Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I changed some small account things to my name and took his cards off others. I just need to put my name on my cell phone account.

I don't think I will put the utilities in my name until divorce settlement/support goes through. I will call the DV hotline tomorrow and ask them. They will probably say to go for an emergency child/spousal support court order.

I know that these things seem really small and stupid to think of as big steps but my second husband who also suffered from BP BPD Nars. and so many other disorders I can't recall, used my financial dependence to control and abuse me. I freeze up with anxiety.

This next week I am going to try to find an attorney to file for medical disability for myself and my son who is autistic. I never knew he qualified and I think I can for my neuropathy (undiagnosed fibro).

I took the kids to the park today. Again, seems like something small but it was huge.

My mother who is thousands of miles away said to me she is so thank you to everyone here who has shared their hope experience and strength with me. Thank you from me and mom. LoL

Hang in there.

Don't minimize what you did....those are all big steps in my opinion. I am proud of what you have done. You are moving toward financial independence and that is huge! Keep doing what you can and with every positive change you make I think you will start to feel the weight of this situation easing off your shoulders. Focus on yourself and your kiddos. You are doing great!

I opened my own bank account about a month ago. I cried for days after I did it. But guess what? When payday rolled around and I still had money in the account it actually felt pretty good!

Thanks. I am trying to keep him posted about the baby, but he alternates between being really interested and asking me weird questions like, who wrote the Rx for your ultrasound and then when I update him, he doesn't respond. I think it is his paranoia.

My PR girl for my charity set me up with legal aid so I can have them help me set up child support order and also handle the supervised visitation and forensic eval if needed.

I'm still anxious but seeing pdoc today about anxiety. I think the Cymbalta causes me additional anxiety, so I hope she Rxs something for me to help with that.

Having no contact with him is helpful. I noticed that he calls to speak with my son like once a week, when he does, I get very anxious and try to come up with a reason to contact him. Then, when he acts mean, or blank, I get more anxious or try to start trying to figure him out.

There are no "stupid baby steps". As the old saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

I'm proud of you. Hang in there.

You're doing so great! One thing at a time.

ZEN THESE ARE HUGE STEPS !

GOOD JOB !

STAY FOCUSED

I want to echo what everyone else has said here. You are doing an incredible job. You can only take one day at a time. Think of how far you have come in such a short amount of time. This isn't a normal mariatal split where each party just goes their separate way. You are dealing with a spouse and thier disorder that makes it virtually impossible to be a normal split. I know this is the most difficult journey but I think you are really doing a good job.

I feel like I've gone a thousand miles already with thousands to go, after our texting conversation last night because he asked about the pregnancy and I wanted to be assertive but also let him know I care he was all over the place from, concern, to anger, to even questioning the paternity to accusing me of lying.

Oh, and the stab in the back, everyone knows we are divorcing, so give up the lying, you are embarrassing yourself and your son. Sending him the home pregnancy tests and giving him dates etc I guess isn't enough. I don't get to go to the doctor until I am 10 weeks, so tough.

My mother says he is saying those things because he is scared out of his gourd and needs to be angry at me or he would feel guilt and want to come home. If he comes home he is giving up his manic life right now.

The way I am coping right now is that he died. Plain and simple, he died. The husband I had was gone. He crashed in a plane and is missing. If he is found by a rescue team, great, it would be my greatest wish, but if he remains missing, I have to move on for my kid's sake.

I am even thinking of having a mock funeral. To let him go totally. With letting him go, I am burying my guilt with it! None of this, his mental illness, controlling and abuse is my fault!

Weird I know, but it is getting me through the anxiety of him blaming me for his personality transplant.

Good news with his parents, they are not mad at me. My father in law says, don't worry about it. My mother in law is congratulating me on my pregnancy.

Not sure what to make of that.

Post edited by: zengirl, at: 07/18/2012 08:01 AM

zen

i think your ideas are healthy.

carry on

you do not need this s**** from him

nor do you deserve it.

he is rationalizing and justifying his s***

and the blame he gives you

is his way of getting you to take ownership of his s***.

you are doing wonderful

i am proud of you.

ROCK ON

xo xo xo