Why do bipolars run from ones they love?

I'd like so much to tell you that he could come back to you, but would you really want him? When my husband first left me I was the same way as you are. I had sex with him, told him I loved him, the whole deal, because I figured surely he would come to his senses. Well, he didn't and filed for divorce instead.He made promises of reconciliation and sent me love letters on Valentine's day. But each time he changed his mind I pulled away a little bit more. I am hurting still - really, really bad, when I let myself think about him and life we had together. I have come to accept that our life together is over and will never be again. He made decisions without regard for me or his children and lied and cheated and stole from us to get what he wanted. I could never trust him again and for that reason, I have moved on. Try to do that yourself. You are worth much more than that. Try reading "Codependent No More". I am reading it and it has helped. And by the way...just because he's bipolar doesn't mean that he can't also be an ***hole too! Just look at my husband.

I read that book. I learned a lot from it. I have 3 generations of codependents in my family. I learned how to do that really well.

I think you are doing better, and better all the time. Keep being strong.

It also made me realize how medication alone is NEVER enough for anyone with any emotional problem, especially a disorder as complex as bipolar disorder. Those with bipolar are not just suffering with bipolar disorder, they are also people with complex histories and childhoods and they too are re-enacting their childhoods just like the rest of us!

I am torn between 'putting up with the situation' until he has one of his mood swings and leaves on his own, or getting the evictions procedure going. He is really taking advantage of me, and he knows I am trying to avoid big nasty blowup about it for the sake of our 13 yr old daughter.

Isn't there anywhere that you and your daughter can go to stay until you figure out what you are going to do about your living arrangements?

Also, my mom was one of those people that always needed to have a man in her life. Usually that man had a drug or alcohol problem or both and also liked to avoid working whenever possible She was and still is very codependent. I became codependent all on my own, but gradually. I have to say that after what I have been dealing with the past year or so, the last thing I am thinking about is another relationship! Seriously, there is no way that I want to get involved with anybody for a very, very long time. Way too much trouble - at least that is how I am feeling now. I wouldn't mind letting a good-looking fireman or paramedic take me out for dinner, but no relationships for now.

Don't make yourself responsible for other people's decisions.

Theresa

I have bipolar, and I have had this happen to me, too. My ex, and I used to fight about everything, especially finances. He couldn't keep a job.

He left me with 2 kids, and pregnant,with a broken car, no job, and I had to move in 2 wks. My ex lied to me for 4 yrs. He up, and decided he didn't want anything to do with me or the kids, and accused me of cheating on him, and questioned me about the baby being his.

He later Married an ex stripper, and ran off to Las Vegas.

Amazingly, I was able to deal with all of this. The one thing that helped me through this was counseling, and support from my family.

I now know he did me, and my kids a favor. We so much better off, now.

Bipolar or not, your husbands behavior is not healthy, and you can't make him stop.He has to live his sickness out, and hit his own bottom.In the meantime,put you, and your son first. Maybe get some help for both of you.

You don't have to live this way. Alot of times when one of the family members are sick all the attention goes to them, and all the others get neglected. It's your turn. You deserve alot better than how he is treating you. No matter what you do to try to get him well he will never beable to make you okay. You have to be okay with you. You deserve to be happy. None of what he says in his illness is your fault. This a very selfish disease, and As a person with bipolar. I would blame everything on the people around me, so, I didn't have to be accountable for my actions. I would run from life, and reality.

Anyway, hang in there, and we are here for you.

My husband left us 12 days ago, says he is trying to avoid the fights because that is what is making him drink more which makes him lie more,which leads us to fighting, which supposedly is what drives him into a depression, having hard time believing that he believes all this himself, says he is doing great without myself and my son...funny thing is he fled before a fight got bad and it was over finances...his spending...seems like running away is easier to hide it from me right? I have caught him in many lies during Manic states and I know his gig.

Theresa

Sounds to me like he runs away so he won't have to face the truth about his behavior. My stbx husband did exactly the same thing.

Only he is responsible for his drinking, lying, etc. You don't "drive him" to do those things -- he chooses to. Don't let him make you responsible for his actions.

Save yourself a whole lot of heartache and let him go. He needs to find his own way out of this sickness. Unfortunately sometimes that means hitting bottom, like Gypsy said. It's a hard thing to watch and to wait for, but it really is what needs to happen.

Believe me, I beat myself up over my husband's illness and behavior. It took me months of counseling, support groups and talking to lots of great people on this forum to figure out that his desertion of the kids and I really wasn't my fault! I knew that the illness wasn't my STBX's fault, but I just couldn't accept the fact that he didn't want to get well. It was the hardest part for me. I kept trying to talk him into getting help, even begging him to see the doc. He would just go through the motions with the doc, but in reality, he wasn't ready or willing to do what he needed to do to get well - and that was his fault. For my husband it was to take his meds as prescribed and to avoid bad things like drugs, alcohol, and porn. So far, he isn't really interested in doing that.

I came to see that my trying to help him get well, was actually enabling him to be sick. It took me months to figure that out, but it really is the truth. No matter how hard you try, how much you beg, or push him, he will never get well until he is ready to get well. I think that he will only get well when he realizes that he has lost everyone and everything that matter to him. Our divorce is underway and hard, but I had to continue with it for the sake of my kids and I. He has been putting us through the wringer. Don't let your husband do that to you.

Take care tertap.

Post edited by: buhlir926, at: 05/14/2008 00:39