Why do bipolars run from ones they love?

Won't go to the doctor, won't quit drinking, won't stop spending us into the poorhouse, won't have a normal conversation, won't won't won't. I feel so sad, numb and betrayed. I really don't want to divorce him but I feel like he is actually forcing the situation upon us. Then he can blame me for that too.

You genuinely care about someone, but just are unable to sustain relationships. It has almost destroyed my life. I've tried to do my own businesses and that's what I'm working on now, and it always gets started well, and then I'll freak out and won't call anybody, won't accept any phone calls...I'll just sit by myself and drink. Drinking is what numbs it, or makes you go to sleep so your brain will shut up.

I have a wonderful wife who stood by me through a bunch of crap that I pulled. I left her just over a year ago during one of my times. We still talk but I don't know if the damage can ever be undone. This illness has sabotaged everything good in my life. I get truly dysfunctional to the point where I can't even carry on a conversation. We really don't like being like this (at least I don't and don't think others do either).

This is kind of rambling I know, but maybe it sheds more light.

Justin

I am sorry you all are going through such a hard time with your bipolar spouses.

I am also bipolar, but, since, I have gotten in to recovery for my alcaholism, and have gotten help with my bipolar, (getting on meds, and getting into therapy), I haven't had to behave that way anymore. I had to get help when, I was ready, though.

I had to be tired of living the way, I was living, and tired hurting others with my disorder. No one could convince me that I had a problem, until, I could admit it myself.

I was not a very good parent or spouse as long as I was running, and acting out in my sickness. It took a long time until, I was ready to take meds, and take responsibility for my illness. It wasn't anyone's fault.

I have read alot of post's by people who ask, why we act the way we act, and do we really care? We act the way we do, because, we are sick, and dillusional, and are constantly cycling between being depressed and manic. When I am Manic, I don't consider my current reality, I feel like superman, and can run on it for as long as possible, until, I drop in to a depression, that is suicidal, and horrible. That is why I hide out. I have a disease that tells me I am fine, and I don't have to take meds. In the mania I don't live in reality. In depression, my head runs, and I get angry, and negative, and suicidal. We run, because, we think we are failures, and no one wants us around. We also can run because we are on a mission from hell and want to be able to do what we want to do, without others keeping us from it.

The problem is I won't stop until, I am done with all of this insanity. Which takes a lot. I couldn't stop. Until, I got on meds, and got into therapy, I could not stop my behavior.

So, I just wanted to share this to explain why we act so crazy, and hurt people. We don' realize we are hurting people, until we come out of the mania. I would have psychotic episodes, and lose it, and would have no control over my feeling and behavior.

So, I think it's important that the spouse get help, too. If you are going to stay in a relationship with someone who is continuing to cause harm to you, than, I would get involved in some kind of support group, or therapy. You don't have to keep supporting anyone who doesn't want help, and who is off acting out in their disease. They are not ready to get help, if they are continuing to run on their insanity, and wont stop.

I was not capable of being a mother, or partner to anyone when, I was out acting out on my bipolar. I have had two failed relationships in my life due to my disorder.

I am in a good relationship, now, and my S/O and I have both had problems, but, we were both willing to get help. I with my bipolar, and he with his gambling, and anger issues. We are now doing very well. I used to focus on his problems, thinking that if he were to just get help, we would be fine. Well, when he finally got help, and stopped acting out, I still had the same issues, that I had before, except, I couldn't blame him anymore. That's when, I got help with my issues, and found out, I was bipolar, and finally got on meds.

There were times where, I was faced with a decision. To continue living in the sickness, or find a solution. I had to find my own happiness, with or with out him. I had to be okay with myself.

I also had to make these decisions for my kids, too. I had to help my kids and me get to a place where we were living a good life not an unhappy one. Anyway, that's enough of my ramblings, I hope this has helped someone. God bless Gypsy

Hotrod, that's a tough one there. There is a possibility that she's really trying to get help and understand, but we can be pretty manipulative. I think it would be best to be cautiously optimistic.