Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I have been wondering this myself.

I know I have been away a long time, its always so busy around here.

Just been thinking a lot latily how I am not sure how much longer I can endure these roller coasters. I am not 100% that I can do this the rest of my life. For those of you that dont remember me, we have been married 14yrs and have 3 wonderful children. He is all i have ever known.

I feel like the things he says sometimes) he has never attemepted anything, I think I am starting to see the light, this is not the man I married and I am not sure that because of this disorder and what it has done to him that we will survive this.

I want someone who is a good father to my children, who will take me out on dates (ones I don't plan), woo me, be romantic ( I know who is after 17yrs together,lol), someone that I mean to world to and noone else matters, will not cheat on me, and someone who when they say they love me, love me. not have thoughts otherwise.

I really have to stop reading the romance novels. I am not sure this man will ever exist in my husband or at all ever in my world.

Thanks for letting me vent

I am just so confused with my feelings. I know I love him but its like I want him to be soemthing (above) he cannot and never will be.

But I also don't want to turn 3 kids lives upside down. Just so confused

hope you all had a great 4th

insomuch

how was your fourth of july holiday ?

remind me please,

is your partner seeking treatment for his disorder ?

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 07/07/2012 09:17 AM

Insomuch...I have not been with my H as long as you, he ran when I told him we could not be together anymore with him off meds. We have bee together 5 years and he has ran so much.

I am awaiting for him to come down and crash from his hypomania, but today is a low day. He was so up yesterday with me and the kids, but he is different. The husband I knew would be asking to help with the lawn (I have fibromayalgia) and wanting to spend the whole day with his son.

I want him to come home, but now I am realizing that I need to grieve the man he was before each manic episode changed him permanently.

For me, I am trying to determine what part of my love is codependancy, or true love. I'm sorry you are sad.

Married 16 yrs. 2 half grown children. Bpso is down from his most recent episode. He is not the same. We were best friends. He's not mean anymore but sorta self absorbed. I warned before that I couldn't take another episode, I did, but it broke my spirit this time. I cannot edure it again or I will surely loose my own mind. I'm sticking to it that I will not. It will not be healthy for him to have his cake and eat it too. Not good for anyone.

I'm depressed and really Co dependent. I'm working on it. I still have hope that he will adjust his meds and our marriage will be what we wanted. If I see it coming on and he does nothing, then he will watch me walk out the front door. I will die inside. After each night episode, he looses a little bit of himself. The episode is terrible enough. I can't watch him lose his mind slowly.

I hear you. He is my sweetpea. He is a good man and always has been. Reality is... He's changing. That really sucks. Breaks my heart.

Forfor and insomuch - your stories sound so much like mine. 15 years married to my bp husband. 2 beautiful children together. I think of all the things I want, things I deserve and will probanly never have and it hurts. I want to be loved and respected, I want to look forward to when my husband wakes up in the morning, not have a pit in my stomach, I want to be first on occasion, I want to laugh again...it feels like it was all robbed from me. But then I sometimes wonder if it ever really was or if I built him up to be someone he never really has been. Just like.you insomuch, I sometimes think that I want him to be something he can't and maybe it would be better to let him go. Maybe he would be happier without us.

Wow, I am constantly amazed at how similar some of our stories cound. The fact that our SO's have this has really made us suffer so much. I have been married almost 15 years, also with two beautiful kids. I always said that I would stick this out UP UNTIL, it started to effect my children. Well, 2012 is that year. My oldest, at 13, is finally old enough to realize that the dad she knew has changed so much and is often mean and ignorant for no good reason.

The more I talk to people on here, the more I realize that so much of what they say and what they do is similar. As if there is a manual that they read to say and do the right things to be BP. Each situation is unique but so much is the same. The roller coaster, the accusations that we are the ones with the illness, that we may need meds, that we are cornering them, that we know how to push their buttons, etc, etc, etc.

I tried for years to not look up much about being married to a BP person because I knew many of the outcomes were not good. And I have even tried to read some of the BP posts and ones in the Active Relationships to try to find some hope. Not finding that, though!

I REALLY TRIED! I am not a person that gives up, EVER! I try things until they work most of the time. But I feel that if I continue to try to work on my marriage that I am going to start sacrificing my own health and that of my kids. I am at the point where I need to break loose and hope that we can find some type of friendship to end this marriage on. Not sure if that will happen considering the fact that I haven't considered him a friend for many years. According to him, I am his only friend.

I hope you can find the right path for you. It has taken me several months to come to some more concrete decisions and I still feel less confident in the outcome. But I want all of the things people here want. And I don't even read romance novels. I think it has been so hard for me to get to the point where I can honestly look in the mirror and say " I DO DESERVE BETTER and so do my kids!" It is still so hard to say that.

God luck to you all!

Before yesterday, I was still the doting wife, waiting and waiting. I guess he just pushed my mother bear button, treat me like I will put up with anything, but treat or mistreat my children and the gloves are off.

Reading that each manic episode damages their brain further is a very depressing fact.

I don't think that our BPSOs are all bad or good according to their disorders. I think that their underlying personality does matter.

The only reason why I guess I still consider being their for him if he seeks consistant help is because he has a good soul. I believe most are born with good souls and then choose a path. Sometimes that path is a dark one.

I told his mother that I can forgive him quite a bit because he does have a good soul, but just because I forgive him doesn't mean he can't treat us like he is.

I think that is the codependent part that I learned when coping with my mother's alcoholism as a young girl.

My need to fix him can over ride the logic that he must fix himself.

I haven't been able to get through his pdoc's office to make an appt, so am going to call her later on her cell and fill her in on his latest outburst. (He raged at me and my 4 yo saying he was a mistake)

I am calmer than I have been in days because I now know I am acting on logic and not my impulse to fix him. I am also calmer because of all of your support. Thank you!

Hello Everyone,

I often wonder if my marriage will survive bp too. As of November of this year, I will be married 10 years and I don't know if I have it in me to do this for another 10 years, I shouldn't have had to do this for these 10 years. We just moved out of a horrible environment and away from a family with more drama than I care to mention which I hoped would bring us closer but I've never thought we would be this far apart. But after reading your posts I'm thinking to myself that maybe I am also expecting more from him than he is able to give me. My bp husband's adopted Dad may have had a point, until I get control of the disease, I won't know where the man I married begins and this disease ends.

wow, its amazing how much we have in common....

@livinginablender, he is currently medicated, takes them willingly and just recently started seeing a couselor again. He was diagnosed feb 2011. Im still not sure his meds are right this time either, ugh.

@zengirl, ((hugs)) Is he still gone and off his meds? Do you know where he is? That is one thing my husband hasn't done yet, leave. It is me who questions leaving though. I did not know that with each mania it damages their brain farther? I guess I need to do some more research. I just don't know when its my time, ya know? When do we get to be happy? I know my husband loves his kids, but he doesn't "like" them, does that make sense? He tolerates them, and they always quickly annoy him. He does not like to do things with them unless I really suggest it and push for it. Our oldest is a teenager and he does not spend anytime with him. I am really worried what kind of men my boys will become because of their father

@forfor, when this all started early last year, I was really depressed, I was put on meds for having to deal with everything. I recently weaned off my antidepressant and still on my anxiety from all this. i too am very codependant and that is where my problems are.

@bxrgrl, I completely understand. I think my husband would be better off w/o us. I have told him to go. I have told him to go start a new life w/o us and be happy. He refuses and says he isn't leaving that he loves me.

I am not sure if he is the only one changing. I fear I might be. I fear I am the one who is falling out of love with the man I have been with 1/2 my lifetime. He is medicated and sees a counselor, he wants to get better. he was stable for a while and now he has his suicial ideations back again full force. I am not sure how much I can take of this. Waht if one day I do finally leave, and he commits suicide? that is my worst fear and I could not live with that the rest of my life. I don't want him touching me, I no longer wish to be intimate with him why?? I am so confused. Has everthing just built us and I am no longer "in love" after 17 years? What is everyone so mania and hypomania like? his counselor says he is rapid cycling now......

why? oh why. This is just not fair

insomuch

**Waht if one day I do finally leave, and he commits suicide?**

What if he does this when you are together ? He currently has these kind of idealizations.

This, is not your fault.

This, you cannot control.

Believe me when I tell you, YES you can live.

Intimacy involves trust. He is threatening the ultimate in control and abandonment.

(suicide)

It seems you are in a hostage situation.

nothing, about this is fair.

i am so sorry

for all of your losses.

xo xo xo