Jeff

I am new to this forum and not sure how to post yet..hope it works.

My husband who I have been with for 11 years is a wonderful man. But something is definitely wrong with him.

I have been trying to explain his moods to my friends for years. Some days its like hes the most wonderful ever. Then the other side comes out suddenly. Its a Jeckel and Hyde syndrome. I have no idea what sets off his moods, could be something I did or said. This is what I use to do, make excuses for him all the time. I would say it was because I wasn`t paying attention to his needs and he was doing it to make me see.

Almost a decade of this crap has made me realize its not me its him. When he gets into these moods, there is nothing I can do to stop it. He says mean and horrible things to me. Tells me he wants a divorce, he should have never married me, hes packing all his stuff and moving to another city to get away from me. He is cold and his body is very stiff. He takes off ( in the past for days) kinda just wanders around looking for something better maybe?

I have beaten myself up for years because of this. I have tried to make him change , thinking it was something I could change. Its exhausting and very painful for me. His mother is Manic Depressive, he thinks manic depression and bi polar are not the same.

There is no way to talk to him about this, I have told him he has a problem and he has to see a doctor. I am sad and frustrated at this whole thing and I just wanna give up.

What can I do?

Nancy

Never argue with him, just walk away. Time to say enough is enough & evaluate the worth of the relationship. Only you know your limitations. Don't get lost in his disease or cruelty. Take care of yourself because you will never change him without intervention by a Professional Psychiatrist.

Welcome. This is a great place to get advise and understanding. Lots of great people here, both bipolar, and bipolar significant others, who are more than willing to share.

First of all, you probably picked "post reply", but might have been better off picking "start a new discussion", so that your topic isn't attached to this thread. No problem, you'll get the hang of it.

Now, what can you do? As far as making him change, probably nothing. It is totally up to him. If he doesn't want to get treatment for his BP, you can't force him. You can try to encourage him, and set boundaries, or limits, to what you will accept from him. And that's probably what you should concentrate on, yourself. Do what is best for you, like maybe getting some counseling. I ran myself ragged, when my wife was manic, and on the run, and portraying me as abusive, and demanding divorce. I couldn't sleep, or eat, and actually became depressed myself. I also tried to get her to accept the treatment she needed, but ultimately it had to be on her terms. So I took care of myself which in turn helped me take better care of our kids. So try thinking about your needs for now.

So, has your husband ever been diagnosed? Does he take any medication? If not, he should probably see someone to be evaluated.

Talk to you soon,

Paul

He will either stop saying it and shape up, or he will go. You might try marriage counseling if you want to do that. An objective third party's opinion may help you make the decision.

Evidently, neither of you are happy in the relationship. So get help to fix it or end it.

As far as this being a product of some bipolar behavior he is exhibiting, who knows? Without a consent by him to go and be evaluated and become compliant to treatment you may never know. But, you might want to proceed in getting the ball rolling to take care of yourself.

If he is bipolar he may get treatment and still not want to be married.

We are here for you, dear...keep posting.

I am sad and confused about what to do. I understand its either he does something or its over. I can`t keep doing this and making myself sick. I can`t sleep or eat either! I have headackes all the time. Its very draining and time consuming to try and deal with his moods. I hope in time I can make him see he needs help, I am waiting to see my doctor to get ref.to a couselor for help.

I`ll keep praying for a miracle and hoping he will get the help he needs.