Why do bipolars run from ones they love?

Ribbonz - I'm sorry you feel so badly about yourself - you're not a bad person, you are a good person with a really bad illness, try to remember that. Your illness makes you do things you don't really want to do - keep hanging in there - you will make good progress if you keep trying - remember you are worth it! If you start to love yourself, you won't want to do hurtful things because it will make you feel bad - you have it in your mind that you are a bad person which you are not - you have an illness and it is not your fault that you have it - you definitely did not ask for it, and you are trying to help yourself or you wouldn't be searching for help and answers on this site - don't be so terribly hard on yourself - and remember you can't love someone else until you love yourself first!

I think in the old days, they didn't have as much insite on how to parent the healthy way. They didn't have as much knowledge about mental illness. They locked you up, and drugged you, so, you couldn't move. They have come a long way in emotional and mental health. My mom even grew up with totally different values than, I did. My grandma grew up with a mean dad, too. She grew up to be a really good person. My dad grew up with an emotionally unavailable father, too. He ended up rebellious, and resorted to abusing drugs, and alcahol. They didn't believe in counseling. I was the first person to get help for my alcaholism, and bipolar. I have the opportunity to break the cycle. It takes alot of courage to deal with ourselves. I agree that we are all worth it. God doesn't make no junk.

So, anyway, I think all of us are the fortunate ones.

So, keep up the good work ,

Thanks, Gypsy

Post edited by: Gypsy, at: 01/16/2008 12:10

I just want you to know I have learned so much about bipolar from reading your posts. My husband does not communicate well and he is in denial and I have wished I knew what he was thinking and why he would do some of the things he does. Of course not all bipolar people are the same just as us nonbipolar, however, many characteristics of the illness ARE similar (don't need medical books, can tell by just reading these posts!) Anyway, yours are especially insightful as you have given (Before) 'diagnosis,awareness,treatment' scenarios and (After) scenarios and life stories. You have really helped yourself and your family by being an active participant in management of your illness. I felt I really learned some of what my husband must be going thru when he is manic. (his missions from hell that he doesn't want interrupted). Knowledge is power.

My compassion that I always had for him is wearing thin because he is

being so irrational. I know it is the illness, but I can't stay on the rollercoaster with him. There is medicine he can take to slow things down and help make the rest of our lives 'a mellower ride' but he won't hear of it. I really think he enjoys himself so much when he is all wild and drunk and the life of the party, or doing crazy things and telling loads of lies, that he won't give it up, even if it means divorce, moving, not seeing his child daily, etc. When he is ok he is a nice quiet shy family guy.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks.

If i have learnt one thing it is that they need to realise everything by themselves, and they need to help themselves before we can.... so we do need to look after ourselves and be there for when they are willing to get better.

Does he have your kids?I think it will help to go to counseling. I would let him go , and let him make his own decisions about getting help. It's important to take care of you. You should be able to has contact with your kids. he can't keep you from them, without a good reason.

God bless, Gypsy

He only looked a couple days, hasn't packed, is now asking if it's ok with me if he just moves out & leaves his stuff (not really ok, but I told him 30 days) I think he's just leaving his things here as an excuse to still have a 'home' once in a while when he does move. I am trying to keep things smooth for the sake of our daughter, but I have a feeling there are going to be issues at some point.

To show how confused he is, I found him shopping 'online' for all new dishes, flatware, cups, etc. and he doesn't even have a place to go with all this stuff. (wouldn't it make sense to buy stuff after you have found a place?)

Plus, I told him to take 1/2 from the house (trying to save him some money, which he obviously doesn't care about doing)

I asked him ...aren't you putting the cart before the horse?

I just don't understand him anymore.

It will take time for you to detatch emotionally, like I have apparently done. (thought it would take longer then it has)

The only thing I still do is I worry about his wellbeing for the sake of our daughter. I don't want her to get sick or stressed if he doesn't do so good after he leaves, but it's not really my problem.