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01/04/2010 05:55 AM

HELP...How do you get help for a spouse

Teeka
Posts: 10
Member

Help, I know my husband is bipolar....He denies he needs help....I need advice.......please.....I am off to work....I will check back at lunch...Have a blessed day!
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01/04/2010 06:32 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13748
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

You say you know your husband has bipolar, has he ever been diaagnosed by a psyciatrist?

It is not uncommon for someone who has bipolar to refuse help, often times especially when its their first episode and they are not aware of their behaviors. Others may have suggestions for you. I wish you all the best in seeking help.


01/04/2010 07:17 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Some days I feel that my husband is more than just depressive. Sometimes I think he is Bipolar with psychosis and other days I think he is schizophrenic and then some other days, I feel that he is fine. He is on the same meds as me, almost.

What I do. I talk with him. I don't point fingers and I don't shame. I simply ask him how he is feeling. If I see symptoms that don't seem right, I tell him. I always, always, always explain that I am not judging only sharing my observations. I am lucky enough that because of my disorder and who he is, he is fairly receptive. The only thing is challenging is getting him to his doc. It isn't that he doesn't want to go, it is mainly finances. He is afraid they will lock him up though for his occasional homicidal thoughts though. I believe he hallucinates but can still distinguish between reality and fantasy. That is a bonus.

Communication is the key. Find a way that works for both of you and just talk. Acknowledgment is the first step.

The best of luck to you and your husband!


01/04/2010 07:58 AM
Fierosmom

Welcome Teeka I appreciate that you are concerned for your husband. BP diagnosis or not you just want to help.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but one of my close friends went through an extremely stressful event and still is. Her son was born with a heart defect and spent more time in the children's hospital then out. At 2 because of numerous complications her husband and her were told he had max 2 days to live he didn't receive a heart transplant. Luckily a heart became available (unfortunately for the donor's family), but he is well and at times a little monkey (I'm their fill in babysitter)

During this time my friend completely changed and understandably so. She would go into rages at her husband regularly and unfortunately began being emotionally abusive to her 5 year old daughter. It broke my heart. I would watch her daughter during the week after the dayhome, so my friend and the dad could do the "swap" at the hospital. I saw how it was effecting her.

I had the same conversation over and over with my friend "I'm concerned about you, you are under a lot of stress and you are loosing who you are, I think you need to talk to someone." This wasn't appreciated and she made it clear it wasn't, but I love her and wished someone had this conversation with me over BP. I'm sure she just went to shut me up, but it did help her and a year later she thanked me.

Long story to say as long as when you talk to your husband from a place of compassion and not judgement that's all we can do. I am direct with people and though it may not be appreciated at the time if he or she gets help who cares. I'd rather do that then talk behind someone's back (not that you're doing that here!). Beth


01/04/2010 08:13 AM
Lrose35
Lrose35  
Posts: 1732
Senior Member

I agree totally with the advise that has been given to you above. Coming from a place of knowledge and understanding is probably the most important thing you can do. Learning as much about Bipolar disorder is the key to understanding and being able to give the support that your SO needs. Also there is a forum here for family members of Bipolar. That may also be of some use to you.

01/04/2010 11:07 AM
Teeka
Posts: 10
Member

Hi to all and thank you for your thoughts! My family is falling apart!!!! My husband has had these episodes forever it seems.....we just now realized he may be bipolar. he is a very strong man...he lost his dad before he was a teenager. His mom had a cattle farm and rental property and stayed gone on business a lot and he was just about on his own since the age of 12. He had to grow up fast to help out....his mom couldnt handle him and looking back she needed help too...they had screaming fits at each other and minutes later it was as though the fit never happened.....his sister is 2 years younger than him. He was kind of spoiled with a new camero and came and went as he pleased....( his sister spoiled with girly things, clothes, fox fur, lots of expensive items). I met him when he was 17......fell in love....and we married just out of high school.....thought he would change .....he and his mom had a very turbulent relationship and it was constant.......We had 3 children through 27 years of marriage and I have seen every mood there is..and so have the kids...it wasnt until recently. He is very smart but only holds a job for 2-3 years at a time at places only some dream about....currently he is manager in a quality control position for the last 1 1/2 years....he is now talking about being burned out......AGAIN....he goes through depression and bouts of feeling fine....then SNAP.....you dont know what pushes his buttons... it was thought he may be bipolar....He has always been very adamant against different medicine....he didnt like me taking any antidepressent for very long....I would have to keep it from him when I was very depressed and needed to take them after childbirth and hormone problems. I am at my wits end...He says he doesnt need help. He is like he is and accept him..he says...There was an incident during one of my daughters weddings this summer...Out of the blue he didnt want his picture taken.....he told his sisters daughter who was taking random pics at rehearsal not to take his picture and my sister in law got mad. He decided at the wedding he wasnt going to wear his boutineer so my sister in law told him this was his daughters wedding to suck it up and put it on....He said the last person to pin a boutineer on him was his mom who died 3 years ago and he wasnt going to wear one....they got into it and he left for a while before the wedding started.....we didnt allow anyone to tell my daughter that day but someone told her after they left for their honeymoon and she vows a confrontation soon....This past Christmas was the climax. Our oldest daughter and husband brought our first grandchild to stay with us for 2-3 days during Christmas. The second day my sink was leaking so my husband took off to get a replacement before the stores closed for the holidays. My daughter, son in law and grandchild were here with my son. My son was texting and not paying attention to what my husband said to him, to remove some dishes from the sink....the sink was leaking water on his head while working on it and when my son didnt, my husband threw some of the out of the sink from down below and broke a cup. He had been banging on the sink and my daughter had took the baby to the car to leave with my son in law....when my husband came in the den my daughter came back in the house to get my son in laws coat and told her dad he needed help...he said he explained to her what had happened and she said he needed to get help....she was leaving and wouldnt be back....he would not see his grandchild till he did....He said when she used her son as leverage against him to get help he snapped....he told her fine, leave and dont come back....I have cried till I cant cry anymore these past weeks.....my oldest daughter wants him to get help, my middle daughter wants me to leave him before he "hurts me" and my son hasnt said anything....I am so sad...and depressed....does anyone know if this sounds like a bi polar personality or what? He said he would go to counseling but he will be working long hours and it may be July, then changed it to maybe March....who knows, I am about to go NUTS!!! I go to church regularly and am a Christian. My son attends with me and my husband occasionaly. My daughters however have not attended in several years....I would love to chat with anyone with some good Christian advice....THanks everyone!

01/04/2010 03:55 PM
Teeka
Posts: 10
Member

Hi, no and he doesnt believe in going to a psychiatrist. I am looking into a local support group that meets monthly...

01/04/2010 03:56 PM
Teeka
Posts: 10
Member

where do I find this family forum? thanks for your thoughts!

01/04/2010 04:05 PM
Fierosmom

Teeka here is the bp Family forum website:

www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-in-the-family

One thing I will suggest about support groups is I have had the most success when they have been run by qualified Professional therapists or Psychiatrists. You are welcome to continue posting here as well. Beth


01/04/2010 06:58 PM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

Teeka, another place that you can try is the NAMI.ORG website, they offer group meetings both for those with bipolar and the SO's...face to face can be a wonderful thing, perhaps they too can help you with information about how to deal with getting him to the doctor, but remember he basically has to volunteer to do it, otherwise he won't.
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