Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Hello everyone! Its nice to meet all of you! My name is hannah. I have been dating someone living with unmedicated bipolar for 5 months and it has been literally one of the most stressful times I have ever had. I am a college student majoring in music education and my life is pretty stressfull because of it. And having a bipolar boyfriend doesn't make it much better. My Life is a rollercoaster with him.Whenever he is depressed it is the most misereable time in the world and i have had to talk him off the ledge 3 times so far. That alone is one of the most scary things I have ever had to go through.

I love him to death, literally no one else i have ever met can make me as happy as he does and I honestly want to spend a very long time with him. One of my main problems with him is when he depressed or in his angery-manic phase. He will say a lot of things that really hurt. He say a lot when he is one of those two phases that he doesnt love me or he has doubts about it. This part kills me so much. I know he does not really mean it and it is his Bipolar that is talking and making him have those thoughts but i am loosing the ability to shake it off simple because those moments are happening more frequently. And once he is out of his phases it is like the words he said never even happend. He said he was sorry but that frankly does not cut it for me anymore. and Everytime i try to bring this up to him he gets offended and says things like "im sorry i do everything wrong" or "I am sorry I am not good enough" which of course makes me feel like a terrible person and say never mind its okay.

One last thing is we are currently in a fight right now and He is refusing to talk to me or see me. I cannot live this way because our argument ended pretty badly, almost like we were going to break up. That is the last possible thing I want. I want to talk to him more than anything but i feel if i try and contact him it will make things worse. I just miss him so much and this whole not talking thing is not working for me.

He needs medical assistance, medication and therapy or the roller coaster will continue. My girlfriend has been bipolar for all of her adult life and keeps it in check with monthly therapy visits and relentless adhering to medication. Even with all of this, she will still have moments, but that's what they are, moments. She is very open and will tell me when something is going on and I have learned to spot when something is not. The key is that he will have to want to get help, or he will not get better. I feel for you, please make sure you take care of yourself too.

Welcome Hanna

I was engaged to my bf. we recently decided to just be bf and gf. That was a hard decision due to us being together for 11 years... After his horrible attacks I had to reevaluate and my parents wanted me to wait due to him being angry. Actually pretty violent with us all.. After his last episode I had to admit him again into the hospital this time for 3 weeks... Sadly I came to the decision we needed to wait on getting married and when he was discharged he could not live in our apartment... This will be a stressful situation and more to come if he doesn't agree to have help. My bf tells me he understands that if I leave it's for my own sanity. Don't feel as if you have to be in this situation. You did not mention your age but, this is a illness that does get worse over time as I have close friends n family members with it... I am not saying leave now but, educate yourself see a therapist as well mine is very very helpful and his advice was pray and let God show us the path and do what is best for yourself not for your other half because you have to be healthy too. I have come here to have people encourage me and answer questions that confuse me with this illness you will find support with us all. I have.. I will keep you in my prayers please feel free to pm me or message me.. <3 <3

If he will not get on meds I don't think there is anything you can do but look out for yourself. I know letting go of someone we love is hard, but from someone who has been married to a person with BP for 15 years, I realize I should have left years ago, never should have had kids with him probably should have never married him. I still love him. When he's normal he still gives me those good kind of butterflies in my tummy. But my life has been hell and my kids lives have been hell. I know that's probably not what you want to hear and I am sure others have stories that are more hopeful than mine, but if he's not going to get help then he's not going to get better. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life as stressed as you've been the past 5 months?

Why is your BF unmedicated? If he doesn't find the right meds and take them religiously, nothing is going to get better. Your life with him will always be a roller coaster ride of the worst kind - like those old wooden roller coasters that clank, clank, clank along then suddenly drop straight down or go into a loop.

There is no excuse for him saying mean things to you and you shouldn't tolerate it. He knows that he does it and he says that he's sorry, but he doesn't show you that he wants to stop doing it. If he really wanted to stop he'd start treatment instead of trying to get by with his bad behavior by making you feel bad.

I know what I"m talking about because I spent 20+ years as an undiagnosed, untreated bipolar person and it was hell, for me and for my husband. Having bipolar disorder means that some of our behavior is beyond our control but that just means that we have to get treated for it. It doesn't mean that we get to throw up our hands and say "sorry, I can't help it". Yes we can help it.

We can see a pdoc regularly and take the meds prescribed exactly as prescribed. We can get counseling to learn how to react better to our triggers and to handle our stress. We can eat and sleep on a schedule. There's a lot that we can do to be stable and IMHO there is no excuse for not doing it all. We have to be responsible for our illness and do everything in our power to be stable.

At the risk of offending you, you are not helping your BF or yourself by tolerating his bad behavior. That just enables him to keep doing exactly what he's doing. That is not going to change your situation.

IMHO, you need to lay down the law with him. Make him choose between being ill and being with you. I know it's a hard thing to have to do, but giving him an ultimatum will allow you to find out which one of you he loves more: his illness or you. If he chooses his illness, you can walk away knowing that nothing you did would have helped him.

If he chooses you, he'll start meds and therapy. Then he will deserve the love that you are so anxious to give him. But why throw your life away on someone who isn't making any effort to be well? That's like pouring your love into a bottomless pit. You'll drain yourself dry without ever filling that hole up.

Love can't help someone with bipolar to get better. All the love in the world can't cure it. Meds and therapy are the only things that are going to make him better.

I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but what I am telling you is the truth as I know it.

Big hugs.

verbal abuse and emotional abuse is a choice.

he is making that choice

i am sorry that you are being abused.

its not your fault

it is not for you to fix

you cant fix this

nor can love fix this.

welcome to the group nobody joins on purpose