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05/06/2013 06:58 AM

Says he loves me but acts the opposite.

LovesBipolar
Posts: 2
New Member

Hi,

This is my first time posting on a forum. I have been reading some postings and wonder if anyone can shed insight on what I am going through.

My boyfriend is bi-Polar and also addicted to alcohol. Or an alcohol abuser.

We have been having a really hard time lately. He acts very distant and sits in his room all night drinking. He doesn't talk to me much yet spends a lot of time texting other people.

I have been telling him things need to change. A repeating pattern is where our issues come to a head and he promises to change. Promises to get help and then does neither. I know change doesn't happen overnight but nothing at all happens.

I told him he needs to decide what he wants. Me and my daughter or call it quits. He said he wanted us. Asked me if it was too late to fix it. I said he needed a few days to think things over and make some decisions.

He went to a friends house and had fun all weekend. How is that thinking things over? Told me he was coming home and didn't. He hasn't called or tried to get in touch with me.

He has told me he doesn't deserve my love. Is that code for I don't want to be the bad guy?

What is going on? Should I just let him go and move on or is this typical behavior of a bi-polar?

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05/06/2013 07:14 AM
jaguarandcubs
jaguarandcubs  
Posts: 2688
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Honestly? The alcohol is a HUGE problem. I can't see him being the person you want him to be for that reason alone. Bipolar isn't an excuse - granted, many of us have self medicated with alcohol or drugs. Usually before being diagnosed and treated with medication.

I think you should really think about yourself and your daughter. It is a toxic environment for both of you. It has to be his decision to change. And it really sounds like he doesn't want to.

Sorry if that sounds harsh....I just call it as I see it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.


05/06/2013 07:21 AM
LovesBipolar
Posts: 2
New Member

Not harsh. I am old enough to take reality. Or truth.

I suppose I should sever all ties and let him go. I already knew that and also know he has to want to change. I cannot do that for him.

Thanks. just wanted someone else's take.


05/06/2013 07:36 AM
SoloMamaBP
SoloMamaBPPosts: 317
Member

Another hard truth here: If you let him go, and it doesn't inspire him to change, then you know it wasn't meant to be. If you let him go, and he changes and comes back, then maybe it was. Either way, moving on, perhaps with "rights to revisit" if he gets his act together, may be the best move for everyone.

Basically, I'm the bipolar one in my relationship, but my ex took a job over the road trucking, and it destroyed us. I was miserable, and my being miserable made him miserable. Now he's off the road, and my son and I see him almost every week. Yesterday he came up for my son's birthday party, and it was really nice. We're not jumping back in with both feet, but we "broke up" with rights to revisit, and now we're slowly revisiting.


05/06/2013 08:12 AM
jayna01
jayna01  
Posts: 5901
Group Leader

Hi LovesBipolar, Wecome to MDJunction and the Bipolar Support Group. We're glad you are here. This is a very informative, supportive and compassionate group of people. If you ever have any concerns or questions, please feel free to contact me or any of the other Group Leaders for help via PM (Private Message).

Personally I think you need to part ways. I know it will be hard but it is the best thing for your daughter as well. She does not need to be around him. It will hurt her too.

I think in the future it will cause you pain and sorrow and you shouldn't have to go through that. Nobody should. He has told you he doesn't deserve your love. I think that is a way of him wanting to cut ties. He's just not man enough to say it.

Please do something now before you are hurt anymore than you already are. It will be the best thing you've done in your life. You have to think about your daughter first. She is your main concern and doesn't need to be around a alcoholic or alcohol abuser as you stated.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep posting so we know how you are doing. We look forward to getting to know you better. Much love.


05/06/2013 08:32 AM
vlmckeever
vlmckeever  
Posts: 105
Member

I agree you need to walk away for you and your daughter's sake. I am bipolar also and it gives me no right to treat my husband that way. You do not deserve it and your daughter absolutely doesn't. Being bipolar is difficult but we are still responsible for our own actions. I am so sorry that he is hurting you guys but as Jayna says you need to leave before you are hurt anymore. I will keep your family in my prayers.
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