts: 35
Member

txbiker63

Being a husband of a wife with BP, I hear your sort of comment a lot.

We have to be more understanding & tip toe around our lives so that we don't trigger the BP person?

Meanwhile the BP persons actions completely devastate our lives and they are not accountable because its a disorder? I am not buying it. I am not BP but I am a recovering addict (12 years) & I know a thing or two about taking responsibility for my actions. I hope I am not coming off mean because I am not trying to be, I just cant believe that having this disorder completely resolves all responsibility from the sufferer


01/08/2010 06:02 PM
Lrose35
Lrose35  
Posts: 1732
Senior Member

I dont think that anyone was trying to say that being Bipolar absolves the responsibility. And getting physical is not right either. To those that have, sometimes it is just a trigger that got pushed. I know that at times I have wanted to lash out but have stopped myself short. I also dont think you need to tip toe around your life. But you should be aware that people with BP may need more support than other "normal" spouses. The best thing you can do is learn the most about the disorder as possible and try to avoid situations where this becomes an issue.
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