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01/24/2012 05:56 PM

I'm new and looking for help

Posts: 2
New Member

Hi guys,

I just found this website at the behest of my fiancé. She has been diagnosed bipolar 1. A bit of background on the situation, we have been together for 9 years, and we have been through hell and back together in that time. We used to play off each other perfectly. This relationship was truly wonderful, but things have changed. Now I have known that she was bipolar for a while, but it had never been this bad. There has always been more depression than mania in her life and medication managed it relatively well. Recently her manic episode landed her in the mental hospital, this traumatized her and now she thinks she may have PTSD. Admittedly this last manic episode was the worst I have seen with full blown psychotic features.

She has always been a loving and caring person, but after this last episode she has changed. She is angry all the time, judgmental, even cruel. I try to talk to her about it and it immediately turns into a fight. Now I am not an idiot, I am a professional in the field, but treating a patient and living with a moody/angry person are 2 different things. It feels as if the loving and caring person I fell in love with never came home.

Now she does take her meds willingly. The doctor has been extremely cooperative with everything she requests, I have releases of information for her doctors so that is completely transparent. However, she has had issues with addiction in the past abusing alcohol, marijuana, Ambien, morning glories and recently it came out that she had cheated on me 5 years ago and had some serious issues with second life. Now she has started up with marijuana again, insisting that she is just using it to help her anxiety (she has proper anxiety meds prescribed from the doctor).

Please don't think me stupid. I am mindful enough to realize that I am a caretaker. I try to help (or save) those around me at the expense of myself, it's not a good thing and I am working on it. I truly love her with all my heart, but how much pain does a person need to take? Any insight would be appreciated.


01/24/2012 06:13 PM
sososad51Posts: 2390
VIP Member

Welcome to the group noone wants to join on purpose. This relationships are difficult. Yes, you are right, the amount of caretaking you have to do for the SO is much more than the average partner. Only you can decide what your tolerance level is and is enough is enough for you. Keep posting & read the stories on here. Gain some perspective. We are glad you are here. Welcome.

01/24/2012 07:33 PM
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

My opinion, as both a person with bipolar disorder and a wife is that caretaking is a wonderful thing, as long as you are appreciated for it. If the person you are caretaking does not appreciate what you do, then you really need to think about your own health and self-esteem. You should ask yourself if the effort you are putting into her care is worth it.

Having bipolar disorder is not a license to abuse anyone, especially your SO.

Self-medicating with marijuana is a very bad idea for someone with bipolar disorder. Studies show that it can increase paranoia and anxiety in bipolar patients. Plus, it does not interact well with our meds. She may be completely undoing the effects of her medication.

01/24/2012 09:17 PM
Posts: 2
New Member

Thank you for the support and insight. I have been taking care of her for a long time now and she is turning it into something else, where she picks and chooses what i have to do to take care of her and if I do something not on her list I am suddenly smothering her and too needy. She has even stated that I need a second girlfriend more than once.

The marijuana is troubling, but I have had that fight before and I am not sure I could take it again.

02/10/2012 05:14 AM
Posts: 43

Welcome to the group. I have been dealing with the rollercoaster for years now, it is just about broken me. My friends say that my soul is gone.I have tried everything from doctor's to therapist's for him but he won't do the work it takes to be normal and nice. He sleeps a LOT and then he is mean and hateful and lazy and rude. I have gotten to the point where this crazy illness has ruined my life, think about what you are in for,drugs are a bad omen with this disease. She is heading for a train wreck, do you want to pickup the pieces for the rest of your life? Good luck it is not an easy think to think about. I know how much it hurts a person's heart. I never thought I would be thinking about leaving,but now I have to after 27 years. So very sad.

02/10/2012 07:05 AM
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

"how much pain does a person need to take?"

One can take the pain until the wheels fall off

and they will fall off.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

The weed is undoing all the effects of her meds.

It is not called *smart*

it is called DOPE.

Welcome to the group.

keep posting

let us know what you think.


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