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12/18/2009 08:27 PM

SHOULD I TELL A PARTNER THAT IM BIPOLAR?

shelbyleo
Posts: 1
Member

I'm bipolar. I take medications in the evening so that my mood is stable and I have been living a great life as a result of these medications and regular visits with a medical professional. After putting aside the drugs and alcohol, I started finding myself able to be in healthy, sober relationships, and right now I am in a great relationship with a woman. In fact I'm pretty sure she is 'the one.' I haven't told her I'm bipolar though. I've told her that I had a problem with alcohol in the past, but that I go to meetings now and don't drink. She was fine with that. That was a big piece and I was happy to be able to tell her that and happy that it went over well. I haven't told about the bipolar though and I'm nervous to do so. I'm afraid she might reject the disease. I really have not told many people about it so the whole idea is new to me.

Something needs to change though because I go to her place often. I spend the night there multiple times per week and I always bring a night's worth of medicine with me so that I can sneak my pills when she isn't looking. I sneak them because if she sees, she will surely ask what I'm taking and why. The sneaking I can live with, though it isn't fully forthcoming. What has been becoming a problem though is missed doses. Occasionally I will miss a dose because we are getting into bed and I realize that I haven't taken my meds and instead of making an excuse to go take them, I find it best to let it slip for the night and just have fun with this girl. The other night it really affected me though. I couldn't sleep at all because I didn't take my meds and I started thinking it was unhealthy for me to do this.

So like I said, something needs to change. I need to step up my medication sneaking to be more consistent- or tell her that I take medication. I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to tell her, but Im scared.

What has been people's experience? Have they told someone and they were accepting and supporting and you are now in a great relationship?

Have you told someone and it was too much for them and they rejected you? Will she find out anyway and she will end up being upset if I don't tell her now? Is it necessary to tell a partner you have bipolar? Can you just get medical care and not tell your partner? Is it necessary to have a partner on your side? If she doesn't love me anyway is she not that one? I feel like this sneaking around and secrecy has been weighing me down. Thanks for reading and advice is appreciated.

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12/18/2009 08:38 PM
TenaceFemme
TenaceFemme  
Posts: 517
Member

First of all you should keep in mind if your looking for anything long term or a Healthy realationship than you should just be honest about it and get it over with. Rejection would be really hard to deal with and it would make you think that your disease is holding you back from living life, but people should be more informed. I guess you could just say you are a moody person and you take mood stabilizers to keep you focused instead of stating your bipolar right off the bat, Anyway it would just reduce the stigma.

12/18/2009 09:06 PM
jennywren
jennywrenPosts: 3195
Senior Member

Shel.....

This is always a difficult question to tell or not? I agree with TenaceFemme.

While some may down me for this, due to the possibily of Bipolar Disorder being inherited, to me this is a reason to tell.

While everyone has their own idea as to what possible gene related disorder that a person should tell their partener. I have my own list of what is important to tell and what is not.

There is always the angle of starting a new relationship with "secrets" not a good way to go.

JennyWren


12/18/2009 09:08 PM
robynize
robynize  
Posts: 115
Member

This is a hard issue that persists for us with love relationships and friendships alike. While I was in a long term relationship, I was dx. so he knew about it, and things started to make more sense to both of us. He didn't understand some things, but he did his damndest to be supportive. For you, it really depends on the intensity of your feelings for this person, is she someone you want long term? If so, honesty is the best policy, cuz we just cant mask our disease forever. Tenace's way could work, you could sort of, work your way up to the big news. But FOR SURE you cannot miss meds, sneak better if you must, but missing meds makes the whole decision more overwhelming as you are not at your best functioning mode. The stigma is a bitch, but you know what, sometimes the most important thing is to validate ourselves and remember, we did not choose this disease, and that's what it is, A DISEASE, like cancer,lupus, any number of diseases out there. There are more of us than the world cares to know, and how can we destigmatize if we keep ourselves shut away in the dark? Good luck to you in however you choose to deal with this,but please, either way, don't miss your meds okay? God Bless you!

12/18/2009 09:49 PM
beentheredonethat
Posts: 224
Member

I told my now wife of six years two weeks into our relationship. I've been with her eight years. You should tell her soon before she feels you kept something very important about yourself a secret. Honesty is very important in romantic relationships. I understand your must have a fear of rejection. I felt the same way, but my wife accepted me.

12/18/2009 09:52 PM
beentheredonethat
Posts: 224
Member

p.s. I got my wife involved in my treatment. I brought her to see my psychoologist and she helped with my psychiatrist. I wanted my wife to know what she was getting into. I wanted her to be fully informed. I wanted her full support.

12/18/2009 10:58 PM
ComingUndone
ComingUndone  
Posts: 1452
Senior Member

I tell the guy if I see myself being in a relationship with him. I just like to get it out of the way but at the same time I am not going to tell them immediately because I want them to know me and not stereotype.

12/19/2009 12:07 AM
auntie60
auntie60  
Posts: 303
Member

I personally think that with any relationship your concience should be open and concise. It sounds like a wonderful relationship but I feel very strongly that honesty is a must. There is no way you will ever be able to keep away forever. If it is a good relationship it will be understand and you will stop feeling as if you are always walking on eggs. You are going out of your way to keep this a big secret but if they care enough, then you can stop worying.

Even thought I am a licensed Physian these are merely my personal thoughts and feelings.

Dean


12/19/2009 01:03 AM
ohfaithful

Hello,

I think it is important to be open and honest with someone about your mental situation. Not doing that can cause a host of other problems, namely trust IMHO.

Ultimately, you have to make the best decision for you though.

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