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Spiffy
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So, I told my ex-girlfriend suffering from bipolar mentioned in one of my earlier threads that I was done with our relationship and trying to keep it working instead of she just leaving it and me. I was tired of holding out a hope. Come to find out, she already considered herself not dating anyone. She stated that she couldn't date me right now, she couldn't put forth what was needed for an emotional commitment, she felt like what I was asking for (for her to give me some personal time with her) was too much to handle now but not before her behavior change, and that she literally couldn't care about how I felt at times, but then at other times found it too hard to think about how she hurt me. So, when I tell her it is over, she really wants to start talking again. BUT, any mention of our relationship becomes a trigger for her mania. I am assuming she becomes manic because she doesn't make sense and she goes from being nice to hateful while forgetting things she has said or denying what she has said in the past all in one conversation. Yet, she just really wants to talk to me as long as it doesn't involve talking about our relationship. So, Lobo says this is kind of a test and she is just kind of using me in ways. Which I can agree with. It is like she can no longer date me, but she also doesn't want to lose me completely. It feels as though she is admitting to herself that she just can't work at a relationship. So, is this a common reaction when someone with bipolar is dumped? Also, I have been told to just completely let go of communication with her and see what happens, but what does happen? I still like talking to her at times, but I am still bothered by the fact that she could have the relationship before, but due to her current state, she just has to let me go. It is just odd to me that now she seems desperate to keep our communication alive for reasons I am not sure of. |
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norma
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Spiffy, Spiffy, Spiffy...this is the same thing we have been over before...bless your heart. You want us to tell you what your girlfriend/exgirlfriend/friend is thinking. If anyone here can do that I want them to give me the winning lottery numbers for this week. LOL Seriously, sweetie...if you want to keep talking to this girl do it. Maybe you just want someone to give you permission. You will have to figure out what she is thinking your self by talking to her. Why don't you tell her about this site??? Maybe she can share her thoughts here since she is the person with bipolar disorder... than might help you out, buddy. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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Spiffy
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Since these forums have plenty of people with bipolar disorder, I was wondering if anyone here with the disorder knows if they do this and why? I wanted to end it, but at the same time she still wants to seem like friends. I am just seeing if this is common, not why SHE is doing this. So, I am asking for the stories of other people. I prefer to read what experiences other people have had a break up and then what happens when communication is cut when the person with bipolar suddenly wants to reach out.
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bejeweled
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Spiffy. Norma is right (and has bp btw.) You are falling into the trap of trying to make sense out of nonsense. There is no reason. There isn't a rational thought pattern. That is why it is a mental illness. It is impossible to read the tea leaves with bp. On top of that people with bp react VERY differently in different situations. There is a wide spectrum. So it's impossible to say things like "common" when referring to bp. It is a mood disorder. The only sure thing is that their moods probably won't fit the situation they happen to be in at the moment. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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Spiffy
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I think the best line I have heard in dealing with this is "shit happens." I would have done all that I could have to made sure she had her medications in hope that most of this would have been avoided. But, this is what happened. I know other people here have gone through this. They didn't do anything to cause this change in their relationship and for it to be stripped from them because they couldn't see it through. I just regret I hadn't given her the space she needed when she tried to warn me. But then, I wasn't prepared to understand why she did what she did. The hardest part is trying to accept that shit happens because there is no real reason for the emotional pain. |
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Spiffy
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Most of my answers I can find in the rest of these forum threads. But, as a friend of my ex said, I am looking for knowledge that I cannot use in the future. I guess it is a quest for me to understand why things happened the way they did because it is so hard to move on without some understanding of some of the things she did. I have no hopes of us ever getting together in the future, it is just hard at times to accept moving on completely from who she was and who her bipolar episode made her. I do fine for a while and then it really bothers me again. I am afraid I need to completely break away from her even though I fought to get her to speak to me again and now I feel like I need to run away from everything. |
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lobo
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Spiffy, straight out, you need to see a therapist for this obsessive relationship problem. You're asking the same stuff since the beginning and even when you get the answer you want you still don't do anything and take your own responsibility. If you don't get help for yourself then no one here or anywhere else can help you. You may not be BP, but you definitely have something else going on. You're recyclling the same old stuff and no answer suits you. Forget your girlfriend, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!! Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/24/2008 18:16 "A man is not defeated when he loses, he is defeated when he quits" Richard M. Nixon
"If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on earth" Abraham Lincoln
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norma
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Spiffy...you sure stick with something when you want to...do you do this in all of the areas of your life? If you apply this character trait to other aspects of your life you could be very successful at things. Unfortunately, applying your obsessive nature to this particular situation is just going to bring you frustration. You may never know why she behaves the way she does. The answer to your question is THERE IS NO ANSWER. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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Spiffy
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I consider it over. I don't question that. And I am seeing a therapist for helping me be less obsessive. Lobo, I appreciate your help, but I was actually seeking comments from other people. It is a rehashing if you decide to answer the same question. I know I already asked you, so I am not asking you now. Same with Norma. I appreciate the help from you guys already. But, I don't think you understood my question. I am not asking this time why she particularly did it, but why do people with bipolar do it in general. Why do they reach out when connections are cut and how do they react when they are cut? I am not asking you to tell me that she is jerking my chain around, I know that. I am trying to understand the illness and not blame her. There seems to be plenty of forums around here with people asking questions that have been answered. If you have answered this, then thank you, I appreciate it. But I am using this support forum to help me understand rather than blame the actions I have had to go through. It is your choice to answer my question. If you feel like you have answered it, then don't reply. I am not asking just a couple of people. |
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norma
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Sorry, Spiffy, when you open a discussion...then, it means that the members can post on it. I am a member and so is Lobo. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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