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06/18/2008 09:31 AM

I feel nervous and don't know what I should do

BlastRadio

I'm trying to think less and less about this..but it is hard..I have no other contact besides her to find out how my ex-girlfriend is doing..I want to call my ex just to say hello and maybe have a nice conversation and just keep it short and simple.

I'm now afraid to call her cause I don't know if i will make things worse..but i don't know if she will contact me..or ever for that matter..but I don't wanna seem like I don't care..I told her through email awhile I'm here for her..but should I leave it up to her? or should I make an attempt..so paranoid on what to do and not to do. any strict advice that I can be given?

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06/18/2008 09:41 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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BlastRadio...if you said it through e-mail and she hasn't responded then wait a few days. She may be thinking it over. She may not contact you and that would be an indication that the affair has come to a conclusion. And prepare yourself to accept the affair may be at an end.

06/18/2008 10:05 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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Sad I want to say this to you, BlastRadio..being dumped by someone who you cared for is one of the hardest things in life. It is part of living. It is not fair nor is it easy. Most of us have been through it...you will feel denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually will come out on the other side and have acceptance. If you find someone who keeps pulling you back when they told you it is over. Beware!!!

It is a head game...just don't play.

You will read a lot of threads in which married people or people in serious long term relationships are having problems due to bipolar disease by one of the partners.

They do sometimes come to repair the relationship and go on to get help and heal it. And some of them have a stronger bond because of the trials they endure.

It takes a commitment on both sides to make that happen. If your ex girlfriend is not ready to make a commitment to you and has broken it off then, there is not much hope.


06/18/2008 10:17 AM
BlastRadio

well she told me in an email about everything that has gone on these past few weeks..but then she throws these mean comments on me that i don't care and i know nothing about her..when all i ever did was ask her to open up otherwise i don't know what is going on..i mean she pushed me away then tells me her diagnoses.

it's like she is reaching out..this is why i'm confused as to not do the wrong thing..but the little past i know about her she had done this to someone before..but she tells me i'm different and she doesn't wanna hurt me..but then does.

i can deal with a breakup..but it seems like she doesn't wanna let me go..she even said it's not my fault and to stop blaming myself..but this is all i'm left with.


06/18/2008 10:22 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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Let it go..BlastRadio...just let it go. Go on with your life...

06/18/2008 10:30 AM
BlastRadio

i just feel she is doing this push/pull on me..and she says it's not my fault..but wants to be with me..then doesn't..if she was not bipolar and just dumped me i would be fine..but she reaches out..then pushes..and now in the last email she told me all of her conditions..but told me it's not my fault..it seems like she doesn't wanna put me through anything..but i'm willing to work at it..and if not romantic..then i will be a friend..which i'm sure she needs..and expresses to me when she reaches out.

06/18/2008 10:36 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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you have to decide what are the boundaries for you. How much do you want to take. If you have been intimate it is hard to go to being a friend again.

Blaming things on her being bipolar is just making excuses for hanging in there. Don't play head games with yourself. That is where the confusion lies. She is pushing you away and you keep coming back for more.


06/18/2008 10:45 AM
BlastRadio

so what you're saying is she might be using her illness to play head games with me? because i don't mind the breakup if that is what she wants..but coming back and telling me she wants me in her life and she loves and cares about me is what confuses me.

but she goes from the i love you to the i love you as a friend..but when i gave her the space she wanted..she came out and told me everything and like i said i'm afraid to say "are you ok?" or anything like "i wanna help you" it seems like she wants to be with me..but now she just wants to stay away..but still contact me.

i get bits and pieces from her and i'm patient to deal with it..but i dunno if should let go of her..cause i feel when i do..then she will come back and everything will be gone.


06/18/2008 10:55 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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Looks like from what you have posted, and I read all your other posts, that you are trying to make sense of a relationship in which one person is unstable. Maybe, both of you are unstable. Your need to explain her behaviors, instead of reacting normally which would be to just take her at her word, says you want to find an excuse to continue the relationship. Maybe you just need to invest a whole lot of time in the push-me pull-me cycle before you decide that you are wasting your time. It is up to you.

06/18/2008 11:03 AM
BlastRadio

well being that she is unstable i guess it's hard for her to be with me. i just do the right thing and i think she realizes i'm there but is afraid.

i want to be forceful but in the best way possible. i'm only trying to make sense of what she is trying to tell me. but i'm sure she has an idea that i'm hurting over this..and she is also..but i have let go..it's just that she trusts me but is so scared to still open up..she has trust issues as she told me in the past.

i mean she has to decide on whether or not she wants to keep this relationship going..because i'm here now..but if she wants it over then she needs to tell me..but like i said she is expressing her illness to me and didn't say i don't wanna speak to you again.

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