Why do bipolars run from ones they love?

The police came & asked him if he took something that belonged to me, and he admitted to them that he had. They told him to give whatever it is back because if I signed a complaint they would have no choice but to arrest him. He came in the house & gave me my papers and things back and was very nasty.

The police told me to call them right back if I needed to.

I told the one who was outside with me that he is out of it because he has been in such denial over the divorce. I really don't want to put him out in the cold on a restraining order, but I am scared sometimes. Earlier in the day, he was being all nice, and even asking me if I would go look at houses with him.

I told him he should really take care of finding his new place on his own.

That put him in a bad mood. I don't know if he even went to look or not.

I can't wait til this whole mess is settled.

Post edited by: sky, at: 01/27/2008 16:15

yrs ago doesn't know anything. He says there is nothing wrong with him, it is ME. Thanks for your concern

Well, I think most of the time they run because they can afford a fancy sports car to drive away, or a concord ticket to jet off to some exotic location. But then what do I know, I thought love was just another name for a scratchy wool sweater for many years.

Fondly

Stan

It turned out that he had started having an affair with some 51 year old divorcee bimbo from the Y that was a teacher and off for the summer. I chalked it up to the BP and asked him to come home and get help. He did and got meds that seemed to work. The problem was that he stopped taking them or altered the dose and started up with the bimbo again. I did everything possible to make him happy - things that I never thought that I would do. In the end, it didn't really matter because he left us again two weeks before Christmas. Again,didn't tell me about the bimbo, only that he wasn't happy with me and wanted a divorce. A friend called me a week later to let me know that the bimbo was back in the picture.

The pain and agony I felt was nearly unbearable. I have been in love with this man for more than half of my life. My kids and I barely got through the holidays. He kept popping in and being horribly cruel to the kids and I. It literally was this site, and a very helpful site leader, that helped me through the most difficult time in my life.

When I tried to cut him out of my life, he asked to reconcile. I bent over backwards again and forgave him everything. All I wanted was for him to get rid of the woman. He didn't, couldn't, and broke it off with me instead after a week. He says he is in love with her and served me with divorce papers two days after our 14th wedding anniversary that he spent sending me cruel and ugly text messages that blamed me for his unhappiness with our relationship. I think that maybe he just wanted to have the control back again. See, if I broke it off then he lost control.

I stayed with this site, often getting supportive messages from our group leader. I also started counseling with my kids and have stayed really busy with friends and family. It has helped and amazingly, it was worse waiting to be served with the papers than it was actually being served. So, that is where I am now. He is with her and I am alone. I have my kids, family, friends, and of course, me. He doesn't control me anymore, but tries to continually. He got an apartment and is hassling me constantly for one reason or another. I had to call the police on him once and will not hesitate to do it again. I love the man that he used to be but not the man he is today. I am doubtful that the man I love will ever be back, and that is what hurts me the most because I miss him so much. So do my kids.

It's like this though, you can try to help someone but it won't do any good unless they want to be helped. I don't know if my husband is on his meds now, likely not because of how erratic he has been. The woman has kids that are grown and is a risk-taker and hypersexual just like him. Maybe she is bipolar, who knows. I have accepted that I cannot compete with the life that they have together because I have a career, a home, and children that depend on me. All the woman has is her job and herself. She can travel or scuba dive or do whatever she wants because nobody depends on her. Eventuallly, he will figure it out I hope. But if he doesn't I still have to go on with my life and I deserve better than this.

To make a long answer short, why do bipolars run? I think that it is because they don't want to have to deal with the reality that has become their lives. They want to "start over" and be young and free and have no cares, worries or responsiblities. That is what I think. I am not a doctor but I have been living it. Just know that each day that goes by I get a little stronger. I don't take his calls or text messages or emails. They weaken me and keep me in his control. I will always love him, but know that he is not good for me. I miss him horribly but there is nothing that I can or will do to change things. At this point, I need to move on so that I can take care of me and my kids. Just know that things can and really will get better. Pray alot and lean on friends and family. They will help you.

Remember everything happens for a reason and God will never give you more than you can handle.

I was wondering why you are calling her a bimbo? You really haven't any idea what he's been telling her--she easily could think he's available and has finally found a great guy, only to wake one morning to find him gone, now knowing where he'd gone or why. He's acting like the bimbo and in the process has hurt you and your sons absolutely and terribly. Maybe she does know and doesn't care--then it's justified. It sounds to me that you are angry with your husband but giving him a bit of a pass because of the BPD, and instead allocating that anger towards her?

BUT if we don't know this for certain, I think we -- in general -- should practice less verbal violence against women when it is the men we are angry with. and vice versa!

Post edited by: maisey, at: 01/29/2008 03:56

Cheated on me after 24 years of marriage. It hurt like hell. He had clinical depression at the time and I beleive he is bipolar althought he self medicates whith alcohol when he gets manic. to make a long story short it is 10 yrs later. I am remarried to a wonderful man and have never

been happier. There are good days to come...keep your chin up and look forward not back.

start.

The divorce went thru, he didn't even show up for court.

I think it is because we have known each other so many years and

he has just told me so many LIES, and put his family thru so much

cr*p, he can't even look me in the eyes.

It is also the easy way out for him. He doesn't have to do any work.

When you are with someone 22 years, lets face it, even without bipolar

thrown into the mix, relationships need to be worked at to thrive or

even survive. Things get boring, we're not 'young & beautiful' anymore,

kids are always running in & out of the house, we are taxi service,

bills pile up, appliances break down, vet & dentist appts at night, etc. etc. etc.

It is WORK to be considerate, thoughtful, interested in your significant

other when you already probably know more than you even want to know about him/her after all these years.

I think all that can be overcome if there is a basic RESPECT for each

other that doesn't get 'lost' in all the day to day stuff.

My ex (weird calling him that) had to work at all

that, PLUS deal with all the 'whatever' going on inside his head, and deal with binge drinking, terrible temper, spenderholic, he

really has to do a lot of WORK to heal his life.

It is MUCH easier

to run away and get a fresh start.

No one pleading with him to go to a doctor, counsellor, try some meds.

He can sit in some recliner wherever he moves and get drunk as a skunk

ALL WEEKEND LONG and a few weeknights to boot!!! NO one NAGGING him.

He can spend HOURS AND HOURS on the TV or computer and never have to

use his voice or interact with another human being for DAYS if he feels like it.

Everything in his house can be EXACTLY the way it needs to be.

I really don't like feeling anger. My therapist says it is good for

me right now. It is going to take a while to heal myself, but I am

willing to WORK AT IT

So, friends, WE are not alone and we WILL be OK

Post edited by: sky, at: 01/29/2008 19:08

Post edited by: sky, at: 01/29/2008 19:10