Why do bipolars run from ones they love?

Its been a while since i posted and things are pretty much the same. My ex has been pushing me and pulling back and forth and im finally getting tired and just really want to let go. I just found out his 23 year old girlfriend he left us for is pregnant which is absolutely no surprise to me or anyone else. She has two other kids by two different dads. After I found out, he was saying things like "we" will get through this and asked me if I would be able to deal with this should we get back together....all the while he continues to live with her. Totally absurd.

He now owes me over $12000.00 in child support so i finally filed the enforcement papers. After I told him the next morning i get this email:

You can have everything, I concede to defeat. I am realy feeling like giving up, and stARTING MY NEW LIFE. Please dont let the kids know I gave up on them, I let my self down by not believing I could pull it off. They really wont understand untill they get out and start their own business. I have learned alot about what I will not do. So if you are looking for something to do I say real estate part time until you get it and understand it. You never get ahead working for someone else. the secret to magnatism message came to late fro me. Never meet people alone on spur of momement, be safe. My clients have the problem, not me thats when you make money. Then you get tired of making them money and need to buy real estate for your self, go with your gut and dont be afraid to help your self and not give them your profit, they have the problem and need to move on. Seller becomes a buyer and you get a refferal or sell them something else with the little they end up with.

If anyone can decipher this for me, please do. I just don't have the energy to care i guess...i think it is his way to letting me go finally???? This is the way any conversation with him goes, just when you think you understand him you walk away wondering what the heck he was really trying to say. Everytime....I have asked numerous times to just be honest and TELL ME he doesn't love me so I can have closure and feel I am doing what is right. He refuses to. Whether this is a manipulation tactic on his part or he really can't, I'll never know. I can't wait to relocate and move away from here, there are just too many memories here to cling on to. Im also way too accessible for his games when he's in the mood. I am literally exhausted from "swinging" with his moods.

I really do feel i am doing better. I am beginning to remember how terribly dysfunctional our life together was and feel myself letting go. Instead of romanticizing those few instances he was nice which to be honest wasn't very many. Those first years he was so wonderful and after that it wasn't so great anymore. Don't get me wrong I still have those miserable moments of despair but I am beginning to understand that it is more fear of the unknown of what lies ahead than it is wanting him back. My ego has taken a huge hit and it is still hard for me to accept that i will find someone who desires me and loves me for who i am. That's the tough one. After 16 long years with him, it hurts to see how much of myself i have lost taking care of him and tending to his needs.

Sorry this is so long, i just wanted to extend my support to those going through this also. In the end, ESPECIALLY in those cases where they refuse to believe anything is wrong with them, it is best to take whatever sanity you have left and move on. I know all too well that is easier said than done, but believing their empty promises to reconcile is only to keep you hanging on in case they may want you again. They will never be able to give you what you want or need. Good luck.

Tammy

theresa

For me, it was harder letting go of my dreams and ideals of what the relationship was or would be, as opposed to letting go of my husband in his present state. Once I was able to let go of the dreams, and to realize that's all they ever were (dreams -- not reality), moving on in life became much easier. It's a grieving process, much like a death, to let go of all of ones hopes and aspirations for the future of a relationship. I had envisioned us growing old together, maybe traveling around the country in an RV, me taking care of him in his old age, etc. So I had to let go of all that, and once I did it was very liberating and I was able to see that the reality of our marriage had indeed been quite dysfunctional and unhealthy for me.

Don't worry for now about finding a new love. Just focus on getting your life back, and know that you are a complete person and can have a happy life on your own.

Post edited by: NewDayDawning, at: 05/14/2008 12:15

It looks like he can't face things, and stay engaged very long. He moves on to his work.

I am glad you got out of that situation. I went through something similar.

My ex left me pregnant with 2 kids, and tried to avoid paying child support.

I finally got it, but, he took off, and married someone. He hasn't talked to his kids or me in almost 6 yrs.

He actually did me a favor. I don't have to deal with his selfish behavior anymore.

My ex is now settled into his place, things are getting into comfortable routines here with me & the kids.

My ex & I are on friendly speaking terms ( I am glad for this for the sake of our daughter.)for now. When he finally spirals into one of his funks, I wonder how that will go...might be sooner than later.

The differences in our ways has become even more apparent since we are each on our own. I have been very careful with money and budgeting so the kids and I can have what we need, exhubby has been on spending sprees like there is no tomorrow, he is just starting to complain about running out of money (no surprise there)

I still miss the man I married, but he went somewhere and I don't think he is ever coming back. It is a little lonely. My yard really took a trashing with the storm earlier this week. I thought a little wistfully that in the old days, we would be outside together, picking up branches and cleaning things up, and chatting about our day. Little things like that can still make me sad.

The trade off is there is no daily drama, no verbal and emotional abuse, and I am not watching the person I love swirl further and further away into his own little world of illness. That was so hard to watch, and it is much better for me & the kids to not be exposed to it daily.

Here's a big (((HUG))) for all for plugging away and trying to take care of ourselves, our kids, and just taking one day at a time

It's good to hear that things are going well for you. I too had my yard trashed from the storm and have spent lots of time cleaning it up. You sound great; strong and so sure of yourself. I hope that I can get there soon. Each day is a struggle for me, but I think maybe I'm getting on with my life finally.

I recently got a temporary order giving me custody and support. The temporary order also sets out visitation schedules, that my STBX was having difficulty with. Best of all is that it gives me sole possession of the residence, so he can't come in anymore and just take things or hang around when we aren't there. At this point, I pray that he can just keep his job to help me support our kids.

We recently tried to reconcile (again) and it ended badly. I decided to end it this time and feel okay about it. I never did anything about trying to stop the divorce. He did, but started it back up right after I broke things off. I know what you mean about thinking about the old days. I do that from time to time. I too have come to realize that the man he is today isn't the same man that I married. So much is different now. I miss the man he used to be, but not the one that he is now. This time, his presence in our lives caused problems with my kids almost immediately. All of the popping in and out of our lives isn't a stable environment for my boys, so that weighed heavily in my decision to let him go for good. None of us are missing the drama either. Things are so much calmer around here now. It sounds like they are for you too.

I noticed a complete change in him now. A complete change of appearance: a beard and earring, a leather jacket, etc. I don't think he has a motorcycle...at least not yet. He too is complaining about money and is manic as anything right now, so a motorcycle may be in the works. Seriously though, watching him destroy what is left of himself with drugs and alcohol is too much for me to bear.

Continue to keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for you and your kids. Talk to your soon.