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09/28/2010 06:50 PM

please someone advise me im falling apart(page 3)

rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

harry1

He refuses to take meds??? This will not work without the meds. I proomise. It will not work. He is joking you need to get over it??? He ripped out your heart and trashed it .. he cried .. you helped .. and he thinks you should get over it???? This is so classic BP behaviour and it is unacceptable. You have to think about this. This will be your life.

My ex alwasy did this. He did it so many times. He would try to make light of the fact he had just bashed in my heart and soul. In his world, it's all black and white and he cannot recognize this is not how everyone else lives. He would say *why can't you forgive?* about 15 minutes after calling me a c**t and walking out the door.

harry1 .. please think about the advice you get here. Love is not enough. He needs medication. Insist on it, and see if he cares enough for you and the relationship to take responsibility. Mine took meds, then he dumped them .. typical. But, at least I can say I gave him that chance.

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09/28/2010 06:56 PM
frazzled

I'm so sorry to hear you hurting like this. I know what you are saying.... they put you through hell... yet it's unbearable to let go. You are not alone... there are many on here who go through these feelings.

I only read a few posts on here, but if you can't stop him from going, and they do, go from being happy then all of a sudden wanting out.... the only thing you can hope for is he will realize when he is gone, and he probably will that he made a big mistake and will come back. But, you could be going back and forth on this forever. He sounds like he is manic. Is he on medication and maybe he needs it adjusted.

I've been married for 20 years with two children. If I had known before I got married that it would be so difficult at times.... I would have not gotten married. I'm not sure... but your not married? I know this is not the advice you want to hear... but do you want to go through this off and on for the rest of your life. Bipolar is like this. Please think this through.


09/28/2010 07:03 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

harry

I think you said he refuses to take meds?


09/29/2010 03:37 AM
harry1
harry1Posts: 57
Member

Hi rch- yes he refuses point blank. He 'loves his bipolar more than me'. That phrase he said last week keeps repeating over and over in my head. He has called me a c*nt too so many times. frazzled, thanks x and i am going to take your advice on board. I tried to talk to him last night, about him telling me we had no future together and basically if something better came along (like the opportunity to live abroad) he would up and go without giving me a second thought (this bit was during a manic episode). He wasn't interested in talking. He said he never ever wants children and he never never wants to get married. That I need to accept that. I never thought these things were important to me, but now i have been told he would never let me have them, they are. I could put my life on hold for him for him to disappear in the future. I'm going to give this a month to see how i feel, but i dont really feel anything anymore. What's the point?! x

09/29/2010 01:52 PM
kat27
 
Posts: 83
Member

Sometimes I feel like I am more numb than my BP husband. I just close myself off so much that Im locked inside a box. Its really not a fun way to live. If your man refuses to get on meds, it is unfortunate, but it will probably be best for your sanity to let him go. I agree with frazzled that had I known my husband would do these things to me/our kids, I wouldnt have married him. But, like many here, our significant other didnt show symptoms or wasnt diagnosed until after we were together. I still love my husband, even through his disease, but some days I do wonder why.

09/29/2010 04:19 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

My husband was diagnosed after we got married. I left him 2 years after we got married, and 1 year after diagnoses. I gave it 1 year. I told him at the start, if you take meds and level out and we start to be happy, then I can stay. He refused to stick with his promises .. I had already left once and he begged me to return saying he would take the meds. Well, he lied. he just lied and lied. The 1 year point came, and out the door I went. It hurt. But, it is no life to live with an unmedicated and defiant manic man.

09/30/2010 08:41 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13306
Group Leader

my so is addicted to his mania. yes, "he loves his mania more than he loves me".

my so was dx shortly after we were married. i believe he knew, i believe he had a history, and did not disclose it. that in itself is wrong. omg,,,i will take my meds will probably happed at the same time as it did last year..after the first snow fall. that means.."i have been high as F*** for months on mania and beer, it is cold out now...and i need a place to spend the winter".


09/30/2010 12:13 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

Ok living..I also suspect my so knew he was manic and did not disclose this to me. I have 2 people in my life who pointed this out to me. One said it seems like he was medicated and stopped taking meds .. I think now, that he was medicated when I met him, and soon after he dropped it all. He is now saying he is not bp and does not need meds (and I know he is trying to see new women). He is doing it all again. He said he wanted a 'clean slate' so he could go ahead with his life as a non bp person. Some new person is about to ruin her life, thinking he is ok. Because, at first, he can seem so ok. At a kind of distance. He seems exciting, handsome, successful, fit, charming .. He did admit once, that his previous wife told him there was something wrong and he needed a diagnoses, and he said he tried meds but they did not work. She was a nurse. She left him after 7 years of suffering. Now, he claims those meds were anti depressants. I said *why that? You seem manic not depressed*. He had no answer to that. He told me (after he got the lithium) that he knew his family were bipolar .. uncles, brother, daughter. I asked if it had occurred to him ever, that he was bp? Again, no answer. His mother told me she knew that he had a mental health issue, and she had wanted to tell me before I married him. However, her husband had said to mind her own business. She apologized after the fact, and said she knew this all along. How did she know, if he did not??? Anyway, it is becoming clear to me that he knew. I believe that people should not mind their own business. I married this person at 52 years of age, after living my entire life as a single person and happy. He made me miserable and I lost this time in my life. I am strong and will heal, but how awful to do this to a person! marry them and not tell ..

09/30/2010 12:32 PM
Rollercoaster2969
Posts: 250
Member

Story of my life Harry and so many others on here. When they are acting cold and saying those horrible things, they actually mean it at the time. But, his love for you will come out when he crashes and he WILL realize what he has done, and like me, you will take him back because you will believe he has changed and is sorry (because he truly will be).

If I would have done what I am doing now, years ago, maybe things would be better between us. He left again, after 20 yrs together, and I said goodbye. He is begging to come back, I said no. Now, he is in counseling, on meds and doing everything he should have done years ago. Will I take him back? Not quite sure yet. I don't feel the same anymore after years of abuse. And yes, it is abuse what he is doing to your self esteem.

If you want a life with this man, expect roller coasters, but you have to nip it in the bud NOW about what he can and can NOT do to you. He has to take care of his own mental health before he can treat you the way you deserve. Period. Don't let his fancy talk fool you when it happens, because it will...


09/30/2010 12:39 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13306
Group Leader

In this State, it is grounds for annulment of the marriage within a set time.( one year )

Oh yeah, I know it rch. I was married for three years. The last two years were horrible. Yes, my MIL knew and did not tell me . His family keeps the secret for him.

Oh Yeah, I see that middle aged woman stepping in front of a bus. Honey, mind your own business and be quiet about it. Now, lets watch her get hit by the bus and say sorry we didnt tell ya bout it...hubby told me to mind my own business. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

I call B.S.

This s*** is passive as hell.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 09/30/2010 12:40 PM

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