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06/25/2008 02:26 PM

Will my BiPolar ex-girlfriend ever come back to me

blueeyedboy
 
Posts: 8
Member

Hi everyone!

I need some advice real bad since I feel so alone right now. And thanks in advance for anyone taking the time to read and/or respond to this.

Background: (I know the history of a relationship can be TMI so here's the basics) I am 38 and my GF is 22. We met when she was 20, and we remained "just friends" for 1 1/2 yrs. During this time she begged me to be her boyfriend, but I always resisted because of the age differance, and I knew she had BP and had never had an "adult" relationship before. She was also quite "loose", meaning she would always have half a dozen sex partners around tho she insisted they were just "buddies". But she's beautiful (a nude model) and I was single AND I truly loved her so I gave in. The first three-four months were great. But then this happened:

She was never really "stable" in her living situation since I knew her, always bouncing from friend-to-friend, basically homeless. I think this is why she wanted to be my GF so bad, to have stability. I think she wanted me as a roommate more than anything. She had to move out of her apt, and I wanted to move into NYC (I was living in NJ), so the timing seemed right. She was going to college and had given up modeling, saying it wasn't her thing anymore.

So we moved in together. i only moved into the place we did because it was close to her school. Anyway, the first 2 months were okay but she never really seemed "into" school or the apt. She had agreed to try monogamy since that was important to me. Then the last two months all heck broke loose; she stopped going to college, saying how her classes were overwhelming her. She stopped seeing her friends. Basically, she sank into a deep depression, never left the apt, etc. She rarely showered, we never had sex, we began fighting.

I work from home so having her around, day after day, was driving me nuts. Plus the company that I worked for went bankrupt and stopped paying me - no income for almost two months! i was stressed and looked to my GF for relief, which she couldn't provide. This made me angry - I coulnd't understand why she didn't even want to leave the apt to go see a movie or just give me a hug when I needed one! Anyway, I would go to my mom's home in NJ to help her out with family things about once a week and even then she wouldn't leave the apt! But she's a very self-aware person and understood she was Depressed, and asked me to help her find treatment. I tracked down a reputable therapist and we set up an appointment.

Finally, I was planning on house-sitting in NJ for a week and she was supposed to come out with me, but I left a day early to prepare the accomodations for us. it was then that she called and told me she was breaking up with me!

She packed her bags and left - but not before I ran back to Brooklyn and begged her not to go. But she just sat there, all angry, and left anyway. We didn't talk for a week tho I called her a hundred times. Then, she picked up the phone and we spoke for almost two hours. i kept insisting she should get treatment, that she needed help, and that I loved her. But all I heard was resistance. She did say she was considering coming back to the apartment but said she couldn't "be in a relationship" right now. i told her coming back, strictly as my roommate, while she dated other guys would never work because I was still so in love with her. She got upset and hung up. I tried calling her for the next two weeks but she never answered until finally she picked up and just yelled 'Stop calling me!' and hung up again.

Of course I am worried sick for her - what is she doing with her day? is she going back to modeling, something she doesn't really enjoy, just to make money? AND it turns out she ran to one of her "buddies", a sex friend, and is staying with him this whole time!

We were Best Friends, spoke every day, even before we became BF/GF. And we were each other's entire worlds. Now I feel like an idiot, left holding the bag with an apartment I don't want to live in, in a neighborhood I don't want to live in, that I can't afford on my own (yes, she skipped before paying June's rent). But I still love her, miss her terribly, think about her every day, and want her to come home. But I fear she's in the middle of a Manic episode and simply will not, or cannot, remember how much we loved each other, and how what she's doing is so destructive (to herself and to me).

So: Is there anything I can do to "get her back"? I've tried emailing, texting, etc but I never get a response. And to think she's out there, basically homeless again, taking a giant step backwards into modeling, screwing around, etc just kills me. What can I do?

Thanks again for listening. I have no experience with BP, Depression, or anything like that, and I've been beating myself up for the past 3 weeks since this all happened, thinking I should've never yelled at her, or done this or that. I feel totally alone and I don't know what to do.

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06/25/2008 03:07 PM
nkrypto
nkrypto  
Posts: 88
Member

wow...lemme think about that one...

06/25/2008 03:25 PM
armymom8486
armymom8486  
Posts: 1643
Senior Member

blueeyedboy-If you what advise on how to get her back you are probably not going to get it here.

Obviously she is having a really hard time at the moment. My suggestion is to do what she is asking and leave her alone. I have a feeling if she really wants to talk to you she will call.

I know that sounds kinda harsh, but it is all truth.

I am sorry you are in the pickle you are in, but I have no doubt that you are an intellegent man and you will be ok.

One thing I will say quickly is you almost lost me on the first paragraph.

I wish all the best to you I really do...Please for your own sake let her be....


06/25/2008 03:34 PM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Blue, I am reading between the lines here that you are one bitter fellow. I see you blaming a disorder for your own short sightedness. This girl did nothing to you that you didn't allow. I can tell she was no angel, but nothing is one sided and perhaps you can learn a valuable lesson from the whole thing. Bipolar disease is becoming more and more prominent in our society as the symptoms are becoming clear to the Psychiatric profession. Please read the posts in this forum and learn all you can about it. We have members that are bipolar and those who have bipolar loved ones. Bipolar or not, there are just people that are, "users", in our society. Please don't blame our disease for rudeness and low moral standards.

Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 06/25/2008 15:35


06/25/2008 03:57 PM
armymom8486
armymom8486  
Posts: 1643
Senior Member

Thank you glory! You are one speicial lady.Tongue Cheerful Grin Kissing I wish they made more like you. Jeanne

06/25/2008 04:03 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
Member

Hey blue and welcome. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see where you posted whether she was on meds or not. If she's an unmedicated BP then I'll say what I've said to many others joining this site for exactly the same reasons, you better get a kevlar vest cuz you're gonna be a target and you better buckle up cuz you're in for one hell of a ride. I guess my thot is that it's not your responsibility to save her and you really probably don't want that role of enabler and caretaker. At your age and able to make choices because you are not BP, you probably want a balanced partner and this scenario is way off the scale. You ask how can you get her back? If she is unmedicated, be willing to excuse her promiscuity (and that's probably not related to BP), be prepared to be loved one minute and hated the next, be prepard for spending sprees and credit card maxxing out, put 911 on your cell phone speed dial, have good insurance for psychiatrists and marriage counselors (if you're contemplating that), be willing to be embaressed in front of your family and friends, be prepared for numerous job changes on her part, if you ever have children expect some unique coping challenges there, be prepared for bouts of unbridled anger, et al. If you love her that much, then do as suggested above, read this forum very carefully so you are educated on what you're signing up for. BP varies from person to person so only you can assess what her extremes are and with no change on the horizon, are you capable and willing to live with it? Best wishes on whatever decision you make and we're here.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/25/2008 16:21


06/25/2008 04:08 PM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Bravo! Good advise Blue!

06/25/2008 04:34 PM
KrissyH
KrissyH  
Posts: 2769
Senior Member

( I assume) Glory meant LOBO and I totally agree!!!!

06/25/2008 04:39 PM
armymom8486
armymom8486  
Posts: 1643
Senior Member

Lobo-I think you hit the nail on the head. Awesome!

06/25/2008 04:49 PM
KrissyH
KrissyH  
Posts: 2769
Senior Member

Can I ask y'all why everyone lately thinks screwin around has something to do with BPD???? I wish I woulda known that a few years back when I actually enjoyed sex...I coulda had a BLAST!!!!!
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