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06/01/2008 06:15 PM

I dread Sunday's

lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
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For many, many years, Sunday's are always my most depressing day and I mean extremely depressing. Nothing looks good, no interest in anything, future looks bleak, no self confidence, fear that I won't pull out of it, etc. I attend church regularly, but nothing seems to help. I've brought this up in therapy a zillion times and we've dug and dug and can't find any specific baggage causing it so I don't know what to do. Anybody else have trouble with Sunday's or one particular day of the week???
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06/01/2008 06:33 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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I'm an Advocate

Yes, I do lobo, Sunday evening always heralds for me the end of the weekend and the beginning of another week. I think my dislike for it comes from when I was in grammar school and dreaded Monday. And I don't like evenings to begin with, it is when I get depressed. The feeling lifts about 9:00 or 10:00 pm. Monday at work is usually a circus and I never know who is going to call in sick, especially my drivers. Then we have to scramble to get materials delivered or miss a delivery. Monday is the problem with me...looming at the end of the sun going down on Sunday...

All of this sounds so gloomy...I am sorry, look on the bright side at least we are not in school anymore....LOL


06/01/2008 06:55 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
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I apprecciate the "gloomy" nature of your response...it makes me feel like someone understands. When I'm down like this the best responses for me are the type you did. And you're right, it starts lifting about now. I'm just tired and frustrated of feeling this way for so many years. One huge fear about losing my job and knowing in advance that it was going to happen is that I was scared to death that everyday was going to be a Sunday. Fortunately, that hasn't happened yet. But, that also may be because I have a potential job pending. If I don't get it then I don't know what's going to happen. Lord, I hope they don't turn into Sunday's. Go figure.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/01/2008 18:59


06/02/2008 03:59 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
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I think that I am with Norma on this one, Sundays to me, represent the ending of a time when I can do as I please and have to go back to doing what the boss pleases..

Find yourself something fun to do on Sundays, a pleasant trip somewhere, getting together with friends, something to lighten the day, don't think about Sundays as being bad days, think of them as good as soon they will be.


06/02/2008 04:41 AM
zinnia
zinniaPosts: 3990
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that's funny norma. mornings are my roughest time but not on sundays. on sundays, it's definitely the evenings when i get most depressed. it's the fear of what the week will bring for me. i never know what's going to happen and changes and surprises are tough for me. carmen-that's a positive attitude. i've decided i'm going to start treating sundays as the last day of the weekend to enjoy, instead of making my week longer by making it the first day of the week to dread...lol...what a solution. i guess i really am bipolar.

06/02/2008 07:38 AM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
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Thanks everyone. I usually make Sunday afternoons my movie day and that helps distract somewhat. Most of the time I do things in spite of how depressed I feel, but Sunday's are the worst day to motivate myself. I guess I'm going to have to muster interest somehow and as Nike says "Just do it". Thanks again.

06/10/2008 04:24 PM
chattycathy
Posts: 107
Member

The whole weekend depresses me. It has ever since college ended. Weekends are to be spent with either family or a significant other and I have never had either. Weekends are depressing and lonely for me. When I worked full-time I couldn't wait until Monday, when I could go to work and have purpose again. I would even come in to work over the weekends just so I could feel like I was doing something constructive for my future.

I don't fear weekends anymore. Now, each day holds an emptiness for me that never goes away. Each day which passes is a day closer to my death without ever having the husband and family which I so desperately yearned for. I spend every day preparing for death now, the same way I had spent every day before turning 50 preparing for my life to start. It never did. Last fall, I thought I finally was gonna start my life - in a new city with a wonderful man. But, as keeps happening to me, he wasn't as he represented himself and just disappeared one day as I was discovering this.

I am DONE believing that some miracle will save me from my fate. I need to try to organize my life and get things in a manageable condition because I will leave no heirs. I have been trying to prevent this from happening my ENTIRE life. Since I turned 25 and was unmarried and hardly ever having a boyfriend, I have felt like I was "marching toward impending doom" and now the doom is here and there is nothing I can do about it. I have done everything seemingly "right" and not made too many mistakes. I did not do the things others have done who find themselves with a similar fate. I am still in shock that this has happened to ME. I have worked hard in relationships, jobs and life in general. Really hard! There is no reason for it except bad karma. And, I dread every day and the upkeep of keeping my house clean, my dogs fed and healthy, my body thin, well-fed and in shape, my hair cut, my wardrobe up-to-date, my garden neat, my personal files up-to-date and organized. Half the time, I just let everything go and then have 6 months of stuff to do. (Like now.) And, then there's my mother's care and household and finances that I have to manage. And, this is my life until the universe comes and takes me. There is nothing to look forward to except watching my dogs and mother die and then being even more all alone.

Don't cha feel better now? All you are depressed with is Sundays!


06/10/2008 06:21 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
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chattycathy wrote:

Don't cha feel better now? All you are depressed with is Sundays!

Wronnnnng. I'm in the same boat. No heirs and plenty of disappointments. And you mention the word "purpose". Interesting you say that...I've spent the last two years intermittently bringing up that subject with a therapist. I too am in the unique position of being in my 50's with no family. People that have kids and grandkids or spouses may complain, but no matter how big a pain in the a** they are, they give purpose. For me work and a few friends is the only place I have purpose and that's pretty sad. Without purpose we have that looming thot of when is my life going to begin and is it still possible? I think it is. If all I get out of this life is two years of the "right stuff" I'll be plenty happy.

See, you ain't the only one.


06/10/2008 08:39 PM
chattycathy
Posts: 107
Member

Thanks lobo, for your candor. Everyone else on here just tells me to run to my shrink. My shrink even told me that there's little she can do for me. Antidepressants from the psychopharmacologist didn't help either. It;s because my issues are based in reality and I'm nor doing anything wrong at the present time. That's not to say that 20 years ago I didn't let some men slip through my fingers that I should have married. Well, one man anyway. Yup, I only found ONE who would probably made good husband material for me. He's been married for over 20 years (married the next girl he met - when they're ripe, they're ripe!), he has 4 kids and moved to a lovely part of the U.S. where his wife wanted to raise the kids. There were probably 3 others who were marriage material (and I dated THOUSANDS). Those three are also still married to their wives, but I was never attracted to them, so I don't think it would have worked out anyway. I would have always wondered if I should have held out for my soulmate.

All the other men that I dated are either divorced or never married, with the exception of one guy who married a little rich girl who I think supports him now.

I didn't date "bad boys" or losers. Most had Ivy league educations and came from what would be termed "good families". I thought by going for educated, successful men, that I would avoid the multiple divorces my mother had. ( I am an illegitimate child from a crappy background - I thought I could escape my caste because I was brilliant and beautiful - WRONG!)

Can you imagine what it felt like for me to have been manipulated into thinking that I had finally met my "counterpart" at the age of 51! It wasn't perfect, but as he used to say "better late than never". Then to discover, after he disappeared *poof* with no warning or discussion, that he was just another narcissist/sociopath and suspected BP-II (unmedicated)? I've been through 7 months of complete HELL!

You were married for 18 years. If you wanted kids, you could have had them. Were you too screwed up back then?? I never had a chance. With regard to "purpose", a lot of folks never wanted kids. A lot of folks just want to travel and work and have exciting short-term affairs (and they are all on the internet looking for someone to "sip wine while watching the sun set" LOL). A husband, home and children are ALL I ever wanted . I have been gearing myself for it since I was 10 years old. I mean, seriously, how many 10 year olds clip recipes for "after school treats" to feed their children *someday*? Well, *someday* is now here and I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I do dog rescue, but now even that depresses me because I feel like one of the dogs that just can't make it out of the pound and is going to be put to death even though she is a good dog, a pretty dog, a helpful dog, a smart dog. It's just that no one appreciates her qualities. No one ever has. And, she finally found a master who appreciated her, but it wasn't real and he just dumped her back in the dog pound again.


06/10/2008 08:58 PM
lobo
lobo  
Posts: 451
Member

With BP plus isolation plus difficult circumstances it's easier many times to live defeated. However, if I go down then it will be swinging and I'm too stubborn or have too much pride to let life beat me. Nobody knows what it's like to walk in another's shoes, but after reading some horrific profiles of people that have endured and survived many atrocities it seems to me that hope can survive even under the worst of circumstances. As my sig says, we lose when we quit so the idea is not to ever give up or worse yet, never give up or quit on ourselves.

With this damn disorder those of us that battle things on the lower end also can suffer from self absorption and defeatism while those that live predominantly in the manic stages apparently battle irritability and intolerance and feeling bulletproof...both ends of this spectrum have self defeating traits and it seems to me that half the battle is learning to cope with and manage them and hopefully live somewhere in the middle. With enough work we'll all hopefully get there.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/10/2008 21:00

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