My almost 9 year marriage has come to an end. A month ago my husband went full blown manic, while still on his med's. He'd been hiding his sickness from me. He worked from home and I worked all day outside of the home. He started talking about leaving the country one night, which had happened previous times he went manic. I got him into see a doctor, but it was by force. He did his good boy routine for the doc's and they sent him home with a medication adjustment and a follow up appt for the next week.
The house was full of tension. He was mad at me for making him go to the doc's and wouldn't give up the talk of leaving the country. It came down to him telling me that if I wouldn't help him get there, I was against him. I told him I would not even talk about it until his med's had a chance to take affect and I could be sure I wasn't talking to the BP.
Two days later he started a huge fight with me. I tried to talk him down, but it did no good. It ended with him telling me he would start the house on fire and watch it burn with all of us in it (we have pets). He was refusing to take any medications including the med's the doc gave him to help him calm down. I told him he either took his med's and went and laid down, or I would have no choice to call 911. I could see it in his eyes the BP had taken over and he really would burn the house down. He made his choice of me calling 911. He was taken from the house by the RCMP and to the hospital where unbelievable he fooled them again and they released him. I was just too scared to have him at the house, so I had to get a protective order against him.
I've been through alot with him, as I am sure a lot of us here have with our SO's. But this was the first time I really believed he would hurt me.
I asked him for a divorce, in which he promised me the world if I would change my mind. It was hard but I stuck to my guns. I also then found out that he had started an online relationship with someone from the country he had wanted to go to. Again this is the cycle of his manic. We had went through a similar episode at the beginning of our marriage, which did lead to his diagnoses. I gave him a second the first time. I couldn't do it again, even knowing he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't sick. But I finally realized, what about me???
I couldn't go the rest of my life worrying about the next time he hid his sickness. And what would happen that time. I had given so much of what I wanted out of life up for him. It was because I loved him, but I still gave those things up. And why wasn't he doing everything he could to be as well as possible?
I have not changed my mind about the divorce, but since he moved back home, I have talked to him everyday. And I miss my husband,the one who wasn't manic. But I still see him falling back into old habits. Now he hides his symptoms from his parents instead of me.
It is so hard to let go of a marriage that you put so much of yourself into. I always thought that if we divorced I wouldn't love him anymore, but I was wrong. I still love him so much. He has been my best friend for 10 years, and both of us are trying to keep that part of our relationship. He isn't fighting me on the divorce either. He says he understands I have to do what is best for me too. Somehow that makes me feel worse.
I will say I feel a lot of guilt. I took very seriously the "in sickness and in health" and I know there are people that think I just gave up on my marriage. But they don't know that he is BP and they don't know how much of myself I put into trying to make him better, but I realized that just cause I want it doesn't mean he is able to do what needs to be done.
I mourn the lose of what we had. I don't mourn the lose of the ups and downs of bipolar. I don't feel anyone in my life understands what I am going through. To them it should be a clear choice. Divorce him and move on. I agree with the divorce, but how do you let go. Are there others that have kept a relationship with their ex SO. Him and I joke that we will have very unique divorce, but are there others like us?
