MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
06/21/2008 12:54 PM

i just feel something is wrong..

BlastRadio

so i get this feeling that something isn't right..my ex has not responded to my emails and didn't check them either..i decided to send a text message..it was small and very sweet..no response..so i decided to write an email cause maybe her phone is shut off..still no response..i hope she is ok..i have no way of knowing anything..i'm worried..all i know is she was in very bad shape last time we spoke..meds,doctors,and on disability..any advice on how to handle this in a calm manner? what's worse is i have no family or friends of hers to contact.
Reply
 

06/21/2008 03:21 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
Member

Here's what you said in your other post:

yes everyone here has been really helpful..i'm realizing that after all this i'm doing all i can for her..she has to realize this and come around on her own..and i was told with this she is an adult and i should not make decisions for her..all i can do is just be there for her.

yeah i have accepted this now..it's torturing me because i have no idea how she is at all..no close friends,no family..just nothing to have an answer to. i hope she comes around..because i know we love each other.

Now you're obsessing and the problem is now yours I'm afraid and not hers. If you're going to heed your therapists assessment and if she said that people in this situation quit too soon then what else do you need to hear bro'?? I'm not going to contradict your therapist and I'm sure your therapist said much more than that, but you've quoted the part you want to hear. I think now you're looking for others to tell you the same thing. You got a lot of good feedback in your previous thread, but I don't think you got what you wanted to hear so you're making another run at it. Not trying to be hard on you, but only you can decide for yourself what to do and taking a straw poll is not making up your own mind or taking responsibility for the outcome. I'm personally not going to cast a vote here.

You've given her complete control of your life so either you have to live with that and feel like you do or take back control and do something, but you have to choose for yourself what that something is. That something may be that you go see her to put your mind at ease, but you have to decide that for yourself and deal with the outcome. There is no easy or painless way for you to deal with your situation so if you're looking for an easy solution, you're likely not going to find it and she possibly is not going to just give it to you and make it easy. I can't speak for others on this site, but many of us have been thru this same thing and it's gonna hurt short term if you get out soon or it's gonna hurt long term living with her. Either way you're gonna hurt, grow and be tempered by it.

This situation is like most of ours, it's like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end.

There's an old saying that God seldom delivers us from hardship, but delivers us thru them. Whether a person believes in God or not makes no difference...that's just the way it works my friend and whatever decisioin you make you'll get support here for it, but it has to be your decision. It may not work out pleasantly and that's why this site is here too. Most of us probably can't count the things that haven't worked out for us, but most of the time it ended up for the best and you almoat always get another chance.

Good luck.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/21/2008 16:01


06/21/2008 03:55 PM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

I'm sorry that you are worried blast, do you live in a town where the police will do a wellness check? they can stop by and see how she is doing, has she ever tried or told you she was considering suicide? if so, that would give the police good reason to check on her.

She might just be not wanting to communicate with you, but finding out that she is ok, would put your mind to ease.


06/21/2008 03:57 PM
BlastRadio

i'm just scared and lost..i'm trying my hardest but it kills me cause i dunno if she is hospitalized or not..usually someone knows something..not in my case.

I dunno I guess a part thought she would at least contact me to tell me she is ok..i'm sure she would do the same if it was me in her shoes. i'm just kinda out of it and just sad..cause I have nobody to talk to about this. just hurts to know someone i love is hurting so bad. thanks for the tough love lobo.


06/21/2008 04:04 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
Member

Like I wrote above, that something you do may be to go see her to put your mind at ease, but be prepared to deal with the outcome. If all you're really doing is wanting to know if she's okay and not looking for her to take you back then there must be a way to find out her status. Are you saying that she has not one friend that you know that you could call. Was she an isolationist??

Having done the same thing myself several times, I am just asking that you be honest with yourself about your motives. If it's more than just concern and you're really looking for some opening or reason to take the temperature then you probably need to honestly deal with that and determine if that's the best thing for you.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/21/2008 16:21


06/21/2008 04:12 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Blast, I am not familiar with your situation other than what I have read on this thread but I am gonna give you my opinion anyway.

I take it she is your ex for a reason and she is an adult as you are. You can only be responsible for yourself and you can only help her if she wants you to.

You are obsessing over the what if's and could be's. NOT GOOD FOR YOUR OVERALL HEALTH! You need to find things to do that will take your mind off of these things, distractions if you will, try not to be alone, when we are alone we just tend to dwell on these thing. Stop trying to get in touch with her, she will get in contact with you when she is ready. Where ever she is, she is and there is nothing you can do to help until she wants you to, there or not!

Please don't take this as I am getting on your case or trying to put you down, I have been where you are on several occasions. It is not a pleasent place to put it politely. You will survive this and you will be stronger when it is over, you just have to weather the storm.

GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU SAFE.

RED


06/21/2008 04:27 PM
BlastRadio

thing is i know of one friend..not close with him..but i don't think he even knows her condition..and i cannot ask him because she would flip out..even though she is angry what she told me is private..i'm a private person myself so i know i would be upset as well.

like i said she reaches out..pushes me away..pulls me back..then again away..tells me things..and doesn't respond to me..leaves me worried..i know she is strong..but what if this time she isn't..i have no way of knowing. this is why i'm hurt..sorry if my mind is all over the place..very upset tonight.


06/21/2008 04:37 PM
BlastRadio

i know red..i thank you for it..i take criticism and tough love very well..just very hurt tonight..i don't want to be alone..my friend is going to come by tonight and scoop me up for some coffee and smokes.

it just really hurts to know that someone you love is suffering..and that you are able to be there but the person doesn't want you around..she has called me for me before and i came running..helped her discuss things and calm down.

maybe this time she doesn't wanna depend on me..and wants to for herself..but to get upset and say all things that can make a person think and also hurt inside..it was a cry for help..but now she is introverted..for someone who loves me is pushing me so far away..and it's killing me..but i'm trying my best to be there and believe in her.


06/21/2008 05:04 PM
Spiffy
 
Posts: 20
New Member

Blast, I hear what you are saying. I was doing fine the past 5 days without contact until today when I had nothing to do to keep me distracted. Now I am sitting here again, full of anxiety, and I can't stop obsessing. Most likely, she is doing alright and just needs the time for herself. From what I have seen so far in just 5 days without contact with my (ex)girlfriend she is doing better without the added stress from me. I found that I was just stressing her our more and now I wish I would have just let her be over a month ago when this started and maybe it wouldn't have gotten so bad. Now, she is back to hanging out with people privately where she had to be around a group for no more than a couple of hours. She is once again responding to cell phone calls. I am finding that what I thought was justified does not work. I can't make you leave her alone, just like nobody else could make me leave my girl alone until I decided that it was best that I do. It is quite likely she is doing to you what my girl did to me - she is ignoring you completely to get herself together because you are not being an assistance to her stability. My (ex)girlfriend (I put (ex) in () because I still have not given up on us because neither of us has ended it yet) just stopped talking to me and I kept sending her emails and IMs out of fear that I had blown it with her because I let my fear and stubborn behavior get out of control. Turned out that she was reading what I said, but it just made her absolutely pissed off because I wasn't getting the clue to leave her alone. When you desperately want to hold on to someone you love, each day is a battle to let go. But, you have to realize like I have, and still reminding myself, that you can't do anything. It feels like crap to be treated like this and just be left with no control over what happens. The best you can do now is let her be until she can get herself together. I really suggest reading as many stories in these forums as possible to better understand why she needs her space. It has helped me a lot, but just don't do it when you are feeling down, get out and force yourself to be away for a while. I decided to do a 10 mile run yesterday just to get away from my computer, the only source of contact I could possibly have with my (ex)girlfriend and feel distant and isolated from my problems. It is hard, I am still dealing with it, and days are worse than others, but I think you are at the point where it can only get worse with any input by you.

06/21/2008 05:06 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Blast, the push / pull is not uncomon. The thing is it is up to you to stop the push / pull cycle. It will only keep going as long as you let it.

I am glad to hear that someone is coming over to be with you tonight. This is a good thing. Try not to obssess over these things with your friend, tends to push them away. Stay around here and talk until your friend gets there.

Here to talk.

RED

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved