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momof2rugrats
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I'm really needing someone to talk to right now. I feel really strange. I am asked the question 'Are your medications working'? I feel that they are working, but I just feel like I am being ran ragged. I am totally exhausted. I guess I am about 2 hours short of getting my 8 hours of sleep. I wake up and I just feel like my body is twisted up in knots. I have been to the chiropractor twice. Trying to get myself back in order from vacation & roller coasters. He said that I am still feeling the aftermath of the coasters. I am having bad headaches, my neck hurts, my back hurts. Its awful. But, who knows when we will EVER go back to Disney World, I HAD to ride those rides LOL.. Bottom line, I just feel totally exhaused. We went camping this past weekend. This upcoming weekend. I hope is relaxing. My husband is taking me on a getaway just the 2 of us for my birthday. I hope I can just relax and recoop. I have been going thru a bottle of laundry soap in 4 days trying to get laundry caught up for the next trip. And that is the only thing I feel like I get done. I know the house will be here tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. But, WOW, those tomorrows are really starting to add up in a big mess HAHAHA! I seen my father yesterday driving down the road. I am working on getting him outta my head & my life. He is outta my life..Pretty much outta my head, until I see him. Then, I just get totally pissed and outraged. I wanted to flip him off and bash into his car. I hate him so bad. Maybe I don't hate him so bad. Maybe I love him, and want him to love me back. Maybe I wish he wanted to be a part of our lives? Oh well, he doesn't soooo, that's that. Me being bipolar is bad enough, my daughter being bipolar is way overwhelming to deal with..I mean its life and I deal with it. But wow, it makes me wanna cry everyday..I feel very depressed today..I will be different tomorrow. I am dealing with some stuff that is difficult for me today. Anyway, I just don't know how life got so busy and overwhelming. Ok, I guess that was a jumbled mess to read..Thanks for listening. Amber My name is Amber, Im 30 years old..Married for almost 12 years to my wonderful husband (together for 14). We have 2 children boy/girl. I have recently been diagnosed having Bipolar II.
Im glad to have found this website..I have lots of supportive people in my family. There is nothing else like having people to come to that truely understand, exactly what you are going thru or feeling! |
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bejeweled
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Poor Amber!!! I wish I could come over there and do the laundry. I don't mind laundry, but I don't like mopping floors so you'd be on your own. It doesn't sound like anything is really THAT bad. LOL! Easy for me to say. But if the meds are working you won't be swinging. Just kind of steady. Does that make sense? Your feelings should go with the events. If your having a bad day, you'll feel shitty, not like murdering people. If your having a good day, you're happy - it doesn't make you want to have sex with the neighbor. My g/f is struggling with the same thing. How does she know if the medication is working? She's always been this way. She is looking for a sign. We went to that psychiatric nurse practioner today and she took her off her meds and put her on a new one. Not a good move. I just got off the phone with an actual Pyschiatrist who we see on Monday. he believes with the right medication she can stabilize within a couple of WEEKS. It has already been a couple of months with these people.... We are switching over. My g/f is willing to do whatever it takes. But these people are messing with the chemicals in her BRAIN!! It is going to be expensive to see him. He doesn't take insurance, but he is the director of our local hospital's psychiatric center. He has to have dealt with this once or twice. lol You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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lobo
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Hey Amber. It's a falacy that mom's get a vacation if the family is around. When families go on vacation it's mom that is still working and taking care of everything. Even though you went to Disney, it was no vacation. When you go off with hubby by yourselves, who does the work around the hotel room, who picks up stuff, who runs downstairs to the front dest to get a razor, who gets up and turns the light off, who has command of the TV remote, who scratches whose back, who adjusts the air conditioning, who walks down to the snack machine, etc, etc??? I'm not a betting man, but I would gamble that you're doing stuff around the house right now that's way more than 8 hours a day...not fair. I don't know about your marriage and you don't need to respond to any of this, but mom's and wives typically get a raw deal unless they get away by themselves. It's your birthday and the only thing you should be doing is saying, "Scratch a little higher honey". At some point if I were a mom I would feel used and dig my heels in...that's why God made me a man lol. BTW, growing up in a camping family, camping trips can be the most demanding and brutal vacations for mom's...much worse than hotelling it. In a hotel you don't have to cook or do dishes, worry about bug spray, tablecloths, the cooler, keeping the tent clean, etc and on a camping trip you can spend half your time on just those things while others are sitting around saying relax and enjoy yourself lolol. No wonder you're exhausted...I'm surprised you're not psychotic lol. Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/24/2008 18:42 "A man is not defeated when he loses, he is defeated when he quits" Richard M. Nixon
"If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on earth" Abraham Lincoln
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momof2rugrats
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Thanks you 2 for responding!LOL, I don't feel psychotic, just exhausted..It would be so awesome to have a friend close by that would wanna come over & help me out! I told a friend that I feel like I'm almost drowning. I feel like the only thing sticking out of the water is my nose. I woke up today, HOPING & looking at today differently AND ITS ONLY 8:45am ARGH. I don't think it's going to change. I think if I could just get this house clean I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. I am going to enjoy my getaway. We are staying in a cabin that overlooks the lake. There is a BBQ, Hammock, a big huge bath tub. I get to go SHOPPING. I have been dying to go shopping! I have been dealing with some stuff that has depressed me in a bad way. My brother in law is getting back into some bad stuff. He has been clean for quite awhile and doing really well. He started drinking heavily to substitute for other things?Then old friends started hanging around. He started buying pills from people. I noticed that he was trying to get medication from me. I was like UH NO????I don't no why he would be like that, I have NEVER given him ANYTHING?So, me having common sense, I realized he had started something back up. We found out that he had done meth with a friend. His gf wondered why he had so much energy on the weekend. And he has gotten a little snappier. I no what he acts like when he just drinks. We went camping and his gf called us left a voicemail telling us he beat her up. She had the baby in her hands. She just had her tubes tied at the first of the week and that was on Friday when he did that to her?I care so much for her, she is a very good friend of mine. I have been crying everyday at least 3 times a day about this. I think if I could list one thing about myself is that I give my heart and soul to my friends. I love my friends & care dearly for them. Ever since this happend. It's all I think about, It's all I talk about. It's like its consuming me?I try to quit thinking about & I can't. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen. And there is something we could have done to help her?And it is going to be our fault because there is something we could've done?I called my therapist so she will be calling me back. I don't have an appt til Monday but maybe a phone call will do me good. My husband talked to him on Saturday afternoon about what he did. I can't even look him in the eye, I have lost respect for him. I don't know how to act around him, what to say. I know what I want to say to him. He said that I am all pissed at him and wont talk to him..Well, am I supposed to be happy?He hurt my friend?He acts like nothing happend.She is upset and she cries about it when she is around me. She asked me what she was supposed to do. I told her I can't tell her what to do?She loves him. I told her I did think that men that beat up on women are assholes and I dont have any respect for him now...Anyway, here I go again... obssessing..My husband said...This lil area is your life and pointed around our house. And then he said that over there is their life... I guess it's just me, thinking I can fix everything Thanks for listening Amber Post edited by: momof2rugrats, at: 06/25/2008 07:19 Post edited by: momof2rugrats, at: 06/25/2008 07:19 My name is Amber, Im 30 years old..Married for almost 12 years to my wonderful husband (together for 14). We have 2 children boy/girl. I have recently been diagnosed having Bipolar II.
Im glad to have found this website..I have lots of supportive people in my family. There is nothing else like having people to come to that truely understand, exactly what you are going thru or feeling! |
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WARHORSE
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Hey, Amber. Did she call the cops? "Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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momof2rugrats
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Yes, he had to get away from the situation. Came back the next day and now to him its like nothing ever happend. But she is still suffering. But she is afraid to talk to him about it because she is afraid he will get mad at her. She doesn't know what to do about him. She wants him to get help, but she doesn't no how to make him. I mean you can't make him. She doesn't want to leave him. You know? He was doing so good. He really was. I don't know what happend? My name is Amber, Im 30 years old..Married for almost 12 years to my wonderful husband (together for 14). We have 2 children boy/girl. I have recently been diagnosed having Bipolar II.
Im glad to have found this website..I have lots of supportive people in my family. There is nothing else like having people to come to that truely understand, exactly what you are going thru or feeling! |
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WARHORSE
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She needs to press charges and have him picked up. "Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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momof2rugrats
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See, I really don't know why she didn't...Its all about that love thing..I can't speak about it. I haven't been in that situation so? We were gone out of town. The cops took him to his parents house?He said she started it and was schizo and bipolar..She ISN'T!!They asked who's house and car it was. Everything is in her name. So that is good... She said she is confused and doesn't know what to do.. My name is Amber, Im 30 years old..Married for almost 12 years to my wonderful husband (together for 14). We have 2 children boy/girl. I have recently been diagnosed having Bipolar II.
Im glad to have found this website..I have lots of supportive people in my family. There is nothing else like having people to come to that truely understand, exactly what you are going thru or feeling! |
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KrissyH
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Hi Amber, I know how overwhelming getting the house back in order can be. I find it helpful to make a list, then check things off as they get done. Gives you proof that you've accomlished things. My ex husband was very abusive. It took me 10 years to get out. I thought it was love, I believed his tears and lies over and over. Then I think it turned into fear. Fear of being alone, fear of him coming after me, so many things. But, the best thing I ever did for myself and my kids, is pack up and leave him. The day my divorce was final, I cried like a baby. I wanted to kiss and hug my judge for giving me my life back.... Lobo! Bless ur heart for realizing what women go through daily, and it doesn't often get recognized, usually just taken for granted. You are one of a kind! "I'm a master of Illusion...My masks, they seem so real...I can put on a happy face, when its lonliness i feel"
"Don't look at me, my Give-a-damns busted!"
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momof2rugrats
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Lobo YES!You are awesome!!  I plan on being pampered!!Lay in the hammock relaxing with my sweetie. Maybe do some shopping, he can carry the bags He is good to me!I asked him over the weekend why he was so good to me he is so funny out of the blue in his Forrest Gump voice he said 'Because you are my Jenny' & I said "And YOU are my Forrest".My name is Amber, Im 30 years old..Married for almost 12 years to my wonderful husband (together for 14). We have 2 children boy/girl. I have recently been diagnosed having Bipolar II.
Im glad to have found this website..I have lots of supportive people in my family. There is nothing else like having people to come to that truely understand, exactly what you are going thru or feeling! |
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