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11/15/2007 03:33 PM

Spouses/SO of someone with Bipolar, A question(page 3)

jlh1956
jlh1956  
Posts: 396
Member

I have recently gone through a terrible time in my life, and I was devastated emotionally - what I found helps me is I put a list up on my refrigerator of inspirational thoughts that spoke directly to me - I look at that list every day, and it helps a lot. My list is:

Let Go and Let God -----He will work it out!!

The best things in life are not things

Self Respect is priceless

Change your thoughts and you change your world

I'm sure you can come up with your own list, but it really helps me a lot. Another thing I do to feel grounded and centered every day, is I bought a small cross with crystals in it that I sat on my bedside table. I pick that cross up every day and hold it to my heart and either say a prayer for gratitude or whatever my need is that day. It varies. I hold that cross the first thing in the morning and the last thing before I turn out the light. It is a great comfort to me. Hope these ideas help a little.

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11/16/2007 04:53 AM
Clover
CloverPosts: 182
Member

Although I would use Amida Buddha, there is a quote from Emerson that I love, "Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God". I have come to understand that the more I can stay still and listen to "voice" of Divinity, instaed of my own, the better decisions I make. It's like the "Let Go --Let God", the reduction in anxiety is huge and the increase in patience is remarkable!
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11/18/2007 07:51 PM
jlh1956
jlh1956  
Posts: 396
Member

There are some things that are just "too big" for us to handle and those things I turn over to God. He knows my heart better than I do and knows when I cannot handle it any longer - for example you cannot control another person, you cannot rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued, you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved - you can control yourself and how you feel about things and not be manipulated by other people's selfishness. If any of this applies to anyone, it is a truth that I believe. Let Go and Let God is a simple little phrase with a tremendous truth and impact if you stop, be quiet, and really think about it.
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11/19/2007 10:01 AM
hollyd

Your words are RIGHT ON! I keep positive affirmations and platitudes around me all the time. I had an opportunity this weekend to work through a moment of stress when I thought my partner might start an "episode".

I could see him getting aggravated and feel his tension. I started to get annoyed at him and caught myself and literally took a deep breath and told myself to just stay silent and see where it was going. I felt myself getting fearful so I took a time out and talked to my son and told him what I was feeling and that I was upset and fearful that my partner was going to start "spinning" and he said "Breath Mom,its ok, remember that you can control how you react so stay calm, it's ok."

Well, I did some deep breathing and I managed to stay calm. I told my partner that I felt he might be aggravated and he said he was but he was ok now and we let it go and everything was ok.

When I can remember to come from love and understand that this is not "him", its the disorder, it really works, at least for me. My biggest priority in all of this is watching how I react. Remembering to take that extra time to think before reacting. It's a huge difference. I believe my partner really appreciates that consideration. If it makes a difference then I'm happy to do it.

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11/19/2007 10:19 AM
heatherr
heatherr  
Posts: 395
Member

One saying I try to keep in mind (but it doesnt always work) is this:

Just because Im IN PAIN, doesnt mean I need to BE one....this also works for my SO, kids...pretty much anyone Smile

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11/19/2007 12:14 PM
Clover
CloverPosts: 182
Member

My husband has a little ditty that helps me (now that my meds help me NOT to get mad when he says it), if something starts to upset me, he'll say "be a duck, be a duck". I used to always say that I wish stuff didn't bother me, "just water off a duck's back". That is starting to happen, and I can hear that in my head now when I need to.
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11/19/2007 04:13 PM
sadtee
TerriTee  
Posts: 3989
VIP Member

All of you have described what I'm going through so well right now. After a month on new meds, my husband finally seems to have become stable. But has this made me feel better? No. Because I keep watching him too closely, reading too much into his every word and action, looking for a sign of when the moods will strike again. It's like I'm so glad that he's working around the house, but then is he working too much, and starting too many projects (manic)? Or, if he seems sad and stops working is it another depression? This is making me feel depressed and crazy. Will I ever feel safe and normal again?

Then, I start to blame myself. It's not his fault. He's doing everything he can to get well. Are there things about my behavior that set him off? What can/should I be doing differently? What's wrong with ME? So, you see, living with someone who doesn't quite perceive reality all the time tends to make the person who does doubt themself. It's like if this is how he feels and thinks, how can I be sure he's not the one that's right and I'm not the one that's wrong?

Hang in there everyone and keep trying to stay positive.

Terri

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11/19/2007 04:54 PM
Laur
 
Posts: 74
Member

Sadtee- It's called 'crazymakers' I don't like to use that term,BUT

That's what a therapist I used to see a long time ago told me.

When you live with someone who is (anything outside the norm)

My first husband was on drugs and eventually, very messed up from them. My current husband is in denial about his bipolar.

The 'out of the ordinary' behavior and circumstances I have found myself in because of these people have just about worn me out and have had me questioning my own sanity.

I am finally taking myself off the 'back burner' and taking care of myself.

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11/19/2007 09:13 PM
asimplegirl
 
Posts: 13
Member

wow I thought I was the only one to have gotten so mixed up in what seems to be nothing to my husband. They just diagnosed him two years ago, but he also drinks and a number of other problems. Plus was abused as a child. My mother in law keeps him worked up and I never get a moments piece. Sometimes I just wanna walk out get in the car and drive. I feel like it is to much to deal with but guilty as hell if I walked out on him.
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11/19/2007 09:19 PM
asimplegirl
 
Posts: 13
Member

you are not alone let me start by saying that. I have been where your at so many times. tonight my hubby is in the hospital or I couldn't be online I want so much for him. I tell myself not to take for granted the good days god gives us, cause there are way to few of those
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