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07/02/2012 12:43 PM

Lesbian bipolar relationship, help!

Posts: 3
New Member

I began dating her in October 2010 , we met through an online site. Everything was fabulous, she told me early on that she was bipolar but I thought for the most part she really had her act together. She is beautiful and we had a lot of chemistry. In January 2011, I had a lot of family stress going on with me, I ended things with her and immediately regretted it. I wanted desperately to talk with her but she completely shut me out. I never stopped thinking of her, I went to therapy myself, family situation finally worked itself out and that is still all good.

I would try to contact her from time to time and always be ignored.

Almost a year to the day of having broken up with her, I randomly texted her, sent her a picture of us that I still had on facebook. I had pretty much spaced it out due the fact that I was so use to being ignored but when I woke up the next morning she had actually replied. She told me that Schmoo Schmoo (her favorite cat of the 6 she had) had died. That's all she said but she actually replied.

I told her I was very sorry and we began texting here and there. We mostly talked about music as we are both huge fanatic freaks of Madonna and tori amos.

Madonna was to appear at the super bowl and she actually invited my brother and I up to her place to watch it (we live almost 4 hours apart).

She made it very clear that my brother had to come, that she was not ready for just me and I understood and was perfectly fine with that.

Upon arriving she almost immediately began flirting with me, I was very shocked and glad my brother was there as a witness!

We stayed up all night while brother slept, she had made it clear beforehand that we were to sleep on the couch but she eventually asked me to lie in bed with her but to behave.

Now I've always known she was a little bit of a crazy cat lady but since Schmoo has died, she has gone to extremes. She actually traps feral cats, has them spayed or neutered and either releases them or tries to have them adopted out. This is a great cause, I'm not dissing it but she is extreme and very obsessed nowadays with this.

Anyway, we trapped 4 cats that night, it was actually pretty fun and I really enjoyed how happy it made her.

We then began hanging out every weekend for at least 8 or 9 weeks in a row.

I ended up adopting a cat from her, although I really honestly am not a cat person. But I did it for her and it is a good cause.

We eventually began having sex and things were better than I could have ever hoped for having been ignored for a year.

I went up one weekend, we were in her bathroom tending to a foster cat, I was brushing her hair upon request. While sitting on the toilet she started scooting closer to me so I reached out to grab her closer to me. My left hand accidentally grabbed her left breast, (she has implants) and she said "ow, you break them, you buy them!" I said I was sorry and really it wasn't even that hard.

The next day we were going to take the cats to the vet and then give them to a couple for adoption. Before we left she had a bra on the table and said she wanted to wear it but it had been hurting her boob. She put it on anyway and was frantically taking it off in the car before we got to the vet because it was hurting her.

The rest of our weekend was amazing and I was so happy things were going so well.

As I was driving home she kept calling me and with each call kept saying her boob hurt more and more, now she was looking for a doctor...

It was a couple of days later when she asked me what were we doing when I put all of her body weight onto her boob.

She went to the docto and apparently I severely injured or

tore the capsule surrounding the implant. Yeh, right. But I accepted responsibility and apologized. Everything spiraled downwards after that.

She was extremely angry at me, blocked my number, sent me an email telling me I am not where I should be in life at my age, so on and so forth!!

but then asked me to come up there and help her out, which I did for at least 2 or 3 more weekends.

She swore up and down she would have to have surgery and she even dropped one of her two classes over it without knowing for sure.

But we kept talking and I just hoped things would improve. We stopped having sex. I haven't seen her since late March. We talked about our relationship and she said she just wanted to go slow, I said if that's really what you want then that is fine so we planned on dating I assumed?

On April 16th she asked me to pay off the cats adoption fee, which I had set up a payment plan for. I told her I made a payment and she was pissed that the balance wasn't zero. She even blocked me AGAIN!!

the next morning at work I received an email from her that she only wanted to be friends with me, was not sexually attracted to me but she thinks I am a great person blah blah blah.

I texted her 3 times none of them were negative, I was heartbroken and confused.

Later in the day she told me to stop contacting her.


I finally told her I did not want the cat because he reminded me of her, that induced a rage that I have never witnessed! She called me every name in the book!

I finally gave up, she was being mean. I actually arranged to meet someone new to try and move on, this was the following Sunday. Low and behold that same day she texts me that she has a cat for me. Then she called 3 or 4 times. Needless to say I could not give new girl any attention due to being screwed up by this.

We began talking again, we didn't speak about our relationship. I had emailed her something long asking if last week was due to bipolar, that I just want to understand, support and love her. She never acknowledged my email and she had finals so I wasn't pushing it, didn't want to stress her out. Now comes May, finals are over and she wants me to come get another cat, I agreed to it but I really needed to know where I stood before seeing her so the day I was suppose to go up there we spoke on the phone and finally discussed it, she basically told me that nothing was going to happen, she didn't know why I was confused on and on. Well, I don't know why I was confused either. You're calling me 10 times a day, all hours.. anyway, I hung up on her and said screw it. I felt good about my decision and was not sad. She immediately began texting me insults... what a piece of shit I was over the cat, that im being a bitch because I am rejected. Blah blah blah. I just kept saying ok.

I blocked her number and overnight 2 days later she had texted 2 times but idk what they said. I told her to just leave me alone. Which started world texting war 3.

We said really really awful things to one another.

she was psychotic and not even making sense, threatening me and everything. That was on and off for a few days and I just kept telling her to leave me alone.

the next Monday I woke up to an email from her, once again wanting me to get another cat. I was like OMG! really? I told her she could bring it to me. Oh and at some point during this she accused me of ratting her out to her landlord for having too many cats so now she has to move ... so those were another set of fun texts.

She did not want to bring me the cat, she wanted to meet me half way or me go all the way. Like I've said I'm not really a cat person so I don't really care. My cat could use a buddy but come on now.. jesus.

She didn't like anything I had to say, I told her I would not insult her anymore, I did care for her. She just bad mouthed me. Once again, I try to meet someone to start moving on, I actually had really high hopes about this girl until I actually met her and she turned out to be about 300 pounds :-/

Anyway, I eventually changed my phone number, and decided I will just have fun this summer. Screw women, I felt fine and just pretty much ok for real.

So one friday morning while at break at work I get the email I NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE EXPECTED!!i

Now I am the love of her life, now she's on her meds , she would be the luckiest girl in the world if I would be with her again! Everything I have wanted to hear from her for over a year. Only, is this a trick?? How do I really feel now? I was doing ok without her.

I thought about it for some time, talked to my friends about it.. I finally responded, "it would be nice if you were serious." She said she was. I finally broke down, gave her my new number, we talked for a little while then she pretty much started to ignore me. Keep in mind I am use to her calling at all hours several times a day when we aren't together so now I am the love of her life and barely nothing??

She told me she was irritated and stressed due to having to move and I tried really hard to be patient and wait it out but things just weren't right. No communication. Nothing. This past Wednesday I texted to see if she was busy or irritated and did she want to call that day. She said, "whatev." I had even donated 100 dollars so she could trap pregnant cats and she never even called to talk about that..? So Wednesday, I texted that. She was rude. She asked what did I want to talk about and I jokingly said politics and religion to which she said no thanks and sent that twice. I called, left a voicemail saying I wanted to know if she caught any cats, found a place to move, needed help, just talk in general.

She sent the no thanks txt again. I said I guess you didn't mean what you said in your email. THEN she finally tells me she is in class, to knock it off, she can't deal with MY tantrums. I had no idea. Why did she even respond while in class? So she was really rude and I was really hurt, I even cried. So it is just like she wanted to turn this around to where I would be hurt like last year?? Well, congratulations, it worked.

I need a psychic and a psychiatrist. Really. This girl has screwed my brain up so bad, I think I am probably crazier for just not walking away!

I emailed her last night, asked her to call me if she wanted a relationship, told her if I didn't hear from her then I would know she never meant any of the nice things she said.. guess what? She never contacted me.

Just needed to get my story out, I know it is a million miles long. Help, comments please.


07/02/2012 03:20 PM
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

it sounds like this woman doesn't know what she wants, so my advice is to move on. Her back and forth is just confusing and hurting you. In all sincerity, you deserve better. You deserve someone who wants to be with you all of the time.

Big hugs.

07/02/2012 04:08 PM
Posts: 13320
Group Leader

crazy can be contagious.

welcome to the group.

07/02/2012 06:35 PM
Posts: 3
New Member

Hurtful, confusing and crazy for sure. I feel like she will ignore me for awhile. Or always. Who knows. I'll do my best to get over it.

07/05/2012 09:28 AM
Posts: 3
New Member

I called her yesterday. She had me blocked. I texted her happy 4th and to not contact me anymore because she doesn't know what she wants. She replied,"dumb ass. I know exactly what I want, a partner that is not an idiot."

And pretty much admitted that the love of my life email was just a trick.

So bipolar or just plain evil?

This whole experience with her has just been quite unbelievable.

07/18/2012 06:30 PM
Posts: 82


I just saw your post and I can relate. I am also a lesbian who has been involved with a woman with Bipolar for four years (on and off). It has been very emotionally confusing and hurtful. She has gone back and forth MANY times in four years and that can be extremely damaging to a person. This April she told me how deeply she loved me and several weeks later she dumped me and told me that she doesn't love me. I understand how crazy that can make a person feel. You are not alone. I am now trying my best to move on with my life. She has cut me out and I know it is in my best interest to heal from the damage. Take care of yourself and work on building and nurturing the healthy relationships in your life. I have spent a lot of time trying to rationalize what my ex said and did. It has only left me feeling quite baffled and crazy. I have to remind myself that you cannot rationalize the irrational. I wish you the best.


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