NARCISSISTIC

HAS ANYONE LOOKED UNDER NARCISSISTIC. THIS IS AN ART.

THERE ARE 5 STEPS, HOW PEOPLE THAT HAVE NPD TAKE THEIR VICTIMS. IT HAS SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS OF BPD AND BP. AFTER READING HOW NPD WORK, NO THINGS MAKE SENSE. I GOOGLE NPD IT IS REAL INTERESTING. AND ALOT OF WHAT PEOPLE HAVE POSTED SOUND LIKE THE SYMPTOMS OF NPD. THESE PEOPLE ARE QUITE EASY TO SPOT.

think about that...someone who cannot feel someone elses feelings, thru compassion, is very capable of doing some extreme hurts and behaviors to those they supposedly "love".

There is also something called "narcisstic supply"...this is where they basically suck the life out of their victims, almost like a vampire does...there is a website and i think you can find it if you put in Sam Vaknin, or sometimes just narcissim....anyway, it is the biggest website I have seen...you can find out so much.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 05/31/2008 23:03

for lobo specifically, be glad you did not marry her and she was only a girlfriend...and you are still rocked by the behavior!! yes...they are brutal to be with.

I am also in the emotional abuse group here, and he is the reason why. I knew nothing much made sense when trying to discuss something, and basically there never could BE a discussion.....it was just either done, or not done.

He made me feel stupid, and that I did not know how to handle life, only he knew how, and everything I did was wrong, even the fact I exercised, I would get berated for sticking to my exercise program...I got berated for keeping the house "too clean"....he never helped, and only did EXACTLY as he wanted. Vacations and restaurants...all were his choosing.

I do not remember a time I was made to feel I was #1 in his life. I kept TRYING....trying to change HIM...little did I know, you cannot change anyone, much less a NPD.

By the end of the marriage, remember it was a long marriage....27 years....he had gotten and sucked out almost all of me, and I had such lack of faith in any decisions I might make, that it is only now when I have issues and problems I do not feel the need to run them past several people to get THEIR opinion on how I should handle whatever situation arises....talk about CO DEPENDENT.....big time, that is me, and that is the only reason I could have stayed through such a tortuous relationship for so long. I give Genre, I think that is who started this post, a huge hug and have admiration she is getting out after ONLY SIX MISERABLE years!!!

yippee for her....I can go on and on...sorry this is so long, but I am still feeling the need to share, and luckily, alot of it is behind me. Just the sick residue of lack of trusting my own judgement...but I am getting that recovery now.

I'll say it again, these folks use the old technique of keep your hound dogs hungry and they'll keep coming back and abuse is almost always a last ditch effort to control and it sounds like all of us have had our share. But, we signed up for it and stayed in until we saw the light. I too am glad that genre has seen the light after only six years and not 18, like you know who.

The reside does haunt you though...hopefully enough to not repeat it, but not so much that we get paralyzed by it or taint good relationships.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 06/02/2008 17:41

tertap

He was like an emotional VAMPIRE! He was CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING about all the "wrongs" done to him by his ex-wife, his kids, his employers ... you name anyone, and they did something bad to him. I was SOOOOO sympathetic. He convinced me that he was my soulmate. That I was the "love of his life", his "true beloved", etc. He called me his "an-gel" in a sing-songy way that made me cringe after a while. I started to feel that there was gonna be a LOOOONG fall off of the pedestal he had put me on.

Well, during a 2 week trip to his state where I stayed with him, I started noticing that things were not as he represented them. I started confronting him about things. I even used the word "narcissistic" - OH Boy! He grew morose and moody, unaffectionate (when before he was overly so) - the "I love you's" were not as forthcoming and he was just a "different" person - very hard to describe to my friends who had met him and thought he was so terrific. He was also a BIG faker as he is a doctor and acted like he was SOOOO sympathetic towards his patients.

I was his PRIMARY source of NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY and he felt "cut off" when I started uncovering the truth, so I HAD TO GOOOOO!! He has a married female friend who is his other "source" and she really doesn't know who he is - he spread rumors that I didn't like his kids and he had to break up with me, when the truth is HE doesn't give a rat's ass about his kids - except to parade them around as "self-objects" and cover his walls with photos of them. He also had huge pics of ME all over the place when I first went to see him - after only knowing him for 3 weeks! That was a red flag, if ever there was one!

Now, he is surfing the web on a dating site looking for other sources of Narcissistic Supply.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STARTING THIS POST!! IT IS A RELIEF TO SEE THAT OTHERS HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS AND THAT THERE IS A "NAME" FOR IT. Somehow, putting a "name" to it makes me feel better.

My mother does the same thing - when she loses supply from me or a friend, she scrounges for new people to give her sympathy and believe her bullsh*t!! And, of course, she always blames those who are closest to her for whatever is wrong now. I ruined her life by being born, so I am primed to fall victim to other narcissists even though I look for the signs and try to avoid them. By the time I really figure out what the deal is, it is usually too late and I am already involved.

Post edited by: chattycathy, at: 06/03/2008 22:32

how long were you together? I am glad you have wised up. You are way ahead of most people (me!!!) hahaha.